So it goes...

Groundhog Day

2012-02-02T18:57:00.000-08:00

The strange winter of 2012 continues. It was 40+ degrees again today and almost all the snow is gone. It's been more like a hard Fall than a Winter around here. They attribute it to some sort of La Nina offshoot, but I have to wonder if it's not a continuing reminder of the way greenhouse gases are affecting our climate. We've seen some really weird weather these past ten years or so, and while I'd like to chalk it all up to the weather randomness, I fear the worst. Maybe it's for naught. I hope it is. Besides, I have to have something to worry about.

Evidently Puxatawney Phil saw his shadow so we're blessed with 6 more weeks of winter. I guess if that's the case, at least it will be mild 6 weeks.

I got news today that my poem "Angel with Dirty Faces" was accepted for publication in the 2013 Wisconsin Poets Calendar. My writing instructor and another of her students were also accepted for the calendar as well. I am excited, as it's been a while since I had something published. These little victories keep me going and whet my appetite for more. I've got to get more of my work edited and out there. It seems to me that I spend so much time creating new material for class (and my next memoir) that I don't get enough of it into a final form that can be published. My instructor said that I should devote one day a week to submissions, so I'm going to give that some thought and try and build it into my routine.

Speaking of writing class, we started a new session yesterday. There are a few new people that are in it as well as a woman from previous class. It's nice to have more chairs filled as you tend to get more feedback, and it makes for a livelier discussion. We had a great time again last night. There was murder mystery, memoir, young adult fiction, and adult fiction. So many diverse styles and voices. It makes for a crazy array of stories and keeps it interesting. It's good to be back at it.

In the interest of getting more submissions in, I'll devote the rest of this post to doing just that.

Blogging off...

The Ten Dollar Check Out

2012-01-27T21:33:00.000-08:00

I saw Mission Impossible 4 tonight with my son. It was amazing. Great action, riveting plot and lots of technology and special effects. It's one of those movies that is best experienced on the big screen. (Most movies are, but action thrillers even more so.) Lots of explosions, perilous falling scenes and gunfire. Was most of it far-fetched? Of course. But that's why we go to the movies. Escape. Total, pure escapism.

I'm glad I took the time to see it, especially with my son, Ben. It seems I'd fallen into my winter routine funk and was reminded of it by my wife. One dark winter day seems to blend into the next. I know as well as my wife, that all work and no play makes Jim a dull boy. When she mentioned doing something to shake it up, I thought about taking Ben somewhere. It's been a while since we did a boy's night, so I checked into a hockey game. The Milwaukee Admirals game had no good tickets left, so I opted for a movie instead. MI4 it was.

When I saw the preview for this movie with Ben, I said "We gotta see that one, Ben." He said that would be cool, and so I wanted to follow through with it. We like seeing these together because they are more "guy movies."

We both came away saying the same thing. "That was cool." I know Tom Cruise is a bit of head case and I don't really follow him much on the "Hollywood circuit." At the same time, he makes a GOOD movie. Whether he was scaling the world's tallest building, swimming out of a submerged car or chasing a villain in a sandstorm, he was epic. It's kind of like sports stars. If you admire them on the field and then kind of tune out their wacky, sometimes dysfunctional personal lives, you appreciate them much more. Its when they get busted for having a trunk full of dope or beating their spouse that you lose respect. I prefer to put the blinders on in the case of Tom Cruise.

Tonight I got to jump out a window from the 130th floor of the world's tallest building in Dubai, I blew up the Kremlin, I was in a car chase in India, I had contact lenses that can scan documents to a printer, I fell down an elevator shaft only to be caught and suspended by magnets, I jumped from a speeding car and watched it head-on crash into another, I fought hand-to-hand on several occasions, and to top it all off, I managed to disarm a nuclear warhead headed for Seattle.

And I did it all for $10.

That is why I go to the movies.

Blogging off...

Draw Like an Egyptian

2012-01-23T17:54:00.000-08:00

We got some great news today from my daughters school. She had entered a piece of her artwork in a competition set by the Alliance for Young Artists and Writers. Her piece (above) was a self-portrait done with pastels. There were a few thousand from the state and her piece was selected as one of the Gold Key winners. This is a pretty significant achievement given the number of entries. She was excited, but in typical Sarah form, she is humble about it. Like many of her achievements, I am more excited than her.

Part of what I admire about it is that I have never been good at art. I used to love to draw football players until someone pointed out that their head was pointed in one direction and their feet in another. They looked like Egyptian glyphs if you know what I mean. My players were "Walking like an Egyptian." When the friend pointed this out to me, it kind of ruined my love of drawing. To top it off, he was able to draw football players and make them look real. Really real, not Egyptian real. It was an epic moment for me in some ways realizing I kind of sucked at art. It was also an epiphany for me too though in recognizing that there are people who are just gifted at it. You can probably train people to be better at it, but they'll likely never be as good as those to whom it comes naturally.

This evening after I get home from work I see a post on Facebook by my wife saying she wished she enjoyed exercise as much as she enjoys cooking. I commented that I wish I enjoyed cooking even a smidgen as much as I enjoy working out.

What it boils down to is everyone has their gig. Everyone is gifted at something. A couple of my guy friends are good at woodworking. Me? I can't see angles, measure poorly and am dangerous with a saw. (Though I did lay some mean quarter-round this weekend in our office.) They are good at it because they like it. I don't like it. There's the difference. I do it when it needs doing, but often cursing the process and the experience the whole time. There's no love there.

As I said my wife loves cooking. Absolutely loves it. It's her way of relaxing. Something is always on the stove or in the works for tomorrow's menu. Again, I can do it, minimally, if I have to, I guess. It's grueling and painful to me. It's totally like work to me, no pleasure. Donna knows that and respects it, and I do the same with her in regards to working out. It's what you call an understanding.

My gig is writing, I guess. Most of my friends say that what I like to do would kill them. They hate it. Again, I think you can teach people to write better, but unless they want to do it (and are gifted at it) they will never be as good as someone who enjoys it.

The point is, find what you enjoy doing, then do it. It will make you better and if you're good at it, it WILL make the world better. It WILL make your family better. If you're not doing it, you have to figure out what it is. The world is waiting for you, but it won't wait forever. Dream, stretch, and grow. Leave the world a better place because you were in it. Right now I'm going to go do that, so I'm...

Blogging off...

The Breakfast Club

2012-01-14T19:09:00.000-08:00

I had breakfast at Blues Egg with a couple of close friends this morning. The food was great as was the company. As a trio, we're going to try and make it a monthly thing, getting together and talking about life. All three of us have been in Bible Studies and/or some sort of men's group in the past and while they have all been relatively good experiences, when all was said and done, we didn't come away with any close true friends. We've got friends who we see at church or who we respect, but none that we would call buds. It's not to say that those groups don't build those kinds of relationships, I'm just saying that none of us had that kind of luck.

None of us are the types to call each other a couple times a week, as we're not big phone people. We will frequently text during a football game we're watching or attending, but that's about as personal as we get. (It's a guy thing). We're all busy and trying our best to be loyal spouses, good dads/uncles, and great employees. That takes effort enough, and while we don't keep in constant contact, these are the guys who I know have my back.

They're the ones who lend me tools when I need them.
They're the ones who help me build/fix what I need built or fixed.
They're the ones who love my kids like uncles and would risk their lives for them.

We all met through our wives, in kind of a roundabout fashion. They, like me are both Christians, and value the three F's as much as me. (Faith Family and Friends in that order). We share similar political views, but don't always agree about everything. There is enough respect though, that we're able to agree to disagree. This past year we have all celebrated at least 20 years with our spouses, which shows that we locked into the marital bonds with a sense of purpose and duty. I don't mention this to boast, but rather to point out that it is these kinds of things that hold us together. Mutual interests, values and morals.

These are the guys I've watched the Packers win championships with.
These are the guys I've celebrated New Years Eve with.
These are they guys I've camped and fished with.

This past year we've also all shared significant losses in our families, close siblings and parents. I cannot tell you how it has helped me having these guys (and their spouses) to lean on when things were tough. There were times where I just needed them to listen, and they did. But along with that, they sent cards, texted, watched our dog and cats, sent food, offered money, time and love. They were there when we needed them.

The wonderfully sad thing was I knew that they understood how I felt because they were going through the same thing. We were all in sort of a synchronized grief. It was horrible, but thanks to them, manageable. It's almost like the loss of a brother has led to these guys filling the hole left in his absence, or at least to slow the bleeding.

For that I am grateful.

Blogging off...

It's a Free For All!

2012-01-09T18:29:00.000-08:00

Last Friday night was an event called the AllWriters' Friday Night Free-For-All. It is an event held quarterly at the writing studio that is free to the public. It features short readings from 4 different students, namely poetry, memoir, short story and novel. There were also readings from Kathie and Michael Giorgio at this particular event in recognition of the studio's 7th anniversary. Kathie has done a wonderful job at building a successful creative writing business that has even weathered the current recession we're experiencing.

I'm not one who particularly likes public speaking, but was asked by the Director to do a reading from my memoir I'm working on. I was honored to be asked, so picked a story about one of our foibles at a canoe launch in the BWCA. I was a bit nervous going in, but for some strange reason, not as nervous as I've been in the past. I got up and read my 12 minutes worth and it went off without a hitch. Judging from the crowd's reaction, it was well received. The good feedback actually helped calm my nerves quite a bit, something to remember the next time you hear someone speak.

The rest of the readers were amazing too. My friend Deb Tetzlaff read from her novel-in-work about a woman who prays from her apartment balcony for cars driving on the freeway. She's got a knack for story telling and it comes out great in her emotion-filled reading. Michael and Kathie's readings were outstanding too. Michael had a couple of short fiction pieces and Kathie did a re-make of the Gift of the Magi that was moving, to say the least.

After the readings, I hung around and socialized with some of the other students and spectators. Though the event is open to the public, it is heavily slanted toward existing students and their supporters and families. I got to meet a couple of cool writers from the Tuesday class and talk shop. Like any conference, it's good to network with people who have the same interests. We can talk about struggles and successes, rejections and acceptances. These folks have been there and can relate.

Blogging off...

Looking Up

2012-01-05T20:27:00.000-08:00

The start of a new year is always a time of reflection and renewal for me. As part of my annual tradition, I do a purge of my closet and dressers to rid myself of clothes that I haven't worn in the last year. It also gives me some much needed space in my closet and dresser. More than anything though it gives me the satisfaction of "lightening." The older I get, the less I think I need. This is despite the fact that the "want" never seems to cease. It seems you can't outgrow selfishness.

I had an interesting chat with a friend after writing class last night. She is a relatively new friend that shares several common tragic threads with me. We seem to connect because of what we've been through, yet each of us is determined not to let our tragedies define us. Life is too short to not look forward or to let something horrible from your past stifle your future. Anyhow she is a kindred spirit and we've had some great conversations.

Last night we talked about the role of grief plays in your life. She said that as much as it hurts and we don't like it, like joy and happiness, it is something that very much shapes us. How we deal with what it does to us is up to us and she cautioned repeatedly about not getting embittered. I don't think I will, though I think there was a time a while back where I was pissed and kind of bitter about Rob's situation and passing. I've moved beyond that, in part because I now understand that while he is where he is as part of a plan, I also am where I am as part of a plan. My whole "what is the point?" perspective has become clearer now that I've reached a different stage or grief reconciliation (if that's possible).

Today she sent me a brief email that was pretty inspirational. Here's a snippet:

"and you must be able to bear your sorrow;

even if it seems to crush you, you will be able to stand up again,

for we are so strong;

and your sorrow must become an integral part of yourself,

part of your body,

part of your soul

you must not run from it, but bear it.

do not relieve your feelings through hatred, do not seek to be avenged...

Give your sorrow all the space and shelter in yourself that is due;

bear your grief honestly and courageously and clear a decent shelter for your sorrow..

for if you have given sorrow the space its gentle origins demand,

then you may truly say life is beautiful and so rich."

Roughly quoted from AN INTERRUPTED LIFE by Etty Hillesum

The picture above is what I saw on my way TO work this morning. Again, bad camera, but what your looking at is jet airline exhaust tails in the sky in geometric patterns. For some reason, they were suspended and absolutely stunning against the blue sky and sunrise. I was awestruck by the beauty and magnitude of it all, so snapped a shot.

I'm not sure why God has me looking skyward so much lately, but my guess is that he wants me to stop looking at my shoes and in doing so maybe catch a glimpse of Him. I'm convinced he's saying "Don't miss it. Don't miss today. Don't miss this. Don't."

So, I'm trying my damnedest not to.

Blogging off...

Mountains and Valleys, Version 2011

2011-12-30T15:48:00.000-08:00

We got back from our trip to Pigeon Forge, TN yesterday. It was a good trip, albeit a lot of driving. The cabin was nice. It was part of a multi-home development that went up the mountainside. I can't say I agree with the mentality of destroying mountains with this kind of developmental blight, but the view was spectacular.

While we were there, I saw the need for hiking to the top of the mountain. It was a small mountain, but the climb was steep at times. Once I got past the paved section of road, it turned to gravel, so it wasn't that difficult of a climb, just strenuous. It was far from a nature hike in that I passed lots of empty electrical and water utility boxes that were set into the ground as part of future development. It looked to be a case of a development that had either lost its funding in the housing bust, or was just planned for slow development as the money came in.

When I got to the top, I took a few pictures and the bad video you see on this blog. It was a great view, but I've been to higher places. I "summited" this hiccup of a mountain with Ben on Wednesday. When we got there I placed a dollar bill on a flat rock on the summit. I weighed it down using two small rocks so it wouldn't blow away. I did it just to freak out the next person who chooses to find the highest spot on a non-descript Tennessee mountain. Ben thought it was kind of a cool idea. I just think its fun speculating what the person might do when they get to it.

It seems that my past few vacations have taken me to the mountains. From the Great Smokies, to the Adirondacks, to Colorado, we've seen all heights. I'm not sure if it's just coincidence that we've vacationed to these high spots or if there's some sort of unconscious intent to push ourselves as a family to higher heights. It started, I think, with Colorado. The massive mountains out that way just kind of take your breath away.

Driving to to the top of Trail Ridge Road and taking the Cog Railway to the top of Pikes Peak just kind of imprinted on us how small we are. At the same time, they allowed us to see life from a new perspective. It's one thing to look up in wonder at the mountains, but another to look down and out at the expanse of the world. Both can be life changing events, but first you need to look up to understand why you want to go there.

For me and my family, this year has been one of high mountain tops and some extremely deep valleys. While no one likes to dwell for long in the valley, life can't always be a mountain top experience either. They come as a set. There's a reason for both, and this year I found out more about what those reasons are.

Goodbye 2011. Here's to a happy and healthy 2012.

Blogging off...

The Night Before The Night Before

2011-12-23T14:36:00.000-08:00

In my youth, this was not a good night for me. You see, we typically would open all of our gifts on Christmas Eve. Way back when us kids were all quite young, we would pile into the car and trek all the way to White Bear Lake to our aunt Helen's house. Her family and my grandma and grandpa would meet there, have a huge dinner in the basement family room and then, after every dish was done and dry, we would head upstairs to open presents. It was for this reason that I grew into adulthood thinking presents should be passed out and opened on Christmas Eve. I still do.

Because we celebrated on Christmas Eve, I spent most of Dec. 23rd wishing it away. I would watch the hours tick by, not wanting to wait until the next day to open all my gifts. I would work myself up so much that sometimes I would be on the verge of throwing up. Working myself up to the point of being sick. I've always been an internalizer, so this was the perfect storm of worry and anxiety, and excitement and joy. Wrap it all up in seeing the mound, or rather mountain, of presents under the tree and it all combined to drive me to the brink of insanity. I get sick just thinking about getting sick.

I remember one touching moment when I was about 11. I couldn't sleep because my stomach was upset. My sister Pat, who was 16 at the time, came in to my room and asked if I wanted to come and help arrange the presents under the tree; to shuffle the presents around, so no person got two in a row when they were handed out. She knew it would be a good way for me to work through my excitement, and it was. We went downstairs and shuffled presents, shook a few and shuffled some more. It couldn't have lasted for more than half an hour, but I've always remembered it as a tender moment between Pat and I. It's strange what kids remember, so never discount the impact of your actions, both good and bad.

The anticipation of Christmas is still there for me as I suspect it is for most people. I don't get sick any more of course, but still look forward to going to Christmas Eve service, eating a good meal, and opening presents on Christmas morning, even though it is a day late. The holiday is usually surrounded with a trip far away in our case. Every year we seem to spend driving either east to NY or west to MN. I look forward to those trips as well because we get to see family.

In the end, after all the presents, food, lights, shopping, decorations, carols, traffic, stress, and anticipation, family is what it's about anyway. Go enjoy yours and have a Merry Christmas.

Blogging off...

The Drumming of my Heart

2011-12-19T18:35:00.000-08:00

As my obsession with my own mortality continues to dominate my thoughts, I've become incredibly attuned to commonplace things of beauty on a regular basis. Lately it's been in music.

Take for example Middle Schoolers singing Christmas carols. Last night was a "worship night" at Mosaic's Sunday PM which is the 6-8 grade ministry at church. I lead a small group of about six boys in the sixth grade, but they are part of hundreds of middle-schoolers that attend regularly. Usually our night is divided up into 3 areas; gym time, large group teaching and small groups. Because we're so close to Christmas, they just made last night to be mostly singing and then released to small groups.

There was a single guitarist/vocalist, Jayden Lee (formerly of Sons of Korah) who lead the group of students. Because their voices weren't drowned out by the usual over-accompaniment of drums, bass, etc, the student voices were more audible than usual. The young voices filled the room with hymns and carols.

I'm not sure why it was so breathtaking to me. Maybe I've become soft at 50. Maybe it was the sense of hope that these kids will grow up to be okay in a world that is not. Maybe it was the fact that 200 teens found time to be in church on a Sunday night when the rest of their peers were texting, facebooking, or gaming. I do know that it was a reminder of why I was moved to help lead middle schoolers when all I could do was think of reasons why I wasn't a good fit. God said "Wrong again, Jim."

I'm not sure why it hit me, but lately nothing surprises me. Being 50 with one less brother in the world tends to change one's outlook in dramatic ways.

On Friday night I was watching a video of Neil Peart, the drummer for Rush where the video focused strictly on him. Now, if you know anything about rock music, Neil Peart is perhaps the most well known living rock drummer. His drum set surrounds him and none of them is unused by the end of a concert. Trust me, he's good, if not the best.

So I'm watching him and I'm caught up in how privileged I am to see a man with this kind of skill. He is a craftsman in every sense of the word. I think of all the hours of practice he must have put in so that he could one day say he was the best. Of course, he's the best in my generation and that made me think of previous generations who had their own best, Buddy Rich, John Bonham, etc. For some unknown reason I was almost brought to tears.

Then there's Mark Knopfler's guitar and lyrics on the song So Far From The Clyde. Everytime I listen to it I get goosebumps. It's crazy because it's about the decommissioning and recycling of a ship. If you listen to the lyrics though they speak of the human condition, at least to me. The guitar riffs are so sad and forlorn that they just break me. Simple sounds that have a thousand layers.

I was watching Bruce Springsteen Live in Dublin where he was playing the Pete Seeger sessions. He plays with about a 10 piece band including fiddles and a complete horn section. Listening to it is an absolute audio buffet. The thing that struck me is that in all of the chaos, there is a complete order to things as well. That's what makes it so outstanding. One of the best parts is when the horns kick in and start dragging. It is amazing how it pulls at my soul.

So, I'm not sure why it is so much in my face lately, but the beauty of life is there. Music is just one area that I'm writing about. It's there in so many other places as well. It's right there for anyone looking for it. Right there.

Blogging off...

The Spirit of Now and Then

2011-12-15T18:56:00.000-08:00

I'm working on trying to get into the Christmas spirit, whatever that is. We've had our tree up for a couple of weeks and the same goes for the Christmas lights outside. There has been no snow at all around here, so it's looking more like March outside than December. (I'm REALLY okay with that too. Really.)

It seems that you can't force the spirit upon yourself. You can surround yourself with lights and carols and shopping and feasting, but if you're not content, none of that stuff is going to make you happy. You can't buy, eat or see happiness, it just is. I always think that once the lights and the tree is up, then I'll be "in the spirit" and magically change my attitude, and am always a little shocked when it doesn't happen instantly. For me it's like a slow burn that builds up as Christmas gets nearer. I always manage to hit Christmas Zen, but sometimes it's not until as late as Christmas Eve service, which is fitting anyway, if you think about it.

Thinking back to last year at this time and there's a whole different dynamic to our family than last year. I am extremely grateful that we took the trip to Mayo over Christmas to see Rob and his family. As tough as that was, it was still where we needed to be. The older I get, the less it's about stuff and the more it's about people. I look forward to holidays for catching up with family as much as unwrapping gifts. In the past it's been as fun to see the cousins getting along and having fun as it is talking to the adults. The fact that my kids have cousins that they get along so well with is something I'll always be envious of. We were far from our cousins in St. Cloud, so didn't know them like our kids know theirs. It's good for all of them.

So, I encourage you to consider what makes you happy this time of year and pursue it. Remember the loved ones that aren't here to share it with you and be thankful that you had the times with them that you had.

Personally, I'll never forget the annual tradition Rob and I had of going to Midnight Mass at St. Lukes every Christmas Eve. Without fail as we were walking home with hands in pockets, he would catch me off-guard and bump/push me into a snowbank. He would laugh and laugh and I usually ended up laughing too. I cherish the fact that he always made it a point to go to with me, as neither of us much attended mass regularly at the time.

I'll also never forget the first time I went to Midnight Mass with my sister-in-law Jane. Rob and I were being quiet and reverent and as I went to sit down, Jane pinched my butt. Now, I didn't know Jane very well at this point, she was fairly new to the family. So when it happened, I was shocked. Shocked in part because I took Mass so seriously, probably too seriously, and was so surprised by what I now call the Christmas Goose. Of course all three of us started giggling and could barely stop. Knowing Jane like I do now it totally fits her personality. She's so fun-loving and has a great sense of humor. She also knows I take myself too seriously and sometimes need to lighten up. It was a lighthearted moment that endeared me to her spirit forever.

It's these kinds of things that are what Christmas memories are all about. Cherish them. Make new ones. Love the moments. Relive the good ones. Life is too short for humbug.

Blogging off...

A Look Back at the First Fifty

2011-12-08T18:43:00.000-08:00

This is likely the last post before I officially become an AARP target. This Sunday I hit 50 and I'm having a little problem with it, frankly. It's not even because I feel old, per se. It's more about what else it means. It means when I read in the paper that someone died at 61, that I'm only 11 years from that. I can remember vividly the surprise party for Donna's father's 50th birthday. Her father. He was old then. That would make me...old, I guess.

A list of things I was glad I did in my first 50 years:

1. Worked and paid my way through my last two years of High School and all of College. (With ZERO debt, mind you.)

2. Lived in a dumpy first apartment. It allowed me to appreciate the nice ones more later.

3. Took a job in mapping for $5.00/hour out of college to gain some valuable experience. If I would have snubbed that job I might never have known the joy I've had working in GIS/Mapping all these years.

4. Moved away from home to take my second job. I never wanted to move, but a job change required it. Waukesha/Milwaukee is home now.

5. Wrote letters to Rob when he was in college. It is how I met Donna. From pen pals to husband and wife.

6. Waited 5 years to have kids after marrying. Those years seem so long ago, but it was important to build that marital foundation first.

7. Took lots of vacations with my family. Mercer, South Dakota, Poconos, NY State and City, BWCA, Colorado, Myrtle Beach, Orlando. Those are the things they'll always remember.

8. Stayed with Elmbrook Church. Our church has seen 3 head pastoral changes and has had multiple programs come and go. The focus is still clear though and "church" is about a whole lot more than a building.

9. Stayed with the house we're in. We looked at moving about 5 years ago, but only would have bought more house than we could have afforded anyway.

10. Took writing classes. It has uncovered a love of mine that was untapped for so long and is finally being put to use.

I cannot say I don't have any regrets of the past 50 years. There are some stupid things I've done. Some foolish things too. Most of them were minor things and I am not ashamed to say that some of the stupid foolish things I've done are the things I'll remember when I'm old and in the rocking chair. Of course that's a long way off, because I'm still kicking and I'm certainly not old.

But I am blogging off...

December Thoughts of a Sagittarian

2011-12-01T19:33:00.000-08:00

December 2011 is upon us. It was unusually mild today with clear skies and little if any wind. November was fairly mild too. There was no snow to speak of in November and no real cold snaps either.

You don't know how happy this makes me.

I am not a big fan of winter. I don't like ice fishing much, and am not really a downhill skier. I cross country ski and when I do, I really enjoy it. At the same time if it meant not skiing all year because there was no snow, I'll take the no snow, every time.

So if you throw in a mild week at the end of November and no snow as of Dec. 1st, well, that makes winter just that much shorter for me. Seriously, I appreciate every mild or snow/rain-less day.

I know, I know, if I don't like winter what am I doing living here? That is the question.

I did get my outdoor Christmas lights on today. I started this task 2 weeks ago but ran into two strings that were defective, so I just quit. Donna picked up a couple of new ones, and so I got them all up tonight. I am not a big outdoor light-show guy, but for some reason, it doesn't feel right if I don't do these eave lights every year. Tomorrow Ben and I are going to get a Christmas tree, and this weekend we'll put it up. As much as I hate the winter weather, I do love the holiday season.

As I was walking home from work on Tuesday, I came across a breathtaking sunset that I had to capture on my phone. It is the image shown above. It is these kinds of sunsets and landscapes that remind me of the power and beauty of God. It also evokes memories of Rob for some unknown reason which makes me sad and joyful at the same time.

The latest revelation about Rob's story that has occurred to me is that his passing at this young age, and the fact that he is in heaven already, has made my acceptance of my own fate much more bearable. It's not that I'm morbid or wanting death at all, only that if I was suddenly faced with it I would be much more able to deal with it knowing that he is there already. Another way to put it is that heaven, death and dying just got a whole lot less scary. I think this is a healthy outlook and am going to run with that for now.

Blogging off...

Cyber Monday

2011-11-28T18:12:00.000-08:00

Had a really good, relaxing trip back to Minnesota for Thanksgiving. Because we left on Wednesday, and I took today off of work, it's been a good recharge of the batteries for me. We had extraordinary weather while we were up there. Thursday and Friday were spectacular; in the high 50's and low 60's both days. I was actually shooting hoops in a t-shirt for an hour and a half on Friday. Unbelievable really. Usually it's snowing and 30 degrees.

I managed to avoid black Friday madness for the 49th year in a row.

We stayed with my sister in-law's family again. She's a great hostess, and our kids get along so well. We call it the Landwehr hotel, and we are grateful she opens her house to us the way she does. My brother wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

Looking back on the weekend, I have nothing but good memories to store away from it. We had a family "Amazing Race" game before Thanksgiving which was a blast. We had to find clues around the Shoreview Community Center and some of the events included a basketball shoot, a toast to my brother Rob, and blowing a bubble with chewing gum and posting it to Facebook. It was fun even though at one point during it we had lost the youngest and the oldest racers.

The weekend was a perfect chance to reflect on how much I need to be thankful for. I got to know my nephew Mike and his girlfriend a bit better. (I had never met her.) He has been sober for 2 years now and is a new person. He is absolutely inspirational to me. I also got to laugh (and cry) with my sister and niece on Saturday's celebration of December birthdays (Donna the 7th, Paul the 2nd and myself the 11th) I also got a chance to spend some decent time with my brothers Tom and Paul and my nephew Nick on Friday night. Usually our time is so short that we never get much below the surface. We had some great laughs as well as some serious discussions. I am privileged to be a part of such a strong family.

I also got to experience Midtown Global Market which was a bit like Milwaukee Public Market. It's in Minneapolis on Lake Street and features food and goods from several different countries. It was nice to get out of the house for a bit.

Back to reality tomorrow. I'm thankful for many things this holiday season. Thankful for my health. Thankful for my great kids, and beautiful wife. Thankful for my faith that has been tested these past 12 months, and thankful for my Minnesota family.

Blogging off...

A Moment of Pause

2011-11-22T19:50:00.000-08:00

In the spirit of the upcoming Thanksgiving, I wanted to touch on some things I'm thankful for.

1. My Mother. She continues to amaze me with her strength and love in this, the toughest of years.

2. My Wife. She helps to run a tight (but fun) household. I am extremely blessed to have had her for 21 years (and counting).

3. My Sarah. Her academic talents, huge heart and strong faith are dizzying. I love her wit.

4. My Ben. His free spirit, compassion for others and his love of all things social, are my envy.

5. My brother Tom. I credit him with giving me my sense of humor and my love of all things outdoor.

6. My sister Pat. She's always got my back. She defends and supports me with a mother's furor.

7. My sister Jane. Her love of family and her kids is evident every time she opens her home to us.

8. My brother Rob. For teaching me how to live for and love today and quit worrying about tomorrow.

9. My sister in-law Jane. Her strength, perseverance and smile. What a light!

10. My brother Paul. He gave me the love of music and taught me to lighten up.

11. My In-Laws. My New York family has always respected our decisions and has never meddled. Love them.

12. My Job. This year marked 15 years at the county, and I still love my job.

13. My House. It's old and comfortable. There are days I hate it, but most are good.

14. My Faith. Thanks to my friend Pat for discipling me back when I didn't want to be discipled. It was a great foundation.

15. My Friends. Good friends to fish with, watch the game with, laugh with, cry with, mourn with. Like wine, they get better with age.

16. My Writing Class. A strange thing to be thankful for, but I love these people and those nights I get to go and play writer. It stretches me and gives me great joy.

17. My Pets. It's a weird thing if you think about it, having animals running around your house. They give the house a whole new energy.

18. Wisconsin Sports Teams. We're reaching the zenith of Packers/Brewers/Badgers success and it sure is fun. I think back to the Packers/Brewers of the late '80's. We've come a LONG way.

19. My City. Waukesha is quaint, safe, boring and beautiful. My second home.

20. My iPod. Strange again, but I use it daily on my walk to work and it helps make my day a little easier.

That's it. I challenge each of you to count your own blessings this Thanksgiving. You shouldn't have to look far to realize how lucky we are in this country.

Happy Thanksgiving.

Blogging off...

Writing For My Life

2011-11-18T18:54:00.000-08:00

An update on my writing is in order, as it's been a while.

I continue to try and blog twice a week or so. This keeps my skills up and forces me to get something down at least twice a week. Without it, I would be left to my writing class only, and I think it's important to keep active in many areas to keep you sharp. Sometimes the blog feels forced and other times it rolls off readily. When it does that, it's almost visceral. I kind of get in a writing zone and things come easily. These are some of my best writings; funny and succinct. Usually they are driven by an event that happened that calls for a humorous post.

I'm still in AllWriters' workshop on Wednesday nights. This has become one of my favorite nights of the week. I get the chance to rub elbows with other writers and just be "cerebral." As I told my wife many years ago when I was taking a continuing education class, it just makes me feel like I'm doing something with my life when I'm in school. There's something about surrounding yourself with smart people that brings a level of satisfaction and confidence. True, work gives you some of this, but I think people need a balance of activities outside of work that keeps them learning, fresh and interesting.

This class is that for me. The students there are all trying their best to make a name for themselves. They're submitting work, getting published, getting rejected, and learning a ton along the way. Most of us are amateurs. The instructor Kathie Giorgio and her husband Michael have more publishing credits to their names that I could ever count, so I would call them professional writers. They are the exception though. The rest of us are either beginners, or fledgling writers doing what we love in the hopes someone will take notice and publish us.

This past week there was 5 of us writers + the instructor. I find it fascinating to hear the story behind these writers' story. What goes on in their heads as they struggle with plot, characters and time. It's all the same thing I struggle with, so it is refreshing to see that I am not alone. It seems that most writers struggle with what I call the "inner critic." This is that voice in my head that says "that sucks" or "this is no good, what are you doing? You can't write." Again it is refreshing to know that I'm not the only one who's seen this guy. He lives in most writers' head. He brings you down and keeps you second-guessing yourself.

On the publishing side of things, my poem Soul Pane is now published in this quarter's Issue of Verse Wisconsin Magazine. The issue just came out this week. I don't even have my complimentary copies yet.

I also got a rejection last week Sunday that I'd sent to Adventum Magazine. I actually submitted two articles to that magazine, but neither made the cut. Onward and upward though. I refuse to dwell in the negative for very long. There's too many other quality publications out there.

Yesterday I submitted a couple of poems for publication in a poetry calendar. It would be a nice addition if one of the pieces was accepted for that. I have a few straggler pieces out there as well. Most of those fell into the "6 weeks to 6 month" notification black hole. Time will tell.

All I know is that I'm doing what I love, people are noticing, and suddenly I can't get enough of it.

Life is good.

Blogging off...

A Slightly Above Average Weekend

2011-11-13T19:57:00.000-08:00

It was a fairly average weekend. At the same time, I'm learning to appreciate average in ways I've never known before.

Friday night I had the house to myself for about 3 hours. Ben had a sleepover and Donna and Sarah had to work. It was a chance for me to write a bit, surf the web, listen to the stereo at my own level and just be alone. I'm one of those people who's very comfortable being alone and tends to want to do too much when it happens. This time I allowed myself to do just enough. It was great. While the alone time was good, it was nice to greet the girls when they got home too. We just had pizza and hung out.

I learned there's peace in being alone, and peace in being together with family.

Saturday morning was filled with the usual busyness. Cutting the grass, cleaning the house, walking the dog. In the afternoon we all went down to the east side of Milwaukee for Ian' Pizza for a kind of belated birthday lunch for Sarah. I had a slice of Mac n Cheese pizza that was really, really good. A strange combo, but divine. I split a second piece with Ben and got Chili-Cheese-Frito's Pizza. Again, strange but really good. I love that part of town and miss being around it. So much vibrancy and character compared to Waukesha (though Waukesha is leaps and bounds ahead of where it was 10 years ago.) After lunch we took a walk along the shore of Lake Michigan in 55 degree weather. From there we went to Alterra for coffee and had some great face-time with Ben and Sarah.

I learned to not take for granted the great city we live near and the great lake its on. We are incredibly fortunate.

Today we woke and went to church like any average Sunday. As we sometimes do after church, we went to the Steaming Cup for coffee and cinnamon rolls. This has become one of my favorite venues lately. I don't know if its the atmosphere or just that when I go I have the undivided attention of my wife (if I go with her) or my kids if they are there. The coffee is good and it's a good way to slow down our Sunday after the rush to get to church.

I learned that as much as I like these trips for coffee, its something the kids will probably always remember with great fondness.

Tonight I led my small group for Mosaic again. I played dodge ball until I nearly had a heart attack. I have to remember that I'm not 13 anymore and at 6'5" I am a BIG target. A couple of times I was so gassed I had to take a knee. Between the adrenaline and chucking dodge balls with all my might, I get gassed pretty quick. Took a shot to the face, two to the chest and one in the crotch tonight. As I said I am a big target. A bit slow moving too, evidently. It was a blast. Then after the message our small group met and had a fun yet deep discussion. They are a really well behaved group of kids, and I'm glad to be part of their lives, albeit small.

I learned that although I never thought I'd want to lead teenagers, God had different plans.

So, never discount the value of an ordinary, average weekend.

Blogging off...

Bio Fueled Squash Mobile

2011-11-09T17:53:00.000-08:00

I just finished making a car out of vegetables with Ben. It was a school project for the STEM academy that he attends. STEM for those who don't know is a charter school that focuses on Science, Technology, Engineering and Math. It is in its second year and all in all, seems to be better than it was its first year. Year one everyone was new to everything, so the communication was bad, the curriculum was confusing and the students were disoriented as to the new expectations.

Year two has seen some improvements in the communication for sure. Ben's teacher from year 1 was an email fanatic. Some days we'd get 3 or 4 emails. I'm all for communication, but my time spent reading email is valuable too. Lets keep it to two, or better yet one. Ben seems to be doing better as well. We've been trying to work with him on remembering homework assignments BEFORE he leaves school. He's doing better than early in the year, so something must be clicking. In fact, he even came down and asked me if I would help him with his vegetable car. It's not often that he remembers something's due, let alone asks me 2 days in advance to help.

Now, I'm not sure how a car made out of vegetables fits into rocket scientology, but I trust they know what they're doing in STEM. It certainly required a bit of creativity if nothing else. I guess they're going to race them all down a track of some sort for sort of a veg-car derby.

I recall being in 8th grade when the big thing in science class was ice cube experiments. I remember questioning how this was going to prepare us all for the rigors of high school science. Sister Fill-In-The-Blank-Cuz-I-Can't-Remember said that I should rest assured that the principles of experimentation would apply. I passed freshman biology and sophomore chemistry, so I guess she was right. I also now know that ice cubes melt faster when you stir them vs. when you don't. (I may have known that before the class, but I digress.)

There are several differences between the school days of now vs. back when I was a kid. The biggest for my kids is that they don't have to wear uniforms. Because I went to private grade/high schools, I always had to wear a uniform. No worries about fashion or style there. You were always out of style in your parochial uniform. It did make getting dressed much simpler. I've heard that Einstein wore the same clothes every day.

Maybe that's what they were trying to do...make lots of little Einsteins.

I remember my mother every fall would have to go to the uniform store, a unique store that sold everything from school uniforms to nurse skirts to janitor uniforms. First she would assess the hand-me-down factor and see if Paul could wear Rob's pants from the year before and so on. Then she'd lay out the money for everyone to have two pair of pants and two shirts. Some years they would change the style or fabric of the uniform to my mother's chagrin. That meant that some of the hand me downs would not work because they were out of style.

Nowadays, kids all need to have the aeropostle shirts or the skateboard shoes, etc., etc., all in the name of being cool and fitting in. It's funny how as a culture, we train them young that style and name brands matter (they don't) and that you are what you wear (you aren't). It's no wonder they grow up to be consumers of all things name brand. What do we expect?

On top of that kids are going to school with expensive phones and expensive iPods, iPads and laptops that, back in the day, would have made my mom's head spin.

I better stop now. I'm starting to sound like I'm almost 50.

Blogging off...

Out of the Blue

2011-11-03T19:24:00.000-07:00

Got a random phone call yesterday at work from a friend I'd lost touch with for the past 20 years or so. I thought he was a user of our GIS system at work. He caught me off-guard by saying his name and then saying could you take down this email address and send him mine. When I heard that I realized it wasn't a person from the public, but rather and old friend, I felt embarassed that I didn't catch it earlier. At the same time, what would have prepared me for someone I hadn't heard of for twenty years?

In any case, it was great to hear from him. I'd been thinking about the guys I used to hang with back in the day ever since Rob got sick. I thought I should probably tell them of it, but then thought it might be too weird after such a long time of no contact to pull them into such a grievous situation. Rob actually hung around them a few times after I had moved out of state, so he has seen them more recently than I.

So we caught up on a few things over the phone. It's a funny thing, old friends. You can tell a good friend when you pick up with them right where you left off 20 years ago. I've done it with my friend Pat in Minnesota, my friends Maureen and Mark in Durango CO, more recently with our RIT friends in NY, and now Terri and Mark in Minnesota.

I think you go through phases in your life where you kind of make your own lives for a long period of time and then when something tragic or monumental happens, you reconnect. It's not that you intentionally disown these friends, it's just that you move away, make new ones and then get caught up in your new life to the point that time just gets away from you. The next thing you know, you're approaching fifty and you realize that you've lost touch with people who, in part, made you who you are today.

When you get together with these people, as I did at my Cretin High School 30th reunion in 2009, it is important to maintain a healthy focus on the here and now and not get stuck in the past. We tend to glamorize and glorify the past as having been better than it actually was. We all need to realize that we're not 25 anymore and that we've got pretty good lives right now.

Rob made that glaringly clear the last time I talked to him. I said I was struggling with with the point of all of these memories with him if the end result was we're going to get cut short anyways. He said "Jim, you can't go back." He went on to say that the memories are things he cherished, but we can't forget that we are in the midst of making memories every moment of every day. If we're focused on how good things were, we tend to temper how good things are. It was a luminous moment for me, one I'll never forget.

I'm not sure where this reconnection will take me. I'm only sure that life is too short to dismiss people who care enough about you to try and get back in touch.

Blogging off...

Halloween

2011-10-31T16:24:00.000-07:00

Another Halloween is upon us and we whiffed on it. Frankly, I'm alright with all of it. This year we didn't buy so much as a pumpkin. Usually we get pumpkins at the Fall Fest that we spend with friends in early October. Because we missed it this year, we never really got around to getting one at the store. I stopped by the grocery store the other night, but all they had were Charlie Brown pumpkins, so I passed.

Neither of the kids is interested in Trick or Treating this year. Sarah's too old and Ben said none of his friends are interested in it this year, so we're just hanging out at home. It's a bit of a crossroads for us as a family, and thus a bit bittersweet for me. I've never been a big fan of Halloween, but I did enjoy getting together with our friends Patty and Brad to walk with our kids through their neighborhood. It was sort of our tradition, and this year even their kids weren't interested, with the exception of their youngest, who's birthday also falls on Halloween. She and some friends are going out trick or treating.

In trying to think of some memorable Halloween costumes and events of the past I came up with a few.

There was the year I was trick or treating with Rob and we were followed by a couple of teenagers for the last block or so before we got home. When we got to our house, Rob, suspicious of the teens, took a shortcut up the hill, while I was out to prove that I wasn't scared and kept walking to our steps. At the base of the steps one of the kids stole my bag, and they both took off running. I was pissed and went in and told Tom. He and a friend went out looking for the guy while I followed, but no luck. As I was walking back from then end of the block, I saw the remnants of my bag underneath a parked car. I went and got it and it was all there. All my candy. It turned out not to be a tragic holiday after all.

There was the year that Intelligraphics had a Halloween party with a DJ and I dressed up as the Jolly Green Giant and Donna was the Little Green Sprout. We looked like a couple of trees out there on the dance floor. At that same party I also remember our friend Bill Lee dressed in jail stripes as James Brown, shortly after he'd been arrested for carrying a concealed weapon. Bill did an amazing rendition of JB, too.

One year we attended a party in our friend Stephanie's basement and I dressed up as a pirate. I wanted to find a stuffed parrot toy for my shoulder, but all I could find was a grouse or a partridge. Not caring, I taped it on and went to the party. People kept calling me out on it. A few even wondered if I was Dr. Doolittle.

In 1988, Rob, Jane, Paul and Keith came down for Halloween. We spent the night at various East Side locales. The best costume of the trip was Paul's. He had a piece of green carpet with a football field on one side and a baseball field on the other and carried an umbrella spray painted silver. When people asked what he was, he said "The Metrodome". Classic. Creative and classic!

Our kids had some memorable cute costumes, none of which I can find pictures for, of course. One year at a particularly scary house, Sarah and Patrick approached the witch cautiously and when they got their candy, Sarah ran back to us and Patrick froze in fear. We had to go rescue him from himself.

This year Ben did get a plain mask that, when worn with a hoodie sweatshirt is downright creepy. He's using it to scare the kids as he passes out candy.

It's a fun holiday if you keep it in perspective. I'm one who's not into dressing up for it too much anymore. I think it's best left to the kids anyways.

Boooooing off...

Time is of the Essence

2011-10-27T19:07:00.000-07:00

Had a tough day today with regards to Rob not being with us anymore. It sneaks up on me and overwhelms me when I least expect it. I don't really know how it comes up, but when it does, its not a pretty thing. It does cause me to think pretty deeply about what life is all about, where I'm going and what is important. It may be the only positive thing to come out of the whole momentary deal.

It always dredges up great memories that we shared together, which is a good thing. The down-side to it though is that it sparks me to thinking that we'll never be able to make any new ones. What's done is done. That also is one of the last things he said to me when I was telling him how we'd never have the chance to make new ones as we both reminisced about the past. He said "You can't go back," which is true. I'm not sure that's what I want to do, but my tendency is to color the past better than it was, and in turn, mourn the loss of the good old days. (That were no better than the now new days.)

It's a little like the Ecclesiastes 3 verses that the song Turn Turn Turn was derived from.

There is a time to ride bikes to the Mississippi River and throw rocks, and a time to watch the river flow by with your kids.

There is a time to share a bedroom with a brother and a time to share one with your wife.

There is a time for staying up all night with your brother partying and a time for early to bed because your exhausted from being a new father.

There is a time for eating dinner with 6 kids around the table and a time for eating alone on a business trip.

There is a time for playing tackle football with your brothers and a time for watching your son play tackle football.
There is a time for dating and a time for weddings.
There is a time for college and a time for work
A time for apartment and a time for a house
A time for a new friend and a time for old friends
A time for the Beatles and a time for Green Day
A time for transistor radios and a time for iPods

Because all things in life are what you make of them. It can be drudgery or joy. The choice is yours. How do you want to live out your days. Your time is short. It may not seem that way. Tomorrow might seem like as far out as you can see. But when you have something as traumatic as losing a sibling at a young age, you see life out a whole lot further and suddenly, every day seems significant. Every week is a big week.

So my advice to you is to go out and make your life bigger. Bigger than TV. Bigger than the next toy or electronic. Bigger than your car, your house, your school, or your posessions. Bigger.

Blogging off...

Wrong and Right

2011-10-23T14:10:00.000-07:00

From where I stand here are ten things that are wrong and ten things that are right with the world today:

Wrong
1. That people waiting in line for anything can't leave their cell phone alone for 5 minutes.

2. Drive through lines at Walgreens to get prescriptions. It's no wonder we're sick. We're too lazy to get out of the car. (Have never used the drive through lines, personally)

3. Penalty challenges in the NFL, College Football and many other sports. Spare me the 5 minute stoppage.

4. Intersection cameras. Two words: Police state.

5. Leaf blowers. Can you get any more annoying and offensive?

6. Vat-o-popcorn at the theatres for, like $11.00. C'mon!

7. Talk radio nut jobs. Left wing/Right wing, all of them. Think for yourself.
8. Any TV over 50 inches. Why?
9. Overblown team introductions for ANY sport. I saw the Buffalo Sabres introducing the assistant Medical Trainer over the PA last weekend for their opener. Glad I saw that.
10. College tuitions. Out of site. Education should be affordable.

Right

1. Any free wireless
2. One person, one vote. (Most of the time)
3. Recycling is prevalent everywhere
4. Windmills and CFL bulbs (Love them or hate them.)
5. Hybrid cars
6. National Health Care. The US can learn from Canada and Great Britain.
7. Organic Farming and locally grown food. Support it!
8. Freedom of religion
9. Light rail and bike lanes. (Learn from Madison, WI and Portland, OR)
10. Food shelves

Patience in the Tempest

2011-10-18T18:30:00.000-07:00

I spent much of last weekend fishing for musky in the northern reaches of Wisconsin. The weather was, oddly enough, very fall-like. We left from Waukesha on Thursday morning in a steady drizzle and drove for 5 hours in an almost constant rain. My friend who went with admitted he was in a funk and a bit on the cranky side. We got up to Presque Isle about 2:00 and the rain just kept on coming. It rained so hard and long that we didn't even get a chance to fish on Thursday which was part of the reason behind leaving early. We hung out and watched baseball and football that night with the intention of getting a full day of fishing on Friday.

Friday we woke to high 40's and a light rain and winds gusting 20-25 mph. We got our warm clothes on and covered it with our rain gear. We committed to trying one lake and if that was too choppy or slow fishing, we would try another. We stopped in town and got some live bait, sucker minnows that were $7.50 each. (Yikes). These are big fish, in some cases more than 12" long. Ours averaged 9". The saying goes, "You want to catch a big fish, you have to use a big fish." Sounds logical to me.

We launched on the first lake found a protected shoreline and fished for an hour or so. Then we tried a couple of new spots and proceeded to buck the wind for another hour. Steve's funk continued and he said we should get off this lake, get some lunch and try and adjust his attitude.

After an appetizer sample of fried food and a beer at the Pea Patch Steve seemed to be in a much better state. We headed over to the other lake and launched. We again found a protected shoreline and trolled for a while with no luck. The rain was intermittent, but light most of the time. Because using a trolling motor is forbidden in the waters we were in, we row-trolled. This can be tough in wind, but we were fortunate to have found enough protected shoreline that it wasn't too bad.

We moved to a new location and after an hour and a half were starting to get the feeling that we might be out of luck.

Then the ticking started.

The ticking of the reel usually signals that either a fish is on, or you have a snag. "Fish on!" Steve said. Because I was busy casting and preoccupied, it took me a second to realize that he wasn't kidding.

This is typically when the chaos starts. These are big fish, and because they tend to pull the sucker around and chomp on it a while, it gives you a few minutes to prepare the boat for the fight and subsequent landing. I reeled in my line and then reeled in the other sucker that we were trolling behind the boat. It's important to have nothing that could get snagged on the line of the caught fish. I get the net ready and Steve gets the pliers, towel and cameras ready.

There was some discussion earlier on who would get the "first fish." Typically we take turns and we usually get one each anyway. It was an unofficial agreement earlier that Steve would take the first fish because he put the most work into rigging up the suckers.

When it was go time Steve handed me the rod and said "It's Rob's birthday. Bring it in." I was moved that he was that willing to let me take the first fish and reach my goal of trying to catch a musky on Rob's birthday. That's what you call a good friend.

I reeled up the slack to the point where my rod tip was in the water, then reared back and set the hook. The fish was quite a fighter as it dove left and right on me. As I recall, it fought a little harder than my first big one two years ago. After a minute it was boat-side and it made one last lunge away from the boat when it saw the net. I reeled him the rest of the way in and Steve netted it. It was a beautiful 34" musky, small by musky standards, but after fishing for 6 hours, I am always relieved to see a fish on the end of any line. We snapped a couple of pictures and set it free. Catch and release is all we fish. These fish are too special to keep. One day it will be someone else's trophy picture.

An hour later we had another fish in the boat, a 30" Tiger Musky.

When that was released, we figured our luck had run out, so called it a day.

Through all of it I became painfully aware of how important it is to stay patient in life's adverse or stormy conditions. If you freak out, throw in the towel or lose your temper, you're likely to miss the joy and happiness that may be as near as the next hour. Any fisherman knows, the worst fishing is typically when the sun is shining and the sky is cloudless. If you tough out the storm, you'll be glad you did.

And glad I was.

I had caught one of the most coveted fish, a fish that was for years the subject of smack talk among the brothers and I had done it on my brother's birthday, while wearing a shirt that was given to me by his wife. In my eyes, there was no place I would rather have been on that crappy day. I was absolutely happy the whole day. Some would call me nuts, but none of it would have happened if I'd had enough sense to get out of the rain.

Blogging off...

Homecoming Revisited (Is that redundant?)

2011-10-07T20:59:00.000-07:00

I went to the Waukesha South Homecoming game tonight. It was a 34 - 7 blowout where South was never really in the game. It was much like the other games I went to this year. Tough to watch, over by halftime for the most part. It's not a knock against the football program, but I guess it probably is ultimately.

Going to these games brings back memories of homecoming games when I was a student at Cretin High School. Cretin was much like the Waukesha South team at the time. A not-very-good team in a tough conference. I don't recall seeing them win a game, actually. I would usually go to these games with a few friends, mainly to goof around and flirt. (Which is pretty much what my daughter does at them too, so some things never change.) I'd watch the games of course, but they were always such blowouts that I'd lose interest and end up goofing off...and flirting.

It's kind of ironic because now Cretin has a good team that is consistently in the State Championship game that is played at the Metrodome. They finally won the big game last year after coming in second so many times. It however is a much different scenario now. The program has money behind it, big money. Tuition at the school is considerably (exponentially) higher than when I was a student there. I was able to pay my last two years' tuition by working as a busboy a couple nights a week. Try and find a student that can do that in these times. I don't thing it's happening. Not with what tuition costs.

So it was a walk down memory lane. And we lost, just like we did 35 years ago. Football is timeless.

Blogging off...

Mid-life Monday

2011-10-03T18:59:00.000-07:00

Had a bit of a mid-life moment today. I was riding home on my bike, like I did last week, and the month before that, and the year before that and the job before that, thinking I've been here before.

No, no that wasn't it. It was the thought that my life has become as predictable and as boring as the morning paper. Yeah, that was more what it was. That was it.

There is a rut in the road from my doorstep to my workplace that my bike tires have worn. I knew exactly what my evening would bring even as far as writing this blog. I knew it would be an evening of a bike ride, a bit of the evening paper and a walk of the dog. Then I'd pick Ben up from practice, eat some dinner, watch 12 minutes of the football game, feel the guilt that I wasn't writing, start writing and go to bed at 10:00.

Tomorrow will be strikingly similar. Strikingly.

What I really want to do tomorrow is Para sail. Or get kicked by a kangaroo in the outback of Australia. Or eat a chocolate covered insect in the jungle of Vietnam in a grass hut. Or ride a Harley out to Seattle and down the coast. Or climb a half dozen of the high peaks. Or sit on a crowded train in Turkey and wonder where I was going to spend the night. Or bike through Tuscany. Or help some Somalis dig a fresh water well. Or get a tattoo. Or catch a marlin in Florida. Or picket with the Wall Streeters in NY. Or bungy jump from the Royal Gorge bridge. Or learn how to do a 90 meter ski jump. Or get snake bitten in a perilous location. Or play receiver for the Packers for one series. Or skydive from a small plane. Or listen to Coldplay at the Opera House in Australia. Or help people stack sandbags to save their house from a flood. Or take a chopper ride in Hawaii. Or learn electric guitar. Or sleep in a mosquito net bed in Mozambique after a day of helping aids patients.

I'd really rather not dodge traffic on my bike tomorrow.

I realize that I have it good, really good. I have a beautiful wife who cares about me and two great kids that are as good as a man could ask for. I have a great job and a nice house in a great city/state. A dog, two cats and a pension.

I also know this is only a passing feeling and is completely unfounded. I have no plans on going through with anything drastic, and if you know me, you know I'm not that way. I won't be running off with the cleaning woman, as we have none. I won't be getting a Porsche Boxster convertible, as I could never afford the insurance and would look pretty ridiculous in something so small. I won't be taking a meditation class as I have inner peace without it.

But by writing it all out, in a way, I feel better already.

Blogging off...

Momentary Sports Mecca

2011-09-26T19:39:00.001-07:00

It's a good time of year to be a Wisconsin sports fan. I'll admit I am pretty much a one trick pony when it comes to sports. I LOVE NFL football, but don't have a ton of time for the rest of sports. I'll watch the standings for all teams from WI and MN, but really other than pro football, I don't really care who does what. When the baseball playoffs start if the Twins or Brewers happen to be in them, I'll start watching, but don't really watch much more than the standings during the year. That probably qualifies me as a fair weather baseball fan, but you know what? There's only so many hours in a week. I feel guilty enough watching two Sunday games and a Monday Night game.

Basketball is even worse. Any game where they score points every minute just don't do anything for me. If I watch a game, it's only the last few minutes of one, because why watch the first 100 points? Again, fair weather? Probably, and I'm OK with that.

Now, I do enjoy the NCAA Tournament in March. Do I watch any games other than the one's Wisconsin and Minnesota (rarely) are in? No. As soon as the Wisconsin teams are out of it though I lose interest. I'll root for the teams from my bracket, but only from the standings in the paper. You won't see me tuning in to LSU vs. Oregon St.

Having laid that out there, I AM excited about the Milwaukee Brewers at the moment. It's been 29 years since they won a division title, so when they won it on Friday, it was fun to watch. I even registered online for the opportunity to buy tickets if my name was drawn from the lottery. I got notice on Saturday that my name was not drawn, but I would be eligible for the NLCS or World series if they get that far.

Now, this is a small market team that has built a pretty good club from the ground up. In 2008 they won the wild card almost solely on the arm of CC Sabathia. This team is a much deeper club in many ways. Their pitching can be suspect at times, but they have plenty of offense and know how to win at home. It would be nice if they could get home field advantage and help themselves out.

Meanwhile the Packers are starting hot as well at 3-0. Their wins have been ugly, but are wins are wins. I expect they'll go deep in the playoffs and be right in it at the end.

Then, the Badgers are 4-0 as well. Their first real test is this weekend vs. Nebraska, so we'll see what they're really made of soon enough.

To round it out Ben's Jr. Blackshirts are 3-1.

Until then though, I'm taking a baseball team with a playoff berth, two unbeaten football teams and my son's team on the right track and running with it.

Blogging off...

The University of Traffic

2011-09-23T20:42:00.000-07:00

This is a post in the hopes that the Dean of Carroll University does a Google search on his own school and this blog comes up as one of the top 3 hits.

I have always loved living near Carroll University. I loved it even more though when it was Carroll College and it was a smaller, quaint college tucked inside the center of Waukesha. What has happened is they have grown the college by leaps and bounds. They are building apartment/dorms exponentially and filling them.

Now I'm all for free enterprise and growth. I guess bringing in people to spend money in the city is a good thing. They will eat at our restaurants, buy our groceries (and beer), and shop at our stores.

That said, much comes along with the growth. First and most obvious to me is the traffic. Foot traffic, auto traffic, bikes and scooters. They cross the road wherever is convenient for them and I've almost hit a couple on my bike. It's perilous at 7:30 in the morning and continues throughout the day. Added to this is the traffic for the schools nearby as well as people trying to get to work.

This has served to make me a crabby man.

They need to build a bridge over the Barstow/College crossing. Traffic trying to turn left AND right are both backed up because students are crossing to get to classes from their dorms on Grand Ave.

They now have a campus security cop-car wannabe, a couple of student shuttles to shuttle the students 3 blocks and the other day I even saw a Campus Security Harley Davidson. I couldn't believe my eyes. A motorcycle to go in a 3 block square? Seriously? The thing will never see second gear for crying out loud. What's he going to do, write out warning tickets? Does he get orange and white lights instead of red and blue?

This is a sign that Carroll University charges too much for tuition. That and the fact that they change the flowers in front of the dining commons and the campus arches every 30 days, whether they're dead or not. It's out of control spending caused by out of control tuition increases.

All of this is happening because there was no plan. No campus plan for traffic, controlled growth or neighborhood impact. My advice to the Board of Regents and other University mucky mucks is to now figure out how to fix what they broke. Wake me when it's done.

Blogging off...

You Took

2011-09-19T19:34:00.000-07:00

Below is the poem I wrote for my brother's funeral. It speaks of Rob's overcoming adversities as well as God's righteous plan, albeit mysterious at times. I miss him unbelievably, but realize we'll be reunited one day.

You Took By Jim Landwehr

You took away his hearing,

So that he might become a friend
to those You also chose for deafness.

So that he might better appreciate
the touch of his loving wife and beautiful daughters

You took away his hearing, Lord
but he listened to You still.

You took away his sister,

So that he might be a blessing
to his brothers and sisters remaining.

So that You could show him the love
of stepbrothers and sisters that he might never have known.

You took away his sister, Lord
but he trusted you still.

You took away his Father,

So that he could be a better father
to his own daughters

So that he might more completely love
his Mother, whose love never ceased.

You took away his Father, Lord
but he loved his Father in heaven still.

You took away his legs,

So that he might better see
that it’s people that matter, not circumstances.

So that he might fully proclaim that
no disability can keep a good man down.

You took away his legs, Lord
but he walked with you still.

You took away his life,

So that we might stand and recognize
the way he touched our lives, each one of us.

So that his memory shall resonate
for decades to come; an echo he hears in heaven

You took away his life, Lord
and now he’s with You, and us, forever.

Musky Men

2011-09-16T20:46:00.000-07:00

While we were up in Mercer, WI a couple of weeks back, I had set a goal to catch a musky with some of the equipment Rob gave me the last time I saw him. He gave me his musky rod and lures because he knew I would use them. It meant more to me than most of my possessions. It's weird how sentimental you can get about such things, but when someone very close to you passes away, you kind of grab on to what you can of them in a desperate attempt to heal some of the pain. To some it's jewelry, some a car, and some it's fishing stuff. My friend Steve got his brother's golf clubs and he treasures those.

Mercer is where my brothers Paul and Rob both caught their muskies. Paul caught his first when one year he decided to try fishing for musky - a very difficult fish to catch - after having such crappy luck fishing for anything else on Spider Lake. We wished him luck as he headed out with his rod and a very large lure. Turns out he caught one on his first cast, a feat that is nearly impossible. Musky are known as the fish of 10,000 casts, though they say with modern stocking and tackle/techniques, it is now more like 3,000 casts. In any case, they are not the fish of one cast, that's for sure.

Seeing Paul catch one, sparked the interest of Rob and the next year (2006) he caught his first musky (above) in a spot very near to where Paul got his. (No, not tellin' where.) A few years later I managed to get my first one in the same county, but on a different lake. All of this left Tom, my eldest brother, as the only one without a musky to his credit.

So, as I said, my goal was to catch a musky in Rob's honor. I got up early 3 days in a row, by 6:30 and got on the water. I fished using Rob's rod and reel, and I fished using my own new rod and reel. I threw lures from big to small. I tried it early in the morning and literally 10:00 at night. (Fishing at night was a first for me and quite a strange experience, especially with steam rising off the water which created an eerie scene.) I tried the old spots and familiar bays and the new spots including the narrows and other areas. I threw and reeled, threw and reeled and threw again.

I threw until my fingers were blistered and my shoulder blades were sore. I was desperate. "Must catch fish. Must catch fish."

While we were busy trying the whole weekend, so were my brothers Tom and Paul. Paul was trying solely for Musky and Tom for anything with fins. We had heard from a guy on the lake that he'd landed two musky on Saturday, but we had not so much as a follow to our credit.

We came home Sunday night to report that we had failed yet again to get a fish. It looked like there would be no musky this trip. I walked down to the big family cabin at Pine Forest Lodge where the bulk of the family was staying. When I walked in, I quickly found out that Tom had caught a 36" musky that evening about dusk.

Hallelujah!

In fact, I thought the only thing better than me catching one with Rob's equipment would be Tom catching his first during the trip.

A side story to the catch was that when Rob caught his, my sister Jane went to town and bought him a shirt with "Muskie Man" and a man in a superman outfit on the front. Well, Rob's wife Jane brought the shirt up to Mercer with her with instructions that whoever catches the musky during future trips must sign the shirt and gets to keep it until the following year. Tom got the honors this year. I'm sure Rob was looking down from heaven and smiling.

I'm booking for that shirt next year.

Blogging off...

Coming Up for Air

2011-09-12T19:58:00.000-07:00

It has been a brutal couple of weeks. As most of you know, my brother passed away on Tuesday, August 30th after a long, courageous battle with cancer. Much has transpired since then, too much to list here. I do want to talk a bit about our trip to Mercer, WI two weeks ago.

On Tuesday, when my family gathered at my brother's house to support each other, the idea was postulated that maybe it would be a good thing if they all went up to Mercer to be with us and heal as a family. When we got word that that was going to happen, we were very excited. Because of Rob's quick passing, I never got the chance to get home and be with my family during their grieving. This would give them the opportunity to come to me, in some respects.

We drove up on Friday after work with our friends Jill and Steve who had planned to come with us all along. They were fairly trepidatious about the thought of being caught in the middle of our family's mourning. We assured them that we wanted them there to support us and hoped they would carry through. They did and it turned out to be a good thing for everyone.

After unpacking, settling in and saying hello to sister in-law Jane as well as John and Cheri, the proprietors, we went down and said hello to my family. Steve and Jill were reluctant to do that, but were gracious enough to carry it through. When they did, they said that the whole experience of meeting my mom and some of the others in the family was touching for them as well. Steve lost his brother (47, same age as Rob) to pancreatic cancer last December (2010). He said he was touched by my mother's mentioning his loss and her genuine nature about both of our situations. It made me proud to be called her son, and proud to be called his friend. Jill was moved by the whole situation as well, and it was really, really good to finally introduce my good friends to Mom.

After introductions, Steve, Jill and Donna saw to it that I spend time with my family out on the deck of the big family cabin, while they went back to our cabin. I went back and there they all were, Mom, Tom, Pat, and Jane. Paul didn't get up until Saturday, but the rest were there. Just being there was absolutely healing. Laughing with them, telling stories of Rob and sharing other family memories and just being around them was therapeutic. It was a night to remember...and part of a morning too.

There was much fishing all weekend long, with few results as expected at this very difficult lake to fish (Spider Lake). One of the funnier things that happened was that over the course of the weekend, Steve's fishing rod kept falling out of the boat into the water. The first two times he lunged over the boat side to grab it before it sunk to the bottom, and each time he got it. The third time was at night and I managed to hook his rod with my very large musky lure on the back side of a cast. When I flung it forward he said "Jim, that's my rod!" as it flung into the water in front of me. I reached over with my own rod and managed to hook it before it sank to the bottom.

It was then that we joked that Rob was playing with us and seeing to it that our rods were always falling overboard. We said he was jealous that I was already fishing with someone else, and to make matters worse, I was doing it on "our lake." It was a lightening joke to an otherwise heavy weekend.

The weekend had so much more to it. So many layers of grief, sorrow, healing, renewal, growth, memories and memory making. As time goes on, I'll try and recount some of those on this blog. For now though, I'm going to slog forward, grinding through my grief and sadness and try and see where I land when the dust has settled on this incredible loss in my life. Rob's passing has made heaven so much more real to me than it ever was, and for that I am grateful. At the same time, there are moments in every day when I cannot believe he is gone. Fortunately I know that the former is where I know we'll meet again, and that is the source of incredible hope and relief for me.

Blogging off...

Summer's Looner Eclipse

2011-08-29T19:07:00.000-07:00

This time of year always reminds me of the summer's-end vacations. Those vacations squeezed between summer vacation and school, or between summer and fall.

Long ago it was when the brothers and I would typically take our Boundary Waters Canoe Area trip every year. We would usually drive up Labor Day and spend most of the week in the BW. We loved that time of year because it wasn't too hot, and the bugs were almost a non-factor. The nights got a little cool, but nothing unbearable and the days were usually in the low 70's and not too humid. The fishing was slightly better than in the heat of summer, but really you needed to wait a week or two later to get the good action, at least I'm told that.

The other vacation that we took this time of year was usually a trip to the cabin in Mercer, WI which I never knew until just now, is the Loon Capital of the world, whatever that means. I mean who's to say it's the Loon Capital other than the Mercer Chamber of Commerce? Maybe there's more loons in Hayward WI, or Ely MN, or Duluth. I guess you've got to be known for something. They do have a 2000 lb, sixteen foot giant loon in town, so I guess that qualifies for something.

Anyways, my family from Minnesota would typically rent out 3 or 4 cabins and all meet up there for a week of fishing, swimming, golfing and just hanging out. It was a great way to get the adult siblings and all the cousins together for a whole week when the kids were small. Before Mercer it was a place in Hackensack, MN, home of Lucette, Paul Bunyan's sweetheart evidently. She is over 12 feet tall as well and probably weighs as much as the loon. I read where her head fell off during a storm some years back and while they fixed her, they said she wasn't around because she was "with child." There is a smaller statue of Paul Bunyan's child next to her.

So welcome to Americana, I guess. It seems there's many towns that claim to be Paul Bunyan's birthplace, including Bemidji MN, Eau Claire WI, and even Bangor ME.

Perhaps we'll never know the truth.

Before Hackensack, we would go to Morningside Resort in Aitkin, MN, which as near as I can tell is only famous for the Turkey processing factory in downtown. It was always traumatizing to go to the Aitkin County Fair and have to walk past the plant and see all the turkeys flopping around upside down on their way to a thanksgiving demise.

All three of these places hold great memories. We'll be heading back up to Mercer this weekend with some friends. We're looking forward to re-connecting with the proprietors of Pine Forest Lodge, John and Cheri Stratte, old friends from way back. I hope to land a musky or two and a few walleyes with the kids too. Look for a picture by the sixteen foot giant loon, soon enough.

Blogging off...

Where Are They Now?

2011-08-25T19:46:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about old Viking football players today, for no good reason. As I ran through the names, I began to wonder where they are now. Where do football players end up after their gridiron careers are over? I'll cover a short history of a few of my boyhood heroes.

Carl Eller was one of the original purple people eaters and one of my biggest heroes. He had his share of battles with substance abuse after his career and is now trying to sue the league for it's unfair medical and compensation of retired players. He still makes an appearance at old-timer homecoming games.

Alan Page, another PPE original has had a very successful career as a Judge on the Minnesota Supreme Court. My mom once saw him on an elevator and thought to herself, I know a boy who used to idolize you. (That would be me.) He doesn't like talking about his playing days much. He'd rather talk about what he's doing right now. A great man.

Jim Marshall was another PPE who, sadly, announced he is battling cancer. He had an amazing career, but most people remember him for his wrong-way run for a safety after recovering a fumble. Too bad because he was an amazing player and a great role model.

Fran Tarkenton, another one of the greats. Went on to do That's Incredible and proved that he was a much better QB than an actor. One of his best passes was the one that went out of bounds to avoid a sack. No one did it better. That and scrambling.

Gary Larsen, one of the original PPE. He once met my sister in Northern Minnesota when she was out to dinner with my mom and dad. I remember she brought him back to the cabin. I shook his hand and thought WOW!

Wally Hilgenberg, a formidable linebacker recently died an early death, related to his multiple concussions. His family donated his brain to scientific research.

Bob Berry, a 3 year backup to Fran Tarkenton now lives in Nevada. Not sure what he's doing.

Chuck Foreman still looks like he could play. He was amazing. Great moves and an excellent receiver out of the backfield. Had a fumbling problem, but when he didn't he was incredible. He's a substitute teacher in MN. Gotta love real guys like that.

Karl Kassulke was paralyzed in a motorcycle accident and never played again. He is deceased.

All of this goes to show you that even someone who is a hero to you as a kid is just another real person who has real problems and eventually has to get a job just like the rest of us. The problem is I carry these names around in my head and their stories, even though they've been out of the game for years. I carry their numbers, their stories (e.g. Jim Marshall once burned twenty dollar bills to keep warm during a snowmobiling outing gone bad.) Why can't I get rid of this and remember things like where I put my glasses?

Blogging off...

The Party of the Third Part...

2011-08-20T19:52:00.000-07:00

It has been a weekend of parties for me.

Last night we started with a going-away party for our friends from church. They are moving to the Albany, NY area as the result of a job move. This family has grown closer to us over the years and so the fact that they're not going to be part of our lives anymore kind of hurts. Their son went on the Dominican Republic trip with Sarah. Donna has become fairly close to Jana, so they'll miss each other greatly.

They both have been faithful servants in the church, in the student ministry, women's ministries and others. They were the family that loaned us their truck when Donna was home alone and the serpentine belt fell off the van. It was never a question for them and they were quick to offer. That's what church people do, and that's what family does.

The second party was a couple of hours later in Bayview. It was hosted by our oldest Wisconsin friends, Jill and Steve. We've been friends with them since about 1990 when Donna was working at SEWCIL. Steve has become my fishing buddy and we've been through a lot of things together. They have helped us with many projects around the house, and we have returned the favor on a few occasions. Like our church friends, they would do anything for us. Jill always introduces Donna as "my best friend, Donna," which is a sweet term of endearment, albeit a bit uncomfortable for Donna.

We drove down to this party with our other long-time WI friends Patty and Brad. They too have been through a lot with us, most of all, our kids. Sarah and Patrick and Ben and Lauren all grew up together. Abby came along later and is like the baby girl in both our families. They kind of comprise a mix of the first two groups of friends. We got to know them first through church and now they've become long time friends.

The final party was today. It was an old friend of mine from work and his family. They have a party every year at this time called brewfest where he showcases a number of his home brewed beers and soda. As I said, he and I used to work together many years ago, and have kind of loosely kept in touch over the years. He lives on the same street, about a half mile away. Like the others, he too has borrowed me vehicles, watched my cats, helped me with home projects as well as biked and skied with me.

Understand that I'm not a big, big-party kind of guy. I prefer smaller affairs with a couple of friends or a couple couples. I do OK at them, but going to them has lost much of its appeal over the years. I'm not a hermit, but as I said, I'd rather get together with a few close friends so we can talk and hang out.

Having said that, it has become brutally apparent to me this weekend that I have some really, really great friends. Friends that care about what's going on in our lives, friends that love us and our kids, friends that share our perspectives and respect us when we take a different route than they would take. They cheer for us when we do well, they grieve with us when we need comfort and they laugh with us almost always, which is a great relief.

With Donna and I both being transplants from our families east and west, these friends have become what we call our Wisconsin family and we've learn to depend on each other. I for one am extremely grateful for all of them. They make us who we are.

Blogging off...

The Small World of Minnesota

2011-08-16T20:19:00.000-07:00

I am writing this on my new laptop which I picked up from a UPS Customer Center. I mention it only because of the strange, albeit cool encounter I had with the staff.

I walk in wearing my Twins shirt that Rob had given me a few months ago. Now I get more people connecting as Twins fans than I ever thought I would. I don't watch many games, but I follow them in the newspaper pretty close.

So this UPS driver says "Hey, a fellow Twins fan!" and comes up and shakes my hand. We talk a little baseball and I find out he was born and raised in MN. When he asked where I was visiting last weekend I said Shoreview.

"That's where I grew up!" he said.

Well it turns out that I ended up talking to him and the woman behind the counter for about 10 minutes. I told them about Rob's situation and many of the events around it. The guy and the woman were seriously distraught and compassionate about the story. He said it sounded like I had a really cool, close family.(See yesterday's post) He was exactly on point and it was good to hear someone remind me that it's not just my understanding. People recognize it for what it is.

After feeling like I had just talked to my neighbors for 10 minutes I took my package and walked away.

I think God puts people like this in our path during times like this to remind us of how blessed we truly are.

Blogging off...

Family Strength

2011-08-15T18:34:00.000-07:00

It was a good weekend to be a Landwehr.

We went to St. Paul this weekend to help Rob and his family with some painting/staining projects and got more than we gave, as usual. By this I mean that we were so uplifted by the love and support and joy of our family that what we came to do, paint a fence, actually became a side project to the bigger one of connecting with family.

It started with stopping by Mom's place where we had an hour and a half chat with her and my sister Pat. It was great to see Pat again and catch up with all that they were doing.

We moved on to Rob and Jane's next where the cousins immediately reconnected and went off to their lair in the basement. They are such good friends and enjoy each other's company so much. It helps us adults have time to catch up on all that's new with us.

Donna and I treated Nick and Janet to dinner at Senor Wong's in downtown St. Paul. It is an eclectic blend of Mexican/Asian food (hence the name) owned by a friend of Nick's. We were not disappointed in his choice as the food was outstanding. Better yet was getting one-on-one face time with the two of them. They are recently engaged and we were anxious to hear their plans. Rumor was a destination wedding in Fiji, but they quickly disclaimed that as a pipe dream. They want a destination wedding but are just not sure where yet.

When we got back to Rob's place he was up waiting for us to watch a movie. We don't get that option often, so stayed up and watched with him. The movie was disappointing, but it was great sharing some laughs with him.

Saturday was paint day, and paint we did. Shed in the morning, fence staining in the afternoon. My brother Tom came and helped in the late afternoon and my niece Steph and her boyfriend Derek came and took care of the kids for the evening. It was a long day of music, hot sun and paint. The cedar fence we stained looked spectacular when all was over and done with. A job well done.

After a dip in the pool (me) we had dinner and watched the Vikings preseason game (in the background) while we talked. We had some great laughs the three of us, recounting old times and old friends. After the game, Tom left and Rob and I continued our chatting until midnight. We talked about everything from college experiences, to hospice questions, to heaven and all things in-between. The whole deal was a magical evening that I'll never forget.

Sunday we woke at 8:00 and started right in on the staining at 9:00. By one o'clock we were done with the rest of the fence and started to pack for the trip home. We woke Rob up from his long power nap. He was wiped out from the previous night's festivities and so slept most of the morning and into the afternoon. It was an especially difficult goodbye for me as I knew the next time I come he'll be in in hospice care. I gave him an extra hard hug and he seemed to return it as well.

So, for a weekend that was supposed to be all work and no play was much more than both. It was proof to me of the value of family, ALL family at every level; mother, sister, brother, niece, nephew, in-laws and future in-laws. They form the net we need to catch us when we're free-falling through a tragedy as big as we are right now. They are beautiful, loving, caring people who are genuinely concerned with how I am doing, how the family is doing.

They are my family, and I love them infinitely.

Blogging off...

Back in the Saddle

2011-08-11T19:02:00.000-07:00

I started back at my writing class last night. It was good to be back around heady writing types again. We're a motley bunch, but we all understand each other. We encourage each other, point out our redundancies, point out our redundancies, give each other hints and point out our redundancies. It is a great climate to work in. No one is overly critical in part because Kathie won't have it. She said we need to be critical, without tearing down. No one benefits when a person gets insulted to the point where they question their ability.

We've got a little of everything in the class. Memoir, poetry, and lots of fiction. It is fascinating to follow the stories from week to week and see how they develop. It's a bit like I'm reading 10 books every week. (Or a chapter for 10 different books each week.) We listen as characters get killed, experience death and divorce, morph into zombies, grow old or die young.

While we work hard, we have a lot of fun in class too. The conversation often (sometimes too often) drifts off subject and we end up talking about a crazy side topic. Last night it was about the popularity (or not) of the e-readers (Nook, Kindle and iPad). People have definite opinions about whether they like them or not. I personally don't like them, only because I'm a bit old-school. I want to be able to put it down without knowing that it might get legs and I'd be out $120.00 or so.

At the same time, I recognize that they're here to stay and are a very efficient way to store many books. My fear of course is that it will one day supplant the written form and that would be sad. Infinitely sad. Fahrenheit 459 kind of sad.

We also got off on a tangent about the source of the phrase "God never gives someone more than they can bear." The closest source we could find was that it was Mother Theresa, and even that was not a direct quote.

The tangents take the edge off of class a bit, but the can get a bit far afield at times. Kathie is pretty good about keeping us on track though, so it's all good.

There were a couple of new students last night. Kim is writing her memoir, so is a kindred spirit of mine. She's starting from birth though, so goes back much further than me. Laura was the other new face and I think she's writing fictional short stories. Then there's the usual suspects, Mario doing poetry, Stacy and Mud doing Young Adult Fantasy, Ellen doing memoir, Sandy doing fiction, and Michael doing mystery. As I said, it's great diversity and makes for an interesting literary cocktail. They're great people. I love 'em.

Blogging off...

Saturday Searching

2011-08-06T19:38:00.000-07:00

Today was a good day.

Today was also an emotionally hard day.

It was filled with good stuff. Coffee with a new friend. The farmer's market for a loaf of good bread. Football equipment hand-out for my 13 year old son. A little house cleaning. A bit of editing. A long bike ride. Saturday service at church. Brennans for some goodies with Donna and Ben. A beautiful evening walk with my iPod and my dog. A dinner with the good bread from the market.

And yet there was this cloak of sorrow that prohibited it from being all it could be. It could have been a completely satisfying and perfect day.

Only it wasn't.

It was almost perfect.

People have told me there would be days like this. Days where you try to run from the pain and sadness, but you can't seem to outrun it. You try and keep real busy thinking life is all normal.

And it's not.

A thought comes along and there I go, wailing like an Iraqi.

A song plays on the iPod and there I go again.

Today the sight of a tree made me cry (for crying out loud). What's with that?

It's the thought that I'll never be able to camp with my brother again. That the day will come soon when he's forced to leave his house for hospice. That I'll never be able to road trip with him again. That I'll never be able to help him with a home project again, or vice versa.

How can life be so stinking rich one moment, and yet so incredibly sad the next?

I think it's God's way of mixing me an emotional smoothie.

Thanks for that...I think.

Church was especially hard this evening. The music always gets me and tonight was no exception. The take away from it was that it is in our desperate moments, our desperate reaches, that God shapes us. The pastor said that it is often times immediately after these times of trial that God does something wonderful and it helps us understand His timing.

But as I said, the day was full of much joy and goodness too.

The warming words of a friend who lost a brother to cancer struck a chord and helped me work through some of it.

The thought of the excitement and apprehension of Ben as he got his football equipment. I can remember well getting my equipment from Mr. Wescott out of his big scary closet of football stuff. It made me feel much bigger and tougher than I really was. I loved every minute of those days.

The freedom of riding my bike.

And so I'm left to reconcile what kind of day it ultimately was.

I've come to the conclusion that it was exactly the kind of day I needed.

Blogging off...

A Thousand Miles to a Thousand Islands

2011-08-02T19:19:00.000-07:00

Installment two of my vacation blog.

After our two days in the beautiful Adirondacks, we headed due west toward Thousand Islands Park. Donna had arranged for a two day stay at a friends' vacation home in the park with 5 of her college friends and a few kids. All together there were 13 of us in a beautiful 4 bedroom home.

The TIP (Thousand Island Park) settlement was developed at the turn of the century and I must say that when we got there I felt that we had gone in a time machine back to the turn of the century. The houses are (for the most part) meticulously maintained. The roads are for the most part gravel, which is fine, because most people get around by biking, walking or golf cart. It was surreal. Everyone was courteous and seemed carefree. I was telling Donna that I kept expecting to run into Katherine Hepburn or Humphrey Bogart or something.

Even the stores were surreal. The supermarket just had a sign that read "Grocery". Another read "Ice Cream Parlor," and still another read "Realty." I seriously think the world would be a better place with such simple choices. Why do we need 6 different kinds of grocery stores selling 42 different kinds of hand soap? It would be better if we had one store with 3 kinds of soap. Less to clutter our minds to be used for more important pursuits.

We spent the first night catching up with old friends over dinner and a couple beers. It was SO nice to sit and chat for hours on end with friends we haven't seen in 15+ years. We felt like we'd never lost touch. Picked right up where we'd left off 15 years ago. Good friends are like that. I know, because I have a few of my own from college. These are people you just mesh with and are comfortable from the start. No one puts on airs. There was no discussion of politics (which I loathe talking about with any friends). Just catching up with where each of us is at in life. Some reminiscing, but not too much.

We also went down to the Ice Cream Parlor that had a wireless hot spot and skyped with a college friend who's now living in England. It was technology at it's finest, even though we lost video after 10 minutes and had to work with just audio. Another good friend that we picked right up with.

The rest of the weekend was filled with swimming, tubing and even included a couple of firsts; Sarah and Ben both knee boarded behind Rich's 70 HP boat! They did extremely well and I was very proud when they both got up on their first try. They had a blast and want to do it again sometime. Their spirits are beginning to get a bit more adventurous, and that's a good thing.

Rich and I got out fishing for 4 hours on Thursday night and landed about a dozen northern pike. Most were in the 17-20 inch range, but I did manage to get a 25" in the boat after I'd dragged it out of the weeds it dove for once it was hooked. Fun stuff and the perfect end to a perfect vacation.

The whole two days reminded me of how important it is to enjoy your time with people you love. No one was overly attached to their phone or electronic leashes too much, we just sat and talked and laughed. I was determined to just enjoy the moment all along the way, and did just that. I have a new respect for the fact that I may never see some of these people again, so I was going to make the best of every moment.

And I did just that.

Blogging off...

From the Mountains, to the Valley

2011-08-01T19:54:00.000-07:00

Just back from our week in Upstate NY. It was a great week, all things considered. Tons of driving, but we broke it up pretty well so there was never too much, with the exception of the 14 hours there and 13 hours back (traffic and construction).

We stayed the first 3 nights at my sister in-laws house in Auburn, NY. They have a great old house that has a pool that kept the kids busy, and all of us cool. Wonderful hosts.

The second leg of our journey was to the Adirondack Mountains outside of Lake Placid. It rained most of the trip, but stopped in time for us to see the downtown area and get some crummy lunch at Pan Dolce. John got a "medium well" burger that was still moo-ing, the kids said their chocolate milk was not good, and the service was sssslllllloooowwww. A much better meal was had a couple of days later by John's family at Big Mountain Creperie and Deli, where they served both breakfast and lunch crepe-based sandwiches.

After a quick run-through of some of the Olympic sites, we got moving to set up camp.

The park was at Heart Lake and was called Wilderness Campground. It was a beautiful campground with way too many rules and signs. You had to register for everything. Register to fish, register to hike, register to park. It was ridiculous. Then, after all we did to get fishing licenses and bait, when we asked how the fishing was in Heart Lake, the park dude just chuckled and said, "Oh you might catch a bullhead or a perch, but it's not very good."

Great.

So much for the fishing build-up I did for the kids. If I wanted to catch bullheads and perch, I'd go to Minooka Park at home. We managed to catch Leah her first fish, a small bullhead, so it was not for naught, though that was the ONLY fish we caught there.

We ended up having to set up in the rain. Then we had to cook in the rain. Then we had to clean up in the rain. Actually most of it was done in the screen tent, so, in my opinion, was quite tolerable. Unfortunately, I was alone in my assessment. I must hand it to my kids though, they were absolute troopers who made the best of a bad situation and didn't complain one bit. I love them for their toughness and their adventure spirit.

The hot dogs that we were going to roast on sticks over a fire ended up being boiled and eaten standing up, for the most part. Again, not ideal, but we ate, and everyone eventually was full.

The next morning we had a good breakfast of pancakes and sausage. Nothing better than that in the woods.

We hiked up Mt. Jo, a short walk from camp. It is a small mountain only 2876' in elevation, but gave us a fantastic view of the surrounding peaks, including Mt. Marcy, the highest peak in the Adirondacks.

From there we hiked back down and had lunch. After a short rest, we departed for Marcy Dam, a 2.1 mile walk (4.2 total). It was a fun hike, not terribly challenging as it was pretty flat. It ended at the dam where it began raining again. Out came the ponchos. We all managed to stay pretty dry and again, there was very little complaining. I think when you start a trip out as wet as we did, anything less seems trivial. A good thing.

Dinner was a meal of spaghetti and bread. We followed that with a campfire and smores. One of the highlights of the trip was sitting around the campfire and going around the circle with questions like:

What was your favorite part of the trip?
What was your best vacation ever?
Who was your favorite teacher?
What was your best holiday memory ever?

It was so cool to see what people remembered. There were some things I had forgotten as well as some old favorites. You know, it really made me aware of how many good memories we've made with our families, from both sides, over the years. The kids have grown up together and memories like we were making that day still lived on in all of our lives.

As we were pulling out of the park on the way to the Thousand Island Park, Ben got a text that his friend from middle school had passed away. He slumped in his seat and just started crying. Donna climbed into the back seat and tried to comfort him as she cried along. I tried to steer through the tears, and Sarah wiped them from her own face and cried in solitude.

It was a moment of great grief and sorrow. A moment I will never forget. It was a sobering reminder of the life we had left behind, and the after-life we are all speeding toward.

Eventually the tears subsided, then recurred again later in the weekend.

I suspect they'll keep on flowing for some time, for all of us.

Blogging off...

Life's Highs and Lows

2011-07-24T07:38:00.000-07:00

It's day 3 of what is shaping up to be a great vacation in upstate New York. While the weather is hot and muggy, John and Jill's pool has been a lifesaver. It's actually made for a very relaxing vacation thus far. The kids are getting along so well that we hardly notice they're around most of the time. They occasionally show up for food or a quick minute of adult conversational stimulation before they run back to their cousins and resume playing with their cousins.

Trips to see the Neufang side of the family is much like our trips to Minnesota where they have cousins on my side of the family. They get along great with all of their cousins and it makes our trips here and there so nice because the adults can sit and talk without having to worry about entertaining the kids like we once did.

A good example of this was yesterday when we were sitting by the pool and Sarah and Halle came up and said they wanted to sing a song they'd written for us. The song was built around the 12 days of Christmas, but substituted in place of nice Christmassy things were disgusting things. (Snot balls, etc.) While it was gross to listen to, it was fun to know that the girls had created it together and written it down, and then were not too shy to sing it in front of me. Good kids being goofy, and, well, kid-like.

The other incident that comes to mind was when we first got here, Sarah sat down with Leah and started to draw a big picture of Captain Jack Sparrow. They both LOVE art and were giving each other tips as they went along. It was cute, innocent and heart-warming to watch. In a few years these times will be ancient history and I'll have nothing but the memories to enjoy.

There have been numerous other fun, cousin moments, Ben hanging with Grace in the pool, Ben and Halle shooting me in the face with high powered water guns, to the point of my eyelids turning inside out, and many others. It's going to be a great week.

At the same time, this morning I read a caring bridge update and learned that the diagnosis for Ben's 12 year old friend's brain cancer has spread to the point that he can't even swallow the clinical trial capsules that he was supposed to start on soon. The doctors have said that there's nothing they can do but keep him comfortable at this point.

Wow.

As someone said this week, I don't know how you wake up after something like that. I certainly don't know how I would do it. I think leaning on friends and family is the only way I've made it through my brother's ordeal, so I guess it would probably be the same if it were one of my kids. God Forbid. I don't even like the thought of it. I see how it affected my father the way it did when my sister died. I think I'd fall into depression and never come out.

So, my goal for the rest of the week is to realize how precious this time, this day, this hour is. To relish it, savor it, wrap my life around it and tuck it away into the deep recesses of my mind where I'll be able to recall it when I need it most.

Life is short. Know God. Love your spouse, family and kids. Get past your petty disagreements and hug your brother/sister/parent/uncle/aunt.

Blogging off...

The Swelt of July

2011-07-19T20:05:00.000-07:00

It seems there's a phenomenon known as a heat dome that is sitting over much of this great nation. It's resting on the country's mid section like a sumo wrestler in no hurry to go.

It could be worse, it could be February. People need to stop complaining about it and deal.

Heard that my brother got in the pool this past weekend. He had help from the family and got to sit on a raft for about an hour and enjoy his pool. Thank God for small miracles. When I saw the pictures, I was almost overwhelmed. I admire his (and his family's) willingness to try and get the most out of this time. He went fishing the day before and caught a couple bass. Another small blessing. Much of the family was there to witness the pool time as they celebrated the engagement of my nephew Nick.There are times I wish I was closer to home, and this was one of them. I guess we'll see him in a few weeks, but still...

Had to listen to the Women's World Cup Finals on ESPN radio on my laptop on Sunday. Felt like I was back in the 70's listening to the Viking home games that were blacked out because they were not sold out, a practice that I think still goes on today. It's interesting that my wife has a hard time visualizing football as described on the radio. For me it is easy, especially when a radio announcer says a team is going from "left to right." While that means nothing to anyone, it does to me. I can picture the field and which sideline the play is called to based on the announcer's description. In some strange ways I like it better than TV because I can be working on other things and still not miss any action.

Hopefully we'll have a full season and pre-season this year. The lockout talks are progressing supposedly, so it should happen. While I hate all the greed associated with the sport and the league, it would be devastating to have the season be shortened or shut-down altogether. It's one of the few things I watch on TV with any regularity. I can't wait!

Blogging off...

From California to Paris in Three Days

2011-07-17T18:55:00.000-07:00

I've been back from California for two days and am still suffering from a bit of jet lag. It doesn't help that it's a feels-like temperature of 105 or so. This kind of weather makes me wilt. I lose all ambition and everything becomes a chore. Luckily today was Sunday, so I didn't feel too bad taking it kind of easy.

San Diego was wonderful as usual. Lots of sun, 70's, and ocean breezes. It is the closest place to heaven that I can picture. I haven't been to Hawaii, but am guessing it would be even better.

Conferencing is exhausting. You're either on your feet, walking, sitting in uncomfortable chairs, eating rich unhealthy food, or networking day and night. I love/hate it for a number of reasons. I ALWAYS learn a ton at these things, way more than even a 3 day ESRI training class. At the same time, I am usually shot by Wednesday morning and want nothing more than to sleep for 14 hours. I wouldn't trade San Diego for anything though.

I went to Bastille Days with the kids today. Donna didn't want to fight the heat and crowds, so stayed home. It was nice to have some Q time with both of them alone. I missed them greatly in San Diego and had a good time eating crepes, begneits, and cheese curds with them. They are little adults now and get along so well at these kinds of festivals, which makes it better for everyone. Sarah had her little stash of money, so she shopped for jewelry and clothes while Ben and I people watched and tried to stay cool. The festival was bigger than I remember it, but still a lot of fun. My favorite festival for sure.

I taught Ben how to mow the yard yesterday. I figured he's 12 and it's time to show him the ropes. I figure I'll give him some money each time he mows and it'll allow him to earn a bit of cash. It was a rite of passage for him and me. I remember distinctly my brother Tom showing me how to use the Montgomery Wards mower in the back yard of Portland Ave. He showed me how to prevent cutting my toes off by keeping a safe distance from the blade. It was successful, as I still have all 10. I also remember hitting the top to a tin can that had been laying in the yard and it zinged off like a Frisbee and stuck in the neighbor's wood garage. It was like a Kung Fu star with no points, though just as harmful, I'm certain.

So with a little luck, I'll be spending more time doing other things and less cutting grass in the near future. And that's a good thing, so I'll be Blogging Off...

Conference Blast-Off

2011-07-12T07:52:00.000-07:00

Day 3 of my stay in San Diego for the 2011 ESRI Users Conference. All day yesterday was the Plenary session and at night was the map gallery social. It was a full day of rah-rah, all of it good albeit 6-9 months away from being released (ArcGIS v. 10.1). There were several impressive demos given of product enhancements that are groundbreaking.

A few things about these kinds of conferences are:

1. Many of the changes are head knockers in that what they sometimes show is stuff that should have been in the product two releases ago. You get so frustrated waiting for it, then it comes out and you naturally applaud, because you're so befuddled with how it was never there in the first place. That's the nature of software I'm afraid. but it's funny to see how grateful people are to have something so boldly apparent for so long.

2. So often the promise of new releases is refreshing, until you get the product unwrapped, installed and it's buggy. 80% of the stuff works, but you still get the application crash every two weeks or so, usually in the middle of working on something you hadn't saved in the last 30 min. Again, the nature of software, no doubt, but the more you come to these and "drink the Kool-Aid," the more cynical and cautiously optimistic you get about anything that purports to "shave 30 minutes off you're workday." Sometimes that 30 minutes is negated by the 45 minute work-around to do what you used to do in 25.

3. I imagine it's the same thing at the Apple new product roll outs introducing the latest cool app, tablet, phone or laptop. The iPhone (v. 4) is a good example. It came out and it was "ooh, ahh" and then the whole antenna problem surfaced and people were shocked. Well, the rule in any technology is wait a month or two, or better yet a full Service Pack cycle before you adopt a new technology. It'll save you grief every time.

4. The afternoon plenary session yesterday was captivating in that there were three recognitions that were amazingly positive and uplifting. In one a magnet school in Los Angeles did work with middle schoolers on mapping pollutant travels through drainage channels using GIS. It is so cool to see kids using this with enthusiasm, in the interest of changing the world.

Second was a couple who were working in Rwanda with the 500,000 coffee farmers in the area to grow "specialty coffee" for places like Starbucks, etc. This took place after the genocide in 1994 and has grown these farmers income from $500/mo to $3000/mo over a 10 year period. GIS was used to analyze soil, temperature, and other factors. A perfect application for GIS technology.

Finally was a woman talking about global warming and outlining her work with the European Environment Institute to curb it using international monitoring and accountability. GIS was at the core of their research. Again, great change potential, showing both promise and the urgency that we need to take action on things re: carbon footprints, etc.

So, I'm jazzed about GIS and all it can do to make the world a better place. Like every year, the important thing is to carry this enthusiasm back and put it to work on my little niche of the world. I guess that's all you can do. Think global, act local.

Gotta run to my first session. What a great conference, in a great City!

Blogging off...

Eight is Enough

2011-07-08T19:52:00.000-07:00

We're dog-sitting for some friends of ours over the weekend. They usually take our dog when we go on vacation , so we wanted to reciprocate.

I want you meet Bentley.

He's quite possibly the happiest, most energetic dog alive. I've never seen him slow down. It's not a bad thing, just very different from Toby, our Cairn Terrier. Toby tires after a walk and needs to lay down for a couple hours. He can wrestle with Bentley for 5 minutes, and hold his own, but then he'll lose patience with it and need a 30 minute rest. Bentley is the Energizer Bunny Dog. His heart beats at 200 bpm and his motor just revs at red line. He's like a dog on meth.

Dogs are a lot like humans that way. Some of us are wired to work hard, play hard and think about the consequences later. And then some of us are more like the get to work when we get around to it, work at our own pace and take the afternoon off type. Sad, but true. We can learn a lot from our dogs if we just watch them interact.

Right now, as I write this, Bentley is sitting next to me on the love seat, because he loves me, panting in my face. It's a little uncomfortable to be loved and needed this much by a dog. It makes me uneasy. Toby sometimes needs some love, but he can just plop and lay. Bentley needs to be told he's loved and petted, and reassured in 5 minutes that he's still loved.

I think part of it is that I can see Bentley's eyes. Toby's are hidden behind his eyebrows that twitch when he looks around. I can see Bentley's needs because I can see his eyes. He has beautiful brown eyes, so they kind of slay me in a way. He's hard to resist.

He's a mix of a Jack Russel and a dachshund I think. He can jump like a Jack and he actually reminds me of a baby deer. He's fast as all get-out at the dog park and few if any dogs can keep up with him; certainly not Toby who's built for comfort, not speed.

Anyway there's going to be a new energy around the house this weekend. We now have two adults, two kids, two cats and two dogs. At any given time, one of these eight will need something from one of us. It's a new dynamic and it's going to require a bit of patience and probably a nap or two.

Blogging off...

Through This Door Walked

2011-07-04T14:49:00.000-07:00

I have spent my last couple of weekends refinishing our back door, which was in dire need of a face lift. It was nicked and scratched in many places and in some areas the shellac or finish was completely gone. Its condition never much bothered my wife, as she just saw it as an entry way to our home, where friends and family are always welcome. I have been meaning to get to refinishing it for about the last 5 years, but never quite found the time and energy. To me it is the first thing people see when they come in our house. While the paint and exterior of the house is in pretty good shape, our door was beat. It needed some TLC.

Understand that most people (at least our friends and family) enter our house not through our front door, but through our back. I've never quite understood why this is, but think it might be the result of where our driveway sits. It's just easier to park and walk to the back door. For this reason, I thought the door needed to be shaped up. It's a reflection of the way we care for the rest of our house, so I want it to look nice, or, at least better.

Last weekend was spent doing the rough sanding. It is a very hard wood, likely oak or maple, so I used the palm sander for most of it. The panels required using sandpaper and elbow grease. While the sanding got most of the finish off, it still didn't look right. My friends recommended that I strip it using a chemical stripping agent. That was yesterday's project. I applied it, scraped it, and reapplied a second coat and scraped it again.

Today was stain day. I took it off the hinges again, (I had to put it back on last night) and applied the stain evenly over the entire door.

As I was doing this I began to reflect on the history of the door.

I thought about all the people who have come through it over it's 90 year history (if it is the original door). The fathers and mothers. I thought about the newborn babies that were brought through the door in car seats, baby carriers and in parent's arms and the calls of "Here honey, let me get the door for you."

I thought of all the emergency exits and entrances that have come through the door. Health emergencies, doctor visits, kid owies and boo boos, and the like. I wondered if paramedics had ever come through the door, or will they in the future? (Let's hope not.) The emergencies got me to thinking about all the bad news that has walked through the door. The news that someone was just let go at work, or that Uncle Phil has leukemia, or the dog has to be put down.

And with the bad news, the good news that has passed through it. The engagement announcements, the excitement of a new pregnancy or a high school sports championship.

I thought of the pets that have scratched at the door wanting in or out. In because they missed their family, were hungry or just finished doing their business on the lawn. It is the door that four times a day we let our dog out to pee and bark at the rabbit that may or may not be in the back yard. It doesn't matter if it's not there, he'll bark anyway. I wonder if there were ever pets that bolted through the opened crack of the door only to send the owner on a wild chase. I recalled the two times I had taken pet cats through the door in pet carriers to their ultimate ending at the pet clinic because of failing health.

I thought of the mighty winter storms that this door kept out over the years. The twenty inch blizzards of January's past, the sub-zero February nights, the blistering 100 degree July days and the cold, damp March days. The door when opened reminds us of the nasty elements we leave behind, and the warmth we walk into. It acts as a barrier to the wrenching heat, and stifling cold of Wisconsin and sometimes of life itself. The elements and the people put this door in the bad condition it was in, and it is up to me to try and make it right again.

The window of the door reminds me of how we look through it to see who's coming, to watch the dog rolling in something in the grass, or a rabbit or stray cat that has wandered into our back yard. I wonder if the window has ever been broken by a ball or slammed too hard in a fit or rage that necessitated it being replaced.

While it's become blindingly apparent through the process that I am not a woodworker (as the refinished door is testament), it's also become clear that like all the previous owners, I value my house and want it to be a haven for friends and family. A place where we can feel safe, live life's joys and sorrows, and slowly learn how important it is to be together.

The door is where it all starts.

Blogging off...

The Joy of Urban Fishing

2011-07-02T17:00:00.000-07:00

One year ago, I was catching abundant large fish in Canada with a couple of friends. The fish were plentiful and we spent 8 hours at a crack catching them. I loved every minute of it, even in the bad weather. The thrill of thinking that your next fish could be a monster fish or a record breaker, well, you just can't put a price on that. Paired with the good company of a couple of friends, and it's just a great, great memory for me.

Now, because I don't own a boat, fishing locally is a bit less rewarding. I hardly ever get out around town here, so those trips to Canada were where I'd try and get it all out of my system in a single trip. I've found you can't do that with fishing because the minute you stop, you start wondering where and when you'll fish next.

Well, I had a jones to wet my line the other night and had seen a potential spot on the way to dropping Ben off at camp. The spot is on the Fox River down in Big Bend, so I drove there and parked in the gravel at the approach to the bridge.

Not knowing much about the spot, I started fishing with a Rapala Shad-Rap, a fat minnow-looking thing. The river was flowing pretty good, but it's good and deep, so I wasn't worried too much about snags. The shad-rap wasn't the answer, so I switched lures a couple more times. It was with my blue Rattlin' Rap that I got my first action. I felt a tug and the adrenaline kicked in. I reeled furiously for a few seconds, trying to tire the little guy out.

As I reeled it in, I began to sense that it wasn't a fish after all. There was no left-to-right movement or much pull at all. When I got it to shore, it turned out the joke was on me. It was an old Capri Sun package (Photo at top). I have to say, it is my FIRST catch of a drink bag, so there is that. Also, I think those bags are always in season, and there is no limit. Besides, I like to chalk it up to doing my part for the environment.

Suffice it to say, fishing in Waukesha isn't quite the same as fishing in Canada.

Not content with having bagged just a bag, I crossed the road to the other side of the bridge in the hopes that it would be a bit more productive. I changed lures a couple of times and still had no luck.

Out of desperation, I put on a spoon; a shiny gold and silver daredevil looking thing. While I wasn't catching much of anything, it sure was nice to be out there trying. I just love being on the water, outdoors, killing time.

I was literally two casts from calling it in when, wham, I got a strike. It pulled pretty good, so I set the hook with an attitude and started my retrieval. The thing gave up a pretty decent fight. It felt nice to have anything on, so my goal was just to get a good look at it, if not a picture.

After a minute or two, I got it to shore. It looked like it had thrown the hook, as it was in his gill on the outside. I got lazy and tried to heft him onto shore, and the hook came out. It looked to be about a 16" largemouth bass. It sat there for a minute and then swam happily away.

This of course meant I had to stay and exercise my futility for another 30 minutes, because that's what fishermen do.

In any case, it reminded me that if there's no one to share the excitement and the joy (or the proof) of catching, it's just not the same. This is not to say that it wasn't the high point of my day, because it was. I hope to do more fishing from my new spot and will blog if I have any luck.

Blogging off...

Another Piece of Me

2011-06-29T20:01:00.000-07:00

I was back to normal
for an evening
but now there's another piece of me
that has gone MIA

There's traces of him
here and there
wrappers, magazines,
a rogue Nerf dart

I wonder if he has
any idea of how much
I miss him
or love him?

Today I felt like an amputee

missing an arm

after just having my leg

reattached on Saturday

He's likely been gunned down
in a paintball firestorm
and has a tale to tell
of the shot he took in the neck

I miss him breaking into song
while camped out on the laptop
or riling the dog
right before bedtime

In two days he'll return
from Jesus camp
and the peace I have will be
replaced by the piece I'm missing.

Shaving in the Pacific

2011-06-28T18:52:00.000-07:00

It is gorgeous out today. 75 degrees and no humidity. It is San Diego gorgeous. That is absolutely my favorite city on the planet and when we get a day like today, I long for San Diego. I would live there in a minute. Unfortunately, on my salary, I'd be living in a refrigerator box and driving a shopping cart with one squeaky wheel. My address would change daily, a little like odd/even parking. It would be tough pressing my shirts when every day after work, they would get stored in a big garbage bag, along with my mismatched socks.

I would love the weather, but my beard would eventually take over my face, as I'd have to shave in the ocean or in the sprinklers, which only run at night in the city. Ocean shaving would be tough, especially when the jellyfish are mating or migrating to Los Angeles. They sting your calves, and swatting them with an Atra razor does little good.

I could probably eat pretty good because I'd have no mortgage, rent, car payment, cable, internet, magazine or newspaper subscriptions, not to mention no homeowners insurance. My homeowners insurance would have to be the gun I'd have to carry around, or maybe a shiv, if I couldn't get at gun permit because I didn't have an address.

Eating good is no fun though when you're a lousy cook like me, so I'd live on fast food and end up with a gut on me, high blood pressure and cholesterol that would be through the roof; if I had a roof.

My family would have left me shortly after we'd relocated to the beautiful city and were evicted because we couldn't pay for our house that was, oh about, $450,000. They'd have tried to understand my love for the weather enough to tough it out, but after a few days on the streets, they'd move back to Wisconsin, or maybe Pittsburgh.

I'd have an amazing tan, or, more likely an all-over burn, because I'd be exposed all day, every day. I know the ladies dig homeless guys with that all-over burn and long beards, so it wouldn't be long before I'd remarry. My vagabond lifestyle would be too much for old whatshername and she'd leave me too.

But the days on the ocean front picking up cigarette butts after work to support the habit I'd have taken up because work is so stressful because my boss would be critical of my hygiene habits, particularly my beard with sticks and portions of yesterdays stir fry stuck in it. He'd want me to see a shrink, and I'd lash out and say, "I don't need no stinkin' shrink!"

This would not please my boss and coupled with the allegations that I was stealing pens and post-it notes and had been seen peddling them in the Gas Lamp district late at night, would force him to put me on occupational probation.

So smoking second-hand butts it would be.

And all of this because of a good climate. I'd better stay in the equivalent of climate hell until at least the kids are out of the house.

Blogging off...

In and Out of Country

2011-06-26T08:08:00.000-07:00

Summer came in at about 120 decibels today, pretty much from sunup to sundown. It started with my neighbor's son re-roofing a small portion of their roof for the second time in less than 3 years. It seems he's a country music fan and like most people working on the outside of their house, he likes his music on the loud side.

Now I don't want to sound like Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino, but you see I have a thing about country music. I'm just not a fan. Never have been. Can't be. Won't be. Tried it. Don't like it. Never will probably. Keep thinkin' it might grow on me. Doesn't. Just grates on me.

So I am likely to be accused of being labelled as un-American, or perhaps a socialist for saying such a thing, but hey, it's a free country. If it could be a country-free country, well, that would be even better.

Don't get me wrong, I don't have a grudge against people who love country music. I don't understand their allegiance, but they likely don't understand my allegiance to rock, blues, reggae, world, alt, indie, or jazz. I like all of those, and as I said, I've tried to include country, but it just never sticks.

I don't know if it's the sometimes phony drawls or the scripted format of "my dog, my truck, my woman, my bad luck, my country, my gun, my, my, my..." but it's just not happening for me.

Now I'll give you Waylon and Willie, but that's about it. I'm nit biting on Alan Jackson, George Strait, Hank Williams or the guy who sings "High Places." (Is it Garth Brooks?) Again, no offense to those who like it, but it's just not me. I can't like it. ;-)

There was a period about 4 years ago where I was really into smooth jazz, and I never really liked jazz, especially that kind of jazz. But all of the sudden, it just struck a chord with me and I couldn't get enough of it. I'm over it now and am wondering if the same might happen with country music.

Nah.

In addition to the country blast from the neighbor, I enjoyed a full day of Harley pipes, dragsters, lawn mowers, edgers, car stereos, sirens, and neighbors. I even contributed my portion using my palm sander to refinish our back door. I did it inside the garage to spare the neighbors, but am sure I did my share. Overall, summer is a very noisy time. It's no wonder I and the rest of the world are going deaf.

Huh? What?

Again, I'm starting to sound my age, and I realize it, and I don't like it. I'm going to try and not become a crotchety old man. Now, get off my lawn and turn that music down!

My daughter Sarah returned from the Dominican Republic last night. It's hard to describe the emotions I felt seeing her walk down the steps of the school bus knowing the experiences she had probably had. It was overwhelming. I am so proud of her. It sounds like she had an amazing time and made a ton of Dominican friends. I'll talk more about the pictures she showed us and the stories she told in a later post. Suffice it to say that my goal for next summer is to get Ben and me over there.

As I said I'm working on refinishing our back door. Yesterday I took it off the hinges and sanded it down. I really don't know what I'm doing, whether I'm sanding too little or too much, but I'm giving it a go. I always tout how I AM NOT handy, but I manage to get things done to a decent level every time I take it on. I'm confident this will be no different. I've found that you can google anything and find a video on how to do it. We really have no excuse not to tackle any project anymore. It's how I fixed my dryer, some of my plumbing clogs, etc. It's been a great help. I owe a lot to the fine folks at Google. They're likely invading most of my privacy, but they've been there for me too.

Blogging off...

A Little Piece of Me

2011-06-21T19:53:00.000-07:00

There's a little piece of me
on an Island
far out in the Caribbean

She's got my DNA
my long legs
and some say my face

But she's on an island
in the Caribbean
and I can't even call her

I wonder if this piece of me
has any idea
how much I missed her today?

I have a picture of the piece
on my desk
and it helps to look at it

But the island thing
in the Caribbean
makes the rest of me sad again

I know she's probably doing fine
so far away
but me...not so much

In four days she'll leave
the Caribbean island
and return to me my peace

A Longing In My Heart

2011-06-20T19:01:00.000-07:00

My daughter is gone. She's a couple thousand miles away and I miss her. It is amazing how quiet a house becomes when it goes from 4 down to 3. She's a pretty quiet girl anyway for the most part, but I really miss her presence. It's spooky quiet most of the time, even with Ben and his friends over. It's like the house is missing it's furnace or something. Something major like that. There are moments you forget it's there, but without it, the house just isn't complete.

She is in the Dominican Republic in Jarabacoa on a mission trip for church. She wanted to go of her own accord, and we weren't about to stop that. Anytime one of our kids wants to do a church event, especially of this magnitude, we aren't going to do anything but get behind it fully and completely.

I think it's important for her to see what real poverty and need is like, even though I think she has a much better understanding of it than most 15 year old girls, and I'm not just saying that because she's my daughter. She has a zeal for seeing the world and a big heart to go with it. She thinks internationally whereas when I was a kid, I could barely think anymore than regionally. It's a different time now than it was in 1976 when I was 15. The Internet has made the world a much smaller place.

And so I wonder what she's doing at this very moment. Is she hanging out after dinner with the team, talking about their day? Is she mingling with the locals in some sort of social event? Journaling? Worship? Prayer?

Because they are in the remote mountains of Jarabacoa, they have very little outside access. We got an e-mail today from the lead pastor who said they had arrived safely and were facing a long week of laying block for the orphanage they're working on. The leader told us to expect her to be tired from all the work.

I was thinking about her yesterday and how she'll do and it occurred to me that she'll be fine. She is an A+ student, and works hard at everything she does. She's a perfectionist and doesn't want to let anyone down when it comes to team projects. She'll work to get as much done as she can before she returns. It's just the way she's wired. She's a worker bee. There's times she wants to be the queen bee, but she's a worker bee at a minimum.

I miss her greatly, but know she'll come back a changed person.

Speaking of worker bee, I spent 3 hours Saturday on a church service day event. Elmbrook hosts these events 4 times a year where we go into the community and volunteer. This one had some of us going to West High School. We were charged with cleaning lockers and desks. The desk cleaning meant scouring the tops with soapy water, but also scraping gum off the undersides of the desks.

To say it was disgusting is an understatement.

The picture you see above is the sum of all of our work, and we only covered 4 classrooms worth. We were joking how the gooey stuff was from the last week of school. We wondered what to sculpt with the finished product, but decided to let it speak for itself as a single mountainous mass. We also joked that we'd have to do a blindfolded taste test to anyone who didn't pull their weight.

In any case it was a great day of service. The kids worked hard, especially when we moved from something boring like locker cleaning, to something gross they could relate to like chipping gum off desks. Gotta love that kid spirit.

And finally, I'm moving my blog to a custom domain to make it easier to remember how to find it. If you want to set a new bookmark, set it to http://writerjimlandwehr.com

The http://mrmomforaweek.blogspot.com link should redirect you to the new one, but I just wanted to make you aware of it.

Thanks again for checking out and/or following my blog. It's a fun way for me to keep my writing fresh and to keep brushed up on my skills.

Blogging off...

Among the Monks

2011-06-15T19:49:00.000-07:00

I spent last weekend at the AllWriters Retreat in Techny, Illinois. It was a great weekend, away from all distractions with large chunks of time where writing was the main focus.

I got down there good and early and settled in to my room in the "Maria House" dormitory where most of the weekend was spent. It was actually what made up the convent of the entire complex, which is quite large. The grounds included an enormous, beautiful Catholic Church that brought back many memories of the church I grew up in in Minnesota, namely St. Lukes, which oddly enough has been renamed to St. Thomas More. I'm not sure how or why they renamed it. It's a little like the abolition of limbo. How does that happen, just all of the sudden? You take something that people have believed in for years and say, well, it never really existed after all. What? I would think that St. Luke would be a little hacked off by the slight, myself.

The grounds of the place were beautiful. There was a stations of the cross circle that was pretty cool. There were beautiful walking paths, ponds and fountains and a plethora of statues. A nice quiet, serene locale for some deep thinking and writing.

The weekend came off like this. Friday we had dinner as a group at a local buffet. Then we returned to Techny Towers for a kickoff/inspirational lecture on "Writing the Rough Stuff." This session was on how to write "rough drafts" as well as how to right "rough topics." Kathie did a great job and we finished it up with a collaborative poem exercise (see below). The night wound down until the wee hours with a social hour and music provided by Mario Medina, a gifted musician and a heckuva poet.

Saturday we had breakfast and then were given the whole day to free-writing. It was blissful. Some people spent the day in the common room, some outside (despite the cool temps), but I chose to stay in my room most of the time, so as to not be distracted. I got a ton of writing done, but kind of wish I'd had one more full day of writing.

That night we had dinner on-site and spent 4 hours critiquing each others submitted work. This brought us to 12:00 AM when most of us decided to retire to our little nun beds for the evening.

Sunday morning we had a light breakfast and hit the road running early with critiques from 8:00-12:00. After lunch we had a "liftoff motivational lecture" and a creativity exercise that was a lot of fun. Each of us was assigned a paint color chip with 4 colors on it. From this we were to use at least 3 of the 4 colors on it to describe a character in a 5 minute piece.

Once we were done with this we were dismissed.

I can't say enough about the weekend. The best part of it was being around other writers, many of them way better at the craft than me, who struggle with the same kinds of issues I do. Scene setting, dialogue, point-of-view, chronology, etc. It was weird having 14 people hammering me during my critique time, as I'm used to only 6 or 8 at a sitting (at the Wed. night class). I had some great chats with friends old and new, and an informative and helpful 20 minute consultation with Kathie, the instructor.

I hope to make more of these kinds of events in the future. This weekend brings the Southeast WI Festival of Books to UW Waukesha, so that should be a good start. I'm really enjoying my writing outlet. I'm meeting tons of new, interesting people and it's been really, really good for me.

Blogging off...

Smoking is so....Regal

2011-06-09T19:28:00.000-07:00

A couple of weird things happened today that have been rattling around my head, so I thought I'd get them out by writing them out.

I was in the store today and in front of me was a gentleman who asked the clerk for a carton of Pall Mall unfiltereds.

Now for starters, I didn't even think they made those things anymore. I seriously think it's a misdemeanor to smoke them in 9 states. You need a permit in 6 others, I'm guessing. Seriously. Those things pack a punch. In my twenties, I had about a half of one and got so dizzy I couldn't drive. Seriously. And this guy was buying a carton of them? I would think you'd need at least a doctor's note to even buy a carton of them. (Dr. Kevorkian in this case.) I figured this guy was aiming to end his life tonight. in a cloud of smoke, so to speak.

Anyhow once I got past the fact that they still make Pall Malls, and that people still smoke them, I watched the clerk ring it up to the tune of $84.00!

What???

I got Pall Mall-dizzy all over again when I saw that come up on the register.

I guess everyone has their vice. Mine is the occasional $2.00 cup of coffee, which is a travesty in its own right. I'm also grateful that I never took up that habit to the tune of ever needing to buy a carton. Thank God for small mercies.

The other weird thing that happened today was that every time I turned around, there was a Buick Regal . Now the weird thing about this is that my brothers and I were just talking about these on our fishing trip a few weekends ago. We were joking on how the median age for drivers of them is about 82 years old, which is pret' near the truth.

The ones I saw were not new either, most of them five years old or so. They are not a stylish car at all. They are like the Ford Taurus for people over 65, I think. They are boat-like in appearance and likely handle like a boat. But my question stands. Why did I see so many today? Was it because I'm attuned to the whole Regal thing, thanks in part to my brothers? Or is Waukesha just a big Buick market?

I don't know, but if you see me in one in 20 years, tell me to stay in my lane.

Blogging off...

A Bit About Sisters

2011-06-03T20:03:00.000-07:00

I realize I have given undue pages and preference to the brothers in my family, both in my BWCA memoir and in this blog, especially in light of what's been going on with Rob lately. I don't want to short shrift the other third of the family, namely my two sisters Pat and Jane. I also had a sister I never knew who died at age 5. I often wonder how any or all of our personalities would be different if she had lived to adulthood.

I love my sisters as much as my brothers, that much is true. They both started their families at quite a young age. Us boys all started much later, so our kid's are almost like two different generations. I'm not saying that is a bad thing, it's just how it worked out. Pat and Jane's kids grew up with one another, and my own kids and the other three brothers' kids have grown up together too. In that sense, we have seen and done more with them than the sisters.

It is in these emotionally difficult times that I've come to appreciate the sisters on a new level. My sister Pat has made very expensive trips out from California to see Rob. Jane's love for him runs so deep that she can hardly talk about the whole deal, at all. I see that and I recognize it. As a friend of mine said, everyone grieves differently, so you need to respect that. All I know is it's great to have sisters to hug when you're working through all the crap that makes up a cancer journey.

I have some great childhood memories of my sisters. Both of them were notorious for throwing high school parties when my mom was out of town, and I, being the goody, goody always threatened to tell mom. I was such a nerd. I don't ever recall actually telling on them, but somehow Mom always found out about it anyways.

Pat was always the dictator around the house. I remember her throwing our winter coats and boots down the basement steps in an attempt to clear the refuse before Mom got home. She was a relentless and frightening matriarch, and I'm glad to say we all lived through it.

Jane was always the emotional, dramatic one of the house. Her moods could change like the weather, and Lord help you if you crossed her. She was known to throw shoes, phones, and whatever she could reach in an attempt to make a statement. It certainly got our attention.

I don't mean to paint a bad picture of either of them. They were both doing the best they could in a situation where they were essentially in charge of mothering 3 of us (Me, Rob and Paul) during the hours that Mom was at work. They did a great job, as none of us turned out to be ax murderers. We all get along with our sisters, no black sheep in the whole family, so something must have been done right somewhere along the line.

So that's what I wanted to say. I wanted to say that I have sisters who would give the world for me and I know it. They always speak good of me, despite the fact that I'm miles away from both of them. We are family. I got both my sisters and me.

And that is a great thing.

Blogging off...

A Little Taste of Heaven

2011-05-31T19:55:00.000-07:00

Well the fishing event with Rob, Keith and the brothers was a rousing success. I cannot believe how well everything went from start to finish.

We started at Rob's place where the wheelchair accessible van met us at 2:30. He was rolled up, I packed our gear and rode along with him and the driver. Rob commented how nice it was to not have to do four "lifts" into and the car. That is the thing that tires him out.

We got to Tally's Dockside right about 2:45. As we were waiting for Tom, Paul and Keith to show up, I heard a beeping alert on the radio inside the fishing office. There were tornado watches in effect for Scott and Carver counties, a few counties to the southwest. My first thought was, here we go, we get this far and then the weather doesn't cooperate.

Then after Tom rented the pontoon with a 40 hp engine, (it was a dog and moved at the speed of a Mississippi barge) the owner told him "You see any lightning, and I need you to come right in."

More thoughts of dread ramped up again. The clouds we saw sure looked ominous and surely there would be some lightning at some point.

After we wheeled Rob down the ramp, we all got on board and got situated. I set Rob's line up with a slip bobber and a small jig that Paul gave us. I topped the jig off with I rigged up my own line next the same way. We were out for crappies, but like always, would take anything with fins.

About 20 minutes into our fishing Rob landed his first fish, a small crappie. I've never been so glad to see a small crappie in my life! I was hoping for more and bigger fish, of course, but thought at least he wouldn't get skunked on the day.

Then the rains came.

And they came hard for about 20 minutes. We pulled Rob under the canopy and all gathered together under the small roof. (I joked that it was more like a landau roof, as it made for a cozy few minutes together.) The nice thing about the rain was it cleared the lake of a lot of boats, which gave us room to move about.

Later in the day, Rob managed to land a 17 inch largemouth bass that was a beauty. Bass season hadn't started yet, so we had to throw it back after a few pictures. He also managed to land a small northern pike, a small perch and a nice fat sunfish to finish out the day. The rest of us all caught fish, except Keith who always seems to struggle to catch when we fish with him. I really think he enjoys being around us and, hey, a boat ride with your friends and a few beers beats pretty much anything. I landed two largemouth bass (and lost a third fish of unknown species). Tom lost a fish and managed to get a northern to finish out the day. Paul also got a nice largemouth to his credit.

On top of the plentiful fish, we saw a number of loons and even an eagle soaring overhead, a rarity for that close to the cities, I imagine. Rob mentioned after the fact that while we were all joking and talking in the boat, he was just taking it all in.

I cannot help but feel that the hand of God was present throughout the trip. Everything from the weather, to the fish, to Rob's health, to the accessibility, even down to the loons and eagle. Lord knows we had enough people praying for the situation. When all was said and done, it was the Boundary Waters without the serenity and seclusion. It was as close as we could hope for, given the circumstances, and I thank God for all of it.

A couple of videos of the day:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzZ5T1yB7HM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XM8WkMCman8

Blogging off...

Concerts Come and Gone

2011-05-26T20:03:00.000-07:00

My wife went to Bon Jovi last Saturday and her friend sent this picture. It reminded that it's been a very long time since I've been to an arena for a concert. I've been to a fair number at the Marcus Amphitheater, but that's outdoor, so really doesn't count. I'm talking about the hockey arena venues that are acoustically awful. Nothing like steel and concrete to muddy the words of a searing vocal solo. Throw in the echo factor and well, you get what you get, unfortunately.

Now this is not to dis arena rock entirely. Some of my best concerts have been at arenas. Santana in 1981 was one of those. I had great main floor seats at the old Met Center in Mpls, before they tore it down. Of course Carlos Santana could play in a subway and sound phenomenal, so I guess that counts for something. The other thing that made that show better than most arena shows was the fact that I was on the main floor, like 15 rows back or so. Being that close tends to make the echo factor a bit less annoying. It's when you're in the nose bleed seats and the band all look like they're 6 inches tall that you wonder why the experience is any better than the album.

That's not to say the main floor is always a perfect acoustic experience. I managed to land main floor seats for the Rolling Stones on their Tattoo You tour in '81 also. Great seats, too dang loud! The saxophone drowned out everything on a couple of songs. It was a good show, just not their best. As I recall, by the time it was done, so was I.

I went to most of my arena concerts at the St. Paul Civic Center. It was more of the same. Designed for hockey and conventions primarily, it was not a great musical venue. Again, some good (Eric Clapton, who I saw there 3 times) and some not (ELO). ELO happened to be my first concert in 1978, and I still say it was the loudest. They put on a phenomenal stage and laser light show, true cutting edge stuff, but something with the string instruments, combined with too much volume and the venue itself, and it was just OK.

I've never been to a show at the Bradley Center in Milwaukee, but I'm guessing it's probably very similar to the Met or the Civic Center.

Frankly, some of the best concerts I've seen have been at smaller halls. The Church once played the Barrymore Theater in Madison. GREAT show. One of the most riveting performers I've ever seen was John Lee Hooker who played in bars (The Cabooze in Mpls and the Green Toad(?) in Milwaukee. More recently, Sarah Groves, Casting Crowns and Third Day all played in churches and were phenomenal shows. About a year ago I saw Norah Jones at the Riverside Theater in Milwaukee and it too was really, really good. (It's nice to be able to sit for most of a show too.)

I can say too that all of my outdoor concert experiences have been positive. Alpine Valley is a perfect place for a show. Saw the Grateful Dead there as well as Eric Clapton and Mark Knopfler. There's something softening about being outdoors where the music just takes on a life of it's own. As the wind blows, the notes change and carry differently. Good stuff. I've even been to a couple good shows at the MN State Fair (Rod Stewart, Kansas).

All of this was spurred by my trying to remember the last arena rock concert I'd been to, and I think it was Eric Clapton at the Civic Center during his August tour in 1986. A great show too.

I think going back to an arena rock show sometime has become a new bucket list item for me.

Blogging off for now though...

Student Driving

2011-05-21T21:17:00.000-07:00

Took Sarah on a doomsday driving lesson today, her first ever. We figured since the rapture didn't come off as planned, we should probably plan for the future and get her some time behind the wheel. I hate when cataclysmic events are a letdown.

We went to an abandoned WalMart parking lot and switched drivers. I familiarized her with everything from the mirrors, to her seat adjustment, the gas and brake pedals, how to shift, etc. It's funny, but when she tried to shift, she didn't hold the button in, so it wouldn't shift. It was then that it occurred to me how much we take for granted as drivers. That was also the moment I began to get a bit uneasy. She really didn't know the first thing about what she was doing. I remember the feeling, but that didn't help a great deal, sitting in the seat where my mom once sat.

She started out slow and things went OK. She had a tendency to want to horse the wheel back after a turn, to which I told her, let the car do some of that for you. She was treating it a bit like a video game Ala Mario Kart. At one point, I had to grab the wheel and help her turn left or risk crashing the cyclone fence and ending up in the retention pond. I never dreamed I would do something as "old man-ish" as that, but when you are fearing for your life and your car insurance, you take action. She laughed and said that "steering and working the gas and brake at the same time is hard."

This is when I began to get a tad more than uneasy.

The rest of the time she did pretty well. There was one occasion where I had to tell her to come to a complete stop, because I did not like what I was seeing and wanted to tell her what she was doing wrong. Another time she took a right turn a bit tight on the curb and went up over it a bit, but hey, we've all done that right?

Now I consider myself a fairly laid-back guy. I don't sweat the small stuff, I'm not chronically early or hyper organized, as you all well know. But this was a test of how laid back and calm I could be, or at least appear to be. I know from driving with Donna that being in the passenger seat gives you a WHOLE different perspective on how fast you're going, what obstacles you're facing and other key variables. You have a sense of "non-control" that the driver doesn't. I always kid her when she grabs the door handle when I'm driving, then I get in the passenger seat and I grip the dashboard. There's something about not having access to the brake pedal, I guess. Plus, you can't get inside the drivers head to know if they see what you do. It's a fairly defenseless feeling and I'm not fond of it. I'm much happier in the driver's seat.

The weirdest thing is that I've reached this point. It seems like yesterday that I was strapping her into the car seat. Soon enough, she'll be strapping me in with my orthopedic shoes and my hearing aids and driving me to the senior center for arts and crafts. Time flies, especially when the rapture fails to happen.

Blogging off...

The Official "End of the World" Post

2011-05-20T20:31:00.000-07:00

With the coming rapture tomorrow, I'll probably not get around to another blog post in this lifetime. Unless there's a wireless connection in paradise, I guess. Then I'll try and sneak one in just to let you who didn't make the cut know how it is. (And it will be magnificent!)

Being a Christian I have to look at these claims objectively. If Harold Camping was the real deal, why was he wrong in 1994? Prophets, at least the good ones, aren't typically wrong, especially about things as significant as...oh...say the end of the world. Those they tend to nail a little better. Evidently his math was a little off and after further review, May 21st, 2011 is it. I've seen the math and, frankly, it made my head spin. Most math does though.

In any case, it seems like there are a number of broad based assumptions that went into this oh-so-precise doomsday prediction. My favorite part of the whole thing is the 6:00 massive earthquake prediction. Someone called into a radio show about that timing, and asked what time zone it was related to. Furthermore, what happens in states like Indiana where Daylight Savings Time is not recognized? Does it come an hour earlier within those boundaries?

It's all very confusing. I'd rather it just happen on like September 26th 2022 or another random date And while I'm at it I'd prefer it happen on a Monday, because Mondays suck anyways, and getting pulled up to heaven surely beats the drudgery of my Monday morning work routine. Frankly I'd really rather not know when it's going to happen, and I'm sure not going to stock up on guns, water and Spam. That's because I fully intend to not be around to need it.

You see I can poke fun at this guy and his prediction because, as I say, I have nothing to fear. My wife and I had this discussion last night. There's a question about the numbers that will be chosen as God's elect, something like 3%. Small numbers when you think about the total percentage of people that claim to be Christians.

Yet at the same time there are several references in the Bible, and might I say the entire tenet of the Christian faith is based around Romans 10:9 that reads: "If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."

I say, if the "chosen elect" is based on something hidden over and above this tenet that I and millions of other Christians did not know about, well then, that's terribly, terribly unfortunate for us. However, I tend to trust in the perfect love of God and have complete faith that Christ was sacrificed for our sins, so that those who see that, recognize it, and respond accordingly (the important part) are going to see Him again in heaven. If I didn't have confidence in that, I wouldn't be so snarky about an 89 year old crackpot preacher who didn't like any church he was in, so chose to start his own. After all, the Bible speaks repeatedly about false prophets too. Kinda makes me wonder if Mr. Kamping's going to be in heaven when I get there.

I try not to get too political or spiritual in this blog as they can be fairly divisive subjects. However, I also refuse to hide my faith. If you know me at all, you know how much it means to me.

On a lighter note, today was a beautiful spring day. Put together with yesterday, it actually strung 2 nice days together. It's been a miserable spring so far, in fact the other day when I got home from work I heard the furnace on. In May. Mid May. Not right.

My daughter got her license temps yesterday. I took her to the DMV and we waited in all the various lines and waiting areas. It's a brand new facility and is much nicer than it used to be, but still a bureaucratic process to be sure. We started at the "Information Desk" where everyone starts so they can tell what they're there for, be given a number, and herded to a waiting area. We waited until the photo guy called her name (not our number that was given us mind you, but her name) and she got her picture taken. Then we sat back down until her number was called by an automated voice.

We stepped up to a out appointed counter and she took a vision test that was a farce. She was asked to read line 4 and when asked, the automated voice started talking and I couldn't hear any of the letters she was saying, and I don't know how the clerk could have. She passed though and we were instructed to wait by the issuing window, which we did. 5 minutes later her name (not her number) was called again and we picked up her license and were on our way.

Now that was easy, wasn't it?

I felt sorry for the people in line behind us who forgot to get a birth certificate for their son who was trying to get his license. Been there before...

Well, tomorrow is a big day, obviously, and I've got to finish some painting before the big earthquake, so I'd better go for now.

Blogging off...

Another Year Gone

2011-05-17T20:04:00.000-07:00

Tonight was the closing celebration for Mosaic Middle School ministry. We closed it out with outdoor dodge ball and the Talent Show. I've never played dodge ball outside, but it was actually kind of fun. Nice to be outdoors and there's something to be said for a wind advantage when you've got a 12 MPH wind at your back when you're chucking with all your might.

The talent show was a lot of fun. I have nothing but complete respect for every contestant in the show. I could never have the nerve to get up there in front of everyone and sing a song or dance. Maybe in a group of peers, perhaps, but never A Capella. Most were VERY good, and a couple were, well, not. Even the bad ones got good supportive applause. That's the beauty of Mosaic. It's all about building each other up, not tearing down.

It has been an interesting journey, this year as a leader in Middle School. I originally looked upon it with great trepidation, not knowing what to expect. I always thought "I'm not good with teens," but you know what? God said differently. All He asks sometimes is that you shut up and jump in. Then let Him help you and you'll be fine. It's been that kind of year for me. I was blessed with a great group of kids, well behaved and respectful. I got to keep in touch with Ben and yet not lead him, which was a nice change from Boys Club. It's not that I don't want to be with him, I just think it's good that he has another person to teach him through Middle School. I co-led him through Boys Club. Change is good.

If I could point out one thing I've learned this year from leading these young men, it's that these kids just want to be heard. They want your attention and approval. They want to learn more about God and how he fits into their life. Their bodies are changing, their emotions are up and down, and they're just looking to see where they fit. My job was to tell them that they are talented, gifted and valued. That was easy.

And so next week is the Leader Appreciation Dinner where some of the Student Ministry Team (SMT) actually serve the leaders dinner. I am going with Ben and it should be a good night.

Blogging off...

Saturday Silence

2011-05-14T08:27:00.000-07:00

It's Saturday morning Donna has left for a Bible study with three friends and the kids are still asleep. I was going to start vacuuming the house, as I do every Saturday morning, but I thought I'd sneak a post in while it was quiet and before the shooting starts.

Ben has a new video game called Brink and it entails the good guys trying to maintain an area (the Brink) which requires killing the bad guys with much gunfire. It is obnoxiously loud and frankly, stifles any creative thought coming from his father. It's a bit like trying to write a novel in the middle of Baghdad during Desert Storm. I tell him to turn it down, but then it's just like I'm hunkered down a bit and the bullets are flying over my head.

The game is rated "T" for Teens. That is one of the rules we laid down when he bought the XBox mostly out of his own pocket; No "M" (Mature) games!

Now has he tested us about getting M Games you ask? "Why, yes he has," I reply. Like every other week or so.

He uses many tactics and arguments to try and get us to cave.

"All my friends have Call of Duty: Black Ops." To which I reply, "Would you like to go live with your friends?"

Or the old "There isn't much blood in this game." To which I ask, "Is it rated M?"

"Yes," he replies

"Well, it's M for a reason, be it blood, language, violence or others, so the answer is no."

He's tried: "On this game, you can turn off the swears," To which I ask, "Is it rated M?"

"Daaaadddd!"

Now I'll admit I'm a softie. I cave more often than I should with some disciplinary things. Fortunately though, I know that the problem with a lot of kids today is that their parents want their kids to be their friend, not their kid. This is tough to do when you feel strongly about something and you stand up to it. It's our JOB to try and instill good values and choices in our kids. If that means keeping them from that which was deemed offensive by a panel of people designed to QC such things, then so be it. If it's good enough for them, it's good enough for me. I'll continue to use their recommendations to block TV channels, movies, web content, video games, and any other infiltrating attempts. Crap, most of it!

So I'll stand with the "No M Games Declaration" for a few more years. He may hate me for it now, but my guess is that when he's old enough to understand, he'll thank me for it, or at least begin to see why we made the call.

For now though, he's awake, fed and the battle is about to begin. I'm going to fire up the Eureka and run for cover.

Blogging off...

The Slow Rolling Steam of Spring

2011-05-13T20:45:00.000-07:00

Spring approaches like a reluctant dog

On it's knees

Crawling in submission

Like people are going to hit it

Its eyes dart left and right

Leading with a cold, grey wind

A sunless sky

A wicked smirk on its face

Its cheating us one day at a time

Of that which we are past due

Our deposits coming

In the hell called

December through March

Despite its slow approach

It leaves little teasing promises

In the flowers and buds

And a rare jacket-less day

But then the seasonal sadist

Is back to its same old tricks

A cold rain; threat of a shower

Sky the color of a basement floor

The rain brings life to everything

But us humans left to live in it

There are times when spring

With all it's hope and promise

Really just turns out to be

Winter without the snow

Blogging off...

Furthermore...and in Conclusion

2011-05-09T18:48:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about the last post regarding sprinkling of my ashes when that day comes, hopefully far into the future, and I wanted to complete the thought.

A friend of mine had a retort to his wife who said that when she died, she wanted people to have a party. He said he wanted the saddest music you could find and each song should be dragged out so people would be weeping uncontrollably. I thought that was a hilarious comeback, and it actually made me think about my own music on that day.

I would want the proper reverential songs during the service. (No "On Eagles Wings" please). There's so many good ones that our church plays, but I just can't think of any that I would love to have, other than In Christ Alone and Mighty to Save, two of my favorites. If you could get Sara Groves in there live to do a couple songs, that would be good too. Or maybe Third Day.

I say that because it is proper and right to be reverent at a funeral as it means handing over a loved one to God, where ultimately they're complete anyway.

However....

I want the last song to end on a searing, scorching three minute electric guitar solo, complete with ear splitting feedback. If this can be done live it would have to be done by U2's The Edge, Carlos Santana, The Kinks' Ray Davies, or maybe George Thorogood or BB King in a pinch. Whoever it is, and it would be nice if it was live, should end the solo by smashing their guitar and then a couple of pyrotechnics could go off. It sounds a bit heavy handed and a tad edge and maybe even irreverent, but that's how I want it. I want to go out leaving an impression.

If you're wondering why I would want something like that, it's because despite my calm, laid back demeanor, the searing solo is what is really going on in my head most of the time. It's how I want to live life. I want to turn it up to eleven and go out in a fog-machine cloud. Besides, it might shock a few people, and that makes me laugh.

Mothers day was good around here. We went out for coffee at the Steaming Cup after church. That has become our newest favorite thing to do as a family. I love supporting a local (non-chain) business and the place has such a cool ambiance. Their coffee is outstanding and they make a cinnamon roll with butter cream frosting and caramel that is phenomenal.

The coolest thing about our trips there is it's one of the best chances to talk as a family, relatively uninterrupted, for an hour or so before we all go racing off to our other Sunday activities. We laugh, tease each other, discuss the upcoming week, talk about dreams and vacations, the sermon at church, and school and work and relatives. I cherish those times because before you know it we'll be putting Sarah off to college and Ben won't want to go out with us alone. These are the slow-down moments of a Sunday when we reconnect, look each other in the eye and share our feelings. Good stuff.

My other favorite recent activity also involves the Steaming Cup on Saturday mornings when Donna and I sometimes sneak away for a couple cups before the kids get up. For many of the same reasons, communication and catching up, I love the one-on-one time to be able to listen to her uninterrupted. I'll admit that going through the week, I listen at 3/4 speed to most of what everyone says, including Donna. That's the pull of work, home life, writing, Mosaic, etc. It's not a conscious bad habit, but a bad habit nonetheless. That is why I like the Saturday sessions. It gives me a chance to listen to her, tell her I'm sorry I don't listen better, and just enjoy each other and remember why we were attracted to each other in the first place.

So that's my latest passion. A "Steaming Cup" of coffee with my family. Because it's all that's right about life right now.

Blogging off...

Ashes to Aspens

2011-05-05T19:18:00.000-07:00

Donna and I have had several talks about our plans for once we die. It's clear that we both want to be cremated. The thought of anyone hawking over our corpse at a funeral is not at all appealing to either of us. We are still in disagreement a bit over whether we would want them buried in a plot somewhere. I'm kind of the thought that it would be good to have somewhere that our kids and grandkids could go to recognize us. Donna says we're not there anyways so what's the point? I tend to agree, but I'm not sold entirely on the idea yet.

We are in agreement that we would both like to have our sprinkled in various locations. So, for the record, here are my top 10 spots I would like mine sprinkled and the reasons why:

Coronado Beach, San Diego, CA. It is one of my favorite places on earth. The City of San Diego itself is my dream home, but the beach at Coronado makes it even better.
The Boundary Waters Canoe Area. Many great memories of trips with the brothers and friends. I told Donna to pack some of my ashes in a shotgun shell and shoot me over the BWCA. That way I go out in a blaze of glory, so to speak.
The Madison Farmers Market. I love a Saturday stroll around the capitol square with good cup of coffee and a sugar donut.
Myrtle Beach, SC. A close runner-up to Coronado. The weather can be a bit sketchier, but still some great memories with family and in-laws on the white sandy beaches, complete with palm trees.
St. Paul, MN on the lawn of the Greek Orthodox Church where we played football as kids. Best memories of growing up occurred here.
Waukesha, WI. My home away from home.
Black Hills, SD. I love the area. Visited it as a crazy 19 year old and went back with my kids and saw it for all it is.
The highest point on Trail Ridge Road in Rocky Mountain National Park. Unfathomable beauty and breathtaking vistas at every turn.
The shore of Lake Superior in Duluth MN. The lake holds incredible mystique for me.
Uchi Lake, Ontario Canada. The spot of my first Canadian Fishing fly-in trip. Great fishing, great times, great adventure.

By the time the sprinkling is done with, there may not be much of me left to go around, but if so, a few runner up spots would be:

1. Linwood playground, St. Paul MN, where I played organized football for the first time
2. The Glacial Drumlin Trail, Waukesha, WI. I'm happiest on my bike on this trail. (See last blog post).
3. Spider Lake, Mercer, WI. The place of numerous fun family vacations with the MN clan.

Morbid post, eh? Perhaps, but I'm at the point in my life where this kind of thing doesn't scare me anymore. It's actually kind of a relief to talk about it.

That said, I'll be blogging off...

Venom Culture Revisited

2011-05-03T19:53:00.000-07:00

The theme at my church's middle school ministry (Mosaic) is venom culture and like many of the weeks past, I'm learning as much as the kids from Pastor Brown. He speaks to their level so well, but what he may not realize is that he's teaching the adult leaders as well (or at least me...or maybe I'm just a teen at heart). The message was basically that the same mouth we use to praise people and build them up is used to tear them down and ridicule them as well.

He went on to show some pictures of a friend of his from this past summer who had "cut" herself on her arms and was scarred heavily. She had internalized all of the hateful things said about her and the only way to emote was to disfigure herself. It was sad. So very sad.

In any case, while I know it affected the kids, I know all of the adults were looking around going "hmmm, I say some pretty crappy things sometimes too...sometimes to people I supposedly love." So, like the kids, it's something I'm going to work on. Lord knows I need it.

I got my first 10 mile bike ride of the spring in yesterday. It was not gorgeous out, but it was warm enough to wear shorts and a fleece and not freeze. It felt great to be back out there. We've had such a crappy spring; cold and wet. It still is one of my favorite places on earth, on my bike on the glacial drumlin trail. All the stresses if the day fall away and it's just me and the road and my thoughts.

Oh and they shot Osama Bin Laden Sunday. Lets hear it for the good guys.

Blogging off...

A Warehouse of Fun

2011-04-30T15:34:00.000-07:00

I write this from the friendly confines of a gutted, now defunct Menards store that has been renovated into an indoor Mountain Bike course. It's called Rays MTB and while it's a liablity nightmare, it is a very cool place. What they've done is purchased an old Menards and built a ton of bike ramps for all skill levels. As I write, kids are zooming around me, and above me, getting exercise in a relatively safe environment. The floors and ramps that they ride on are all wood, so even if they take a digger (and they just helped a kid off who had been hit in his gut with his handlebar) it is onto a forgiving surface for the most part.

The place is actually only open for 8 months of the year Oct-May. This is the last day it is open until fall, and it is fairly busy today. Ben and his friend are trying to convince the other friend to go down a ramp that he is hesitant to try. I can feel for the kid a bit, as I know how it used to be when your friends wanted you to do something really badly and you had to build up your courage to do it. I also can relate to Ben who just wants his friend to experience the rush of going down the ramp. Neither one is wrong, just kids being kids.

So I missed the entire Royal wedding. Does that make me a bad person? I hardly know Will and Kate. I doubt they missed me.

For some reason, ever since the Celebration of Life party, I have been having much fewer crying jags about Rob. This doesn't mean I'm less sad about it, but I think the party helped me deal with the grief and the grieving process in a healthy way. It was a turning point of sorts. It made me happy to see him happy, as happy as I've seen him in months. That's all I wish for him at this point; that he be happy. I don't expect him to be 100% healthy at all times, but if he can keep positive and happy during the good times and the good days, that's about all I can expect. Sure I'd like to be able to fish with him, and sure I hope he gets out when he can, but most of all I just hope he stays happy.

A little more about Chicago on Thursday.

Sarah loved Chicago, which was not surprising. She was digging the whole hustle, bustle thing and seemed to really like the whole international, cosmopolitan edge to it. I was telling Donna that I could totally see her as an aspiring young professional living and working in Chicago, maybe not owning a car, taking public transporation everywhere. It's not a place for everyone, but it is for Sarah, I think.

Ben liked it too, but I think he's going to be a wide open spaces kid. Maybe Colorado? Time will tell.

Well, the rock music is beginning to get to me and I've been here 4.5 hours, so I think it's time to pack it in for now. Bye Rays MTB...see you in the fall.

Blogging off...

Chicago in 12 hours

2011-04-28T19:15:00.000-07:00

We did the Chicago power trip today as a family. We woke early at 5:00 AM and drove to Kenosha. Hopped on the Metra and an hour and a half later we were at Oglivie Transit station. From there we huffed it down to the West Egg Cafe for some breakfast. It was a phenomenal breakfast. I had the french toast which was made with raisin bread, and sausage on the side. I then ate the rest of Donna's scrambled eggs and some of Sarah's pancake. (Hey, walking built my appetite!)

From there we hiked another mile and a half or so down Michigan Ave, and back up again to the Art Institute. This was the high point, by far. We saw Impressionists, Modernists, Realists, Cubists, and even a few Artists. To see some of these paintings almost brought me to tears. A few of the more memorable ones were the Rembrandt portrait of a Man with Gold Chain, which was positively moving in it's detail. Another was Van Gogh's self portrait and his La Berceuse paiting of a woman. Salvador Dali's works were amazing.

I have nothing but complete respect and admiration for the talent of these masters. I can only think in two dimensions, these guys see in four. Their mastery of light, nuance, detail, color, subtlety, and shadow is mind numbing. I wish I had some of that artistic talent. Writing is one thing. Visual arts are a whole different sphere of the brain I think. One that I must have bumped playing football long ago.

After the museum we did Millenium Park and had a good time taking pictures by the bean. We finished up at Giordano's pizza and had some amazing deep dish.

It was a great day and I'm exhausted. Too exhausted to write anymore.

Blogging off...

Desperate Rain

2011-04-26T19:50:00.000-07:00

The rains of April have not disappointed this year. Coupled with the unseasonably cool spring we've had and everyone's just kind of in a weather holding pattern around these parts. Winter is surely behind us, but we're a ways from the warmth of summer too from the looks of things. It's enough to drive a person mad. At least we have the sunlight thing going for us.

On an unrelated, but equally despondent note, the Buffalo Sabres have officially been eliminated from the playoffs. After being in a commanding 3-2 game advantage, they dropped the last two games, losing tonight 5-2 to the Philly Flyers.

I don't pretend to be a huge Sabres fan. I am a huge Sabres-in-the-playoffs fan. It's kind of the same thing with the Minnesota Wild. If I watch a few games a season, that's a lot, though I follow their record in the standings. When the playoffs come around though, I'll try and watch both those teams, though the wild seem to miss the playoffs more than make them. Some would call me a fair weather fan. I like to think of it more as budgeting my time around the games that really mean something. Maybe when I retire I'll get a big, fat satellite dish so I can get every game by both teams and watch them all winter. Yeah right.

Ben went to a great indoor bike park today with a friend for spring break and had a blast I guess. The place is named Rays MTB and features a number of ramps and jumps that you can ride mountain bikes on. He texted and said it was amazing and that he had snagged a couple of free passes that have to be used before Sunday, so I know what I'm doing on Saturday I guess. As I look at it it's a great, athletic activity for him that he can do with his friends, so that's cool. It's a wee bit spendy at $30 for the day, $40 if you want to rent a bike. The boy needs a job.

Otherwise things are status quo around here. Writing class tomorrow. I was editing a bit last night and got to laughing at the story I was writing. I wondered if that made me a "bad writer", like a comedian that laughs at his own jokes. I don't think it does, it only shows that I'm having fun doing it. And after all that's what it's all about isn't it?

Blogging off...

Groundhog Day Everyday

2011-04-22T17:40:00.000-07:00

I mentioned to Donna how every day seems like a repeat of the day before lately. Like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. It's like I'm living a Hollywood script that I've memorized to the letter. Sure, there are slight variances in each day that keep things interesting, but for the most part, Tuesday was a lot like Thursday.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not depressed or anything like that. Donna and I talked it through and attributed the fact that there's a cloud of sadness hanging over all of us. A cloud that makes the mundane tasks of life even more mundane, and the joy filled ones a bit muted. It's great to have her to bring me back to reality once in a while. Here I am thinking I'm the only one mired in my own sorrow, and she reminds me that we're all going through it and it will get better someday.

Writing group was great again this week; one of the high points of my week, every week. Kathie was in Chicago, so her husband taught the class. As usual, the stories coming out of the group are always so entertaining. A story about a teenage green witch, another about a boy who wanders into a fantasy land via his closet. Another woman is writing about a rock star named Nick that gets into a fight where a guy gets killed. The great thing about this group is that none of this stuff is real, yet it all reads as though it is. It's like reading 4 or 5 short stories every week.

Of course all of this is supplemented by some great tangents and dialogue from the various writers in the group. This week we got on a tangent about the word weenis, which is an actual word by the way. It led to some places you can only imagine, and was pretty much the end of any rational thinking in the group. Luckily it came at the end of the night.

Tonight it's just me and the dog. Ben's at a sleepover and Sarah and Donna are at work. I get lucky in that there's a Buffalo Sabres playoff game that I get to watch while I write and blog. It's been a thinking man's heaven really. Pizza, hockey and blogging. What more can a man ask for? Besides, the rain is coming down pretty hard. Not a nice day.

Time to move on to some BWCA editing.

Blogging off for now...

Celebration of Life

2011-04-18T19:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday (Sunday) was Rob's Celebration of Life Party. We arrived at Rob's house on Saturday, about 1:30 and saw that he was not having a good day. He had a fair amount of pain in his clavicle area and the lower part of his left lung. When he coughed, the pain seemed to be overwhelming. His oxycodone was not helping like it normally does. He didn't seem his usual upbeat self and we were all worried that he'd be in rough shape for the party.

It was not a good start to the weekend for me. I was hoping to find him sitting in his recliner, ready to talk and have some laughs, when in reality, he was never feeling good enough to get out of bed. We let him rest and he seemed to sleep from about 8:00 right through the night. We were all praying for a better day on Sunday.

Sunday was a clear, sunny day with a high in the low 50's. Not bad for April, considering we had driven through snow on the way up in central WI. Rob woke up and looked like a new man. He was upbeat, psyched for the party and finally eating again, after skipping dinner the night before.

While he was eating, his cousins on Janes side of the family came and decorated their driveway and yard with yellow balloons reading "Be courageous and strong. Live for Rob Landwehr." They then lined Rice Street with a balloon every quarter mile or so. It was so cool to experience.

When we got to the hall it was buzzing with activity. People were helping set up tables, balloons and the AV equipment. Paul, Tom and I helped get Rob's recliner onto the stage where he would sit, as his wheelchair gets uncomfortable after a while.

Rob showed up about 2:10 and for the first hour never got more than 10 feet inside the door. The greeting line started and it was a 1/2 hour wait from start to finish. Everyone got their pictures and got to catch up with him (in 3 minutes or less). Eventually he moved to the stage and the reception line continued there. There were over 350 people there and it was nothing less than overwhelming to see.

The party was for Rob, but I got so much out of it as well. I got the chance to catch up with family, cousins, friends, etc. that I hadn't seen in years in some cases. I had some great laughs with the McKasy's my step-family from so long ago. Their family is close to our to this day which is a great thing. I had the chance to talk to Don Landwehr, a cousin who I've corresponded with a lot lately, but not in person. Just a thrill to talk to some of these people.

Rob and Jane then had a few touching words for each other in front of the crowd. It was moving, and many people were brought to tears. Then, we sang happy birthday to both Jennifer and my mom both of whom had birthdays. They made mom a cake with a picture of her and the six of us kids in it from 1969 or so.

Rob then gave Jane and the girls some flowers and offered a toast to Rob. We closed the deal out with his tribute video that seemed to be a big hit. Again, there were many tears.

The silent auction was a great success too. Thanks to all that made that happen.

I cannot say enough about how happy I am with the way the day turned out. I feel it was God's doing that Rob felt well energized and able to make it through his day. Phenomenal, the whole deal. Amazing. Touching. Moving. Words cannot say.

Rob's closing comments when he gave his speech was that "Someday, if you behave, we'll meet again. This

is not goodbye, but rather, see you later."

He has no idea how comforting that was for me to hear coming from him.

Blogging off...

Brevity for Brevity Sake

2011-04-13T19:10:00.000-07:00

Another week is quickly slipping through my fingers. We had outstanding weather today, 65 degrees and sunny for most of the day. The shoe is about to drip however, with the coming cold front. I even heard the 'S' word for Saturday, although now that's been changed to just the 'R' word. Nonetheless, the nice weather makes life much more pleasant. I was so sick of winter. Not so much even the cold anymore, just the darkness. Once daylight savings kicked in I was like a new person.

I was thinking as I was walking to work today how lately there are days I'd like to just stay home and cry. I've never felt that emotional urge before, so it's pretty weird. Then, after I think about it a bit more, I realize that doing that would really accomplish nothing. It sure sounds good some days though. (Though crying is actually more work than work is.)

On a lighter note, and I'm in constant search of lighter notes these days, I found out my "official time" from the 5K this weekend was 24:19. I had figured it to be about 28:00 minutes, but evidently my math on figuring how long it took me to get up to the starting line was off by, oh, 4 minutes or so. (Me, bad at math, imagine that). I know it's trivial to anyone but me, but I could not figure how whenever I trained, I was running about 8 minute miles, and suddenly when I run in a race I'm running 9+ minute miles. It didn't make sense. Well, then I found the official timing site and set the record straight. A couple of other interesting tidbits about my time was I finished 30th overall and 5th out of 24 men in my age/sex class. Not bad for an old guy.

All of this has me jazzed up to run in another 5K next year, perhaps the ACS run again if Rob's Mob reconvenes in Madison. I swore I'd given up running, but there's something sickeningly alluring about it. I LOVE the comraderie of being around other runners. Pair this with always trying for a better time and well, I'm just a dumb jock sometimes.

The drafts for Rob's video are all wrapped up. He's got it narrowed down to two choices. Both are quite good and should be a good finish to the party on Sunday.

Blogging off...

Running for His Life

2011-04-10T19:34:00.000-07:00

There was a great turnout for the ACS Run/Walk yesterday in Madison, WI. The team total was 26 people I believe, and we raised over $1085.00 toward cancer research. The entire event raised over $36,000, which is awesomr. It was an amazing and inspiring day, despite being cloudy and a bit chilly at race time. (It turned into a beautiful day later though.)

Team Waukesha/Milwaukee got up to Mad-Town about 9:00. Team Twin Cities got there shortly thereafter and we got our shirts, race bibs from Stephanie and caught up with each other. Mom and Jane bought a commemorative flag that lined the course while Steph made sure that the whole gang had bracelets.

After a few group shots of the whole team giving the "I Love You" sign to the camera, we gathered at the starting line, walkers at the back, 10K'ers (Nick and a couple buddies) at the front, and 5K'ers in the middle. I ran a good race, finished in about 28 minutes, though I don't have an exact time because the stupid ACS site gives a Page Not Found error when I click on the link for Run Times. Nick (my nephew) finished the 10K in about 48 minutes which is pretty good. I think my best 10K time was about 50 minutes.

I can't say enough about how much it meant to me to see family, Mom, sister Jane and her three kids, as well as extended family there to support Rob. The whole journey I've been on through Rob's sickness has shown me the power of love. Love of family, love of friends, and perhaps all of it can be attributed to the love of God. I feel He's using this whole experience to make us stronger as a family, to weld new bonds with Rob and Jane's friends and to re-establish the correct perspective on what life is really all about. It's not your house, it's not your car, it's not your income, it's just the people around you that love you for who you are. Pure and simple. Thank God for all of them.

I wore a picture of Rob on my back because I wanted to be reminded of why I was there. I actually crossed the finish line backwards so Rob could cross the line first. It was a small gesture to show him how much I wish he could have been there with us.

After crossing the finish line, I met my mom and cousin Mary who were tasked with taking finish-line photos. Mom's knees were bugging her and Mary didn't want her to be alone, so stayed with her. We got some great shots of all the finishers, runners and walkers alike.

We went back to the hotel they were staying at which was about a half hour away. Then we went to State Street and had Pizza at Ian's and walked the Street. It was a great day, and a good chance to catch up with some of the family and cousins. I feel like I got to know my 2nd cousin once removed (Mary's daughter) a bit better; she's quite a character.

The whole day was tough. Started out the race with a lump in my throat and started to tear up soon after I started running, but kept it together for most of the day otherwise. I had a couple of emotional moments but was able to stifle them for the most part. It was good to be around family, as that helped a lot. I don't know how people go through something like this alone.

To top it off, as we walked into Ian's Pizza, what was playing on the sound system but "He ain't heavy, he's my brother."

Indeed he is.

Blogging off...

Go Time for Rob's Mob

2011-04-08T18:19:00.000-07:00

Well it's here. Race day tomorrow. It's the reason for all the training, all the stretching, all the slogging, running, breathing, gasping, wheezing, coughing and spitting. I LOVE the energy of a large run like the one tomorrow. Hundreds, or maybe even thousands of people looking to team up and run/walk for a great cause. I love the challenge, the excitement and the anticipation of the starting gun.

I hate the running part, but the rest is really cool.

Seriously though, the running isn't that bad. I've re-discovered in these past two runs (Last year's run for cancer at the Milwaukee Zoo, and tomorrow's run) that I really don't like running. Now, approaching fifty, running doesn't like me either. My recovery time is a little longer than it was at 27, my knees hate me and my hips feel like they're 90. Sounds like a healthy sport doesn't it? I think I'll be taking up biking a bit more once this run is done. Even my Doctor says running isn't the best thing for my back (that's a surprise?). Gotta listen to the doc.

The family and cousins made it down to Madison this afternoon and are "training" tonight for the 5K walk. It will be good to see them all and see how they're doing. It will be a GREAT day for a GREAT cause that has stricken a GREAT man. As I said, I'll post "post race" with thoughts, feelings, pictures and maybe even my time. I'm shooting for under 25 minutes (8 min miles) but will be satisfied if I come in under 30. I think last year I hit 29:25, so if I beat that, I'll be happy.

Blogging off and running for my brother...

Life in Limbo

2011-04-07T19:19:00.000-07:00

It's been a good week around these parts, but I'm ready for it to be the weekend. Had a GREAT night at Mosaic last Tuesday. I have got the best group of kids in my small group which makes my job much easier. We had a good discussion on what it takes to Live and Love like Jesus, our theme for the year. These young men really just want to hang with friends and be heard. If the talk is about spiritual issues, all the better. Many of them have legitimate, tough questions, and I don't always have the answers, frankly. Nevertheless, they're all trying to be the best kids they can and I have nothing but respect for every one of them. I am privileged to be leading them.

Last night was AllWriters which was good too. The group is up to about 12 people now, including Kathie the instructor. I really enjoy being around other writers and stretching myself as one. I brought three poems, only one of which I felt very good about. I hadn't expected to read, as I read last week, and usually it's an every other week thing lately. I got some great feedback on the two clunkers I had, and the one I felt best about, people liked a lot. Funny how you can tell when something is good versus not so good. People can pick the wheat from the chaff pretty easily.

My running has been going pretty well in preparation for the 5K in Madison on Saturday. I say pretty well because Monday's 3 mile run almost killed me. At about the 2.5 mile mark, I almost quit and started walking, but then, thinking of Rob and how he would kill to be able to be running, I was inspired to push on. I ran the last .5 and when I got to my house, I was gassed. I sucked wind as fast as it could get into my lungs. It was not my finest hour, to be sure. Despite all of the training I've done, I think my lung capacity must just suck or something. (Although today was much better.) Running is such a hit/miss thing. Some days you feel great and can run 3 without issue. Other days are not so good and I get gassed after .75 miles. I think it has to do with pollen, pollution, and your metabolism too.

My work on the Video Tribute for Rob is coming along well. I've hammered out the music a bit more and am actually going to be getting some more pictures from my sisters this weekend. I didn't have a lot of pictures of them with Rob, so they're looking at getting me more. Picasa is a bit flaky with regards to audio, but I think I've got that worked out. Up and Up!

Everything in my life seems to revolve around the April 17th date, and I am VERY OK with that. I can't tell you what I'm doing after that, but I know what I need to do before and I know it will be a Great day. I can't wait.

Blogging off for now...

Wall-to-Wall Weekend

2011-04-03T11:19:00.000-07:00

It's been a full weekend already. Friday night was the Mosaic Masquerade at church and it was great. I helped set up from 3-6 PM, and then was in charge of a group of 30 kids who moved from one room to another for 3 different dance lessons. My group started out in the Swing Dance room. Because they encouraged leaders to learn the dances, I took part in the Swing dance. This was until they encouraged people to partner up when I backed out. Chaperones dancing with students is, well, creepy. Furthermore it was patently forbidden in the instructions we were given at the start of the evening. No problem here. I had fun just watching the kids have fun.

It was interesting because in the first lesson, students were shy and hesitant to dance with the opposite gender. Then, by the third lesson, everybody was much more comfortable with each other and mingling quite well.

The second lesson was freestyle. In it we learned dance moves like the "reject", the "wobble", the "lapel pop" and a couple of others. It was taught by a fun instructor and had the whole room having a blast. It was proof positive though that white guys over 6'3" and over 45 years old shouldn't be dancing. As the saying goes, it ain't right.

Wherein lies the problem. It became glaringly apparent to me last night that dancing is all about having fun and getting rid of all of your inhibitions at the same time. If you worry about what other people are thinking, you're not dancing. Just have fun. It's the most freeing activity I can think of. Reckless abandon, and it usually shows in my case. :-)

Then, yesterday was Elmbrook's Service Day where 800+ people took on over 10 projects in Waukesha and Milwaukee. It was an amazing day. Pure spectacle to see that many people mobilized to help serve as the hands and feet of God in making our community a better place to live and work. I served as bus captain for one of four buses that went to Minooka Park in Waukesha. Our project involved several different activities including trash pickup, cleaning up an old dumping ground for everything from tires to rusted non-descript items, garlic mustard pulling, fencing extraction and mulching. It was so cool to see entire families engaged in service, excited to be helping improve the park.

Last night as a family we watched a great movie titled Music Within . It was a wonderful story about the man who developed the ADA, Americans with Disabilities Act. There was a bit of coarse language in it, but I feel that outweighed the good in it that the kids got out of the movie; namely that people with disabilities are people too, and they need to be seen, they need access and they are not stupid or less than anyone else.

This understanding came clearly into focus for me in 1985 when I visited my brother Rob at the National Technical Institute for the Deaf, (NTID). It was here that I humbly became a minority. Everyone around me was signing and had a hearing loss of some sort. When I first got there, I felt totally isolated, shut out and excluded. Most of it was my own doing, but it was incredible to be seen, yet not seen. Or heard, but not heard, as the case was.

The outstanding thing was though that I was forced to see life from the deaf perspective. I was an outsider trying to get in, or get heard. I was a minority in every sense of the word.

My awareness about the need for a voice for the disabled was furthered later by Donna's career at Independence First. That agency is focused on developing independent skills of the disabled. It is a wonderful agency and has a world class staff running it all headed by Lee Schultz. I miss being around that group and plan to someday reconnect and serve. (Retirement?)

Today, we have 7 friends and family coming over and I've got a lot to do, so I've gotta run.

Blogging off...

A Milepost Up Ahead

2011-03-31T19:44:00.000-07:00

I was out running today training for the American Cancer Society Run in Madison in a little over a week. It was such a nice day out 45+ degrees and sunny, that I was determined to make it count. So, after walking 3.5 miles to and from work, I come home and run. Earlier in the day I committed to finishing the full 3 miles, just to get it off my mind that I'll never be in 3 mile shape by the time of the run. I set off and felt pretty good most of the way. When I got in the house I was surprised to find that I had finished 3 miles in 24 minutes. An 8 minute mile is pretty good for an old guy.

As I labored through some of the tougher stretches of the run, I thought of Rob and it kept me going. I thought of how he would give anything to be able to run anywhere. It was very motivational in a weird, sad kind of way. I honestly can't imagine life without him around. My hope now is that his Celebration of Life party on April 17th is a GREAT experience for him. I hope he's in good health and spirits on that day and that it's all he hopes it is. He deserves at least that much. Like my brother said, he's been kicked in the face too many times, he deserves this party. Give us all that much.

On a different note, Ben got a phone last night. He's been bugging us for a while, and to his credit, he is away from home much more than Sarah is, and she has a phone. It would be a long summer for Donna if he didn't have one. Turns out he got a Samsung for only $20 and then it's only an additional $10/month on the plan. The clerk tried to sell Donna the internet plan for an additional $30 per month, but she didn't bite. (Good woman!) It will give us all peace of mind knowing that we can reach Ben and is a bit of a reward for getting his grades up.

My writing instructor was on Milwaukee's "Morning Blend" show on WTMJ 4 today. The interview was about her book and her studio and though short, was still a good plug for her. Give it a watch.

This weekend will be busy. Tomorrow night I'm chaperoning the Mosaic Masquerade Dance at church. That goes from 6-10 PM. Then at 7:30 the next day, I'll be a bus captain on the service day project for Elmbrook Serves. Sunday is church and then we're having good friends over for an afternoon dinner, Tapas style. I think I'll just camp out at church from Friday afternoon until Sunday and save some gas. It's all good and all God, all weekend! If I don't get a post in, you'll understand why.

Blogging off...

Rock and Roll Philosophy According to "Jet"

2011-03-27T16:36:00.000-07:00

Music as many of you know has always been therapeutic for me. I'd rather listen to music than watch TV any day. Talk radio? No thanks, give me music. If I'm in the car by myself, on goes the radio. This is unlike my wife who enjoys the serenity and quiet of the car.

As a teen I had a kicker stereo with not two, but four, large speakers. I had (still have, actually) a decent record collection, a ton of tapes and eventually CD's. My wife will attest that my thirst for music hasn't subsided much over the years. Oh sure, there were some "lull years" when the kids were young and before I had my iPod, but those were short lived, and I still found ways to get my music fix.

About 3 years ago Donna got me my iPod Nano for Christmas and it renewed my love for all things music. I transferred all my CD's to .mp3's and loaded up my 'pod to the max.

Well, in the mundanity (is that a word?) of walking the dog today I had my iPod on and Paul McCartney's song Jet came on. I have some trigger or switch in my head that transported me back in time to 1973 the instant this song came on. Along with that change in place come feelings of serenity, simplicity and happiness.

I thought to myself why is this? Why this need to go back to that time? Why do I get these good feelings from a song that's over 35 years old? Was I happier then? (Perhaps, but perhaps not.)

I'll tell you what Jet means to me. It means sitting on the front porch on our house on Portland Ave. It means 7th grade's coming soon. It means Vietnam is becoming a bigger boondoggle than ever and Nixon's looking more and more guilty with every passing day.

Again, was I happy and care free then? No. Why then does the song evoke that emotion? I think its in part because we all like to romanticize the past much more than it was. I know that's why I tend to listen to older music with great fondness. It's not that I'm not happy now, it's just that I always tend to think I was happier in the past than I really was.

When people ask you when were you happiest in your life, I would have to say today. OK, maybe yesterday. Because, if you're not happy to be here now, you've got it all wrong. Call this a revelation of a 49 year old, but that's how I feel. That's how I'm forcing myself to feel.

Ultimately I think I'll be happiest when I'm retired. All day to do nothing but what I want, right? That's the definition of happiness, right? Now the truth is, I'll probably have some ailment or another at any given time that will keep me from doing some of the things I want to do.

So there's that.

Then, there's the whole money thing. I'm incapable of splurging for much of anything now, when I'm making a decent living. Do I think that that will change when I'm retired and making 66% of what I make now? Not likely.

So there's that too.

Time passes faster when you're old, or at least seems to, so your days will fly by and I'll never likely get everything done in the days or weeks of retirement that I'd like to anyways.

So yeah, there's that.

There will probably be cats, dogs, lawns, grandchildren, houses, cars and other personal belongings that will need fixing, care or comforting more frequently than expected. So that fishing that I was going to do more of in retirement, well, it's not a slam dunk either.

And that too.

My point is that the past isn't what I make it out to have been. The future likely won't be what I make it out to be. That leaves me in the present, which I'm determined to be the happiest time of my life. See how that works? I'm glad I talked this through, because now it all makes sense to me.

But getting back to Jet. I've always had a problem with understanding lyrics in songs. I get what I think the singer said in my head and it sticks for years. In the song Jet here's what I think Paul is saying:

"And jet, I thought the Major was a real lady, sufferin' jet."

When in actuallity the words are:

And jet, I thought the Major was a lady suffragette.

Close, but not quite, Jim.

Another line I interpreted as:

"Our maker, won't jet to always love you"

Which the actual lyrics read like:

"Ah, matter, want jet to always love me"

Not only got the words wrong, but the subject (me, not you) there.

So this is what I struggle with. It's pretty hilarious and frankly I think most people suffer from this affliction. I'm sure you can think of one song that you got the lyrics wrong to in your lifetime. I think of Frank Drebbin in Naked Gun when he's singing the National Anthem and he messes up the line:

"lots of bombs in the air.."

or

"...that we still had a flag"

Good stuff.

Blogging off for now...

Walking Philosophy

2011-03-24T20:04:00.000-07:00

On my walk to work today another inspiring song from Michael Franti came on my iPod. The song is named Life in the City and like many of his songs lately, it spoke to me when I was in the depths that I've tended to step into lately. I'm not sure if he's a Christian artist, but he seems to focus on the need to appreciate life everyday and always has an upbeat tone to his music. Another good one of his is Hey Hey Hey. That song is my lifeline right now. I need something upbeat like it everyday to get through.

In the past two days I've had two people reach out to me and talk about how I'm doing with my feelings about Rob. I call these kinds of peoples angels-on-earth. They just show up sometimes and ask how I'm doing and they genuinely care. Both had cancer take one of their loved ones, so could relate in that way. One even prayed with me which meant a lot.

This is the kind of thing I talk about when I say that the journey I'm on is taking me to places and people that I never anticipated. I've experienced sadness and despair unlike I've ever felt before and I'm trying to figure out what that is doing to my character and my heart. Is it making me hard hearted (I think not) or is it softening it even more than it already is? Is it setting me up for future tragedies and sorrows? (Yes I think it is). In any case, it's a strange trip I'm on, but I'm starting to understand the wheres and whys a bit more with every sad day.

So tomorrow I'm going to make the best of the day that was given to me. (That's always easier when it's a Friday.) Take nothing for granted. You can't save love up in the bank. Give it away. The returns are immediate.

I just came across a blog that sums up much of what I've been thinking lately. I urge you to read it, here's the link

Blogging off...

Ecclesiastical Thoughts

2011-03-21T18:16:00.000-07:00

Back to the grind after a great weekend with my brother Rob and his family in MN. I found work to be particularly difficult today. Extremely tough to get motivated when you've been exposed to such a sad situation. It weighs heavy on my mind, like a cold damp blanket. He and his family are constantly in my thoughts, to the point of distraction. If I was one prone to it, I'd likely crash into a depression. Believe me, this is as close as I want to come to one.

Trying to find a positive in the whole situation though, we did have a very good time when we were with him and his family. The adults had some great laughs with Rob on a number of different occasions. There's one thing for sure he still has in abundance, his sense of humor. He and Jane can laugh in the face of adversity which is testament to their love for each other.

The prognosis is not out yet on whether or not he got his hemoglobin up to the level necessary to qualify for the clinical trials, but he wasn't 100% sure he wanted to try anything more. Given the difference between how he looked this weekend versus how he looked during Chemo's 1 and 2, and frankly I'd take less days with the healthy Rob too.

The whole journey has brought Ecclesiastes 3 to my mind on a daily basis. Ecclesiastes is not the most uplifting book in the Bible, in fact it's quite the opposite. There's a place for it though in keeping your life real. Our time is short, and that book reminds us to use it wisely and not chase after the wind and the riches of this world. Wise words.

Tomorrow I will get up, get dressed, plod forward to work, try my best, and then come home to be the best Mosaic Middle School Ministry leader I can. I think that's all I can do at this point, and hope that the pain stops. It likely won't, but life goes on. So it goes...

Blogging off...

Re-Evaluation

2011-03-17T18:46:00.000-07:00

I had this moment after last night's writing class. It was not a good moment.

What happened was during class we got to discussing what the average count is for re-writes or revisions. It seems that the average number of revisions for a short story is 11.

Yes, 11.

My instructor said sometimes she looks and revises a story up to 25 times.

Yes, 25.

I am on revision number two.

Yes, 2.

I figure at this rate, I should be done with my book when I'm 83. I'll be absent minded, and will have to be told every day that the story is about me. I'll have expanded it to 849 pages, and it will actually be the first of a trilogy. A trilogy that will be complete when I'm 164 years old.

It will be pointless at that point because books won't exist. Most people won't be able to read more than 3 sentences without being distracted or needing to take a nap. Furthermore, words won't exist. Tweeting, texting and acronyms will have turned everything into nothing more than three letters in length and most of it will be emoticons or glyphs.

None of this will matter because most of our entertainment will be either visual or we'll be plugged into a speed-cast that will finish an entire story in 49 seconds. It will be 1/3 as satisfying as actually sitting down with a book for a week and finishing it, but people won't care because it will allow them that much more time to watch their holograph TV's.

So, sorry about that futuristic tangent there.

My dilemma, that I diverged wildly from there, was this:

1. Should I go ahead and finish this book as soon as I can and run the risk of releasing a half-assed effort in the name of getting it done and getting it to my family and friends?

or

2. Edit it until it is an epic.

There are parts of me that think either of these is the best option. Part of me just wants it done. I'm getting tired of looking at it. The other part of me thinks I can do so much better with it and that's the route I should take. It's a tough spot to be in. There are days I wonder where the whole thing is going.

So help me out. Encourage me. Tell me to keep at it. Remind me that there is nothing like the feeling of getting published.

And remind me to thank you.

Blogging off...

Grounded Perspectives

2011-03-13T19:41:00.000-07:00

It's been another weekend of reflection for me. Not too much going on around the house, so lots of time to think, write and ponder. My brother's situation continues to help me shift priorities, realize what's important and take time for meaningful conversations with friends and family. I talked to my Mom on the phone tonight and she said that everything in her life right now has become meaningless, except her family and her friends. That's about where I am right now.

I was telling her that things like the Madison mess certainly command my concern and attention, but only for a brief moment each day. I will keep that kind of crap, and that's really what it has become, in perspective. Small things in the big view. To some the issues have become all consuming. It is what they live and breathe from day to day, week to week.

Don't get me wrong here. I am glad there are people out there championing their cause, because there have been some travesties pushed through the Legislature these past few weeks. But right now, and likely into the future, these are very small things to me. As I've said to many people, all I can do is sign my petitions and recall votes, and sit back and wait. That's all I have emotion and time for right now. There are bigger things in my life, including my brother and my work with the Middle School Ministry. Faith, Family and Work, in that order.

Today I got quite a surprise when I went to Gander Mountain to get my Musky Rod. I walked in the door and they had a display of fishing rods that said 25% off. I checked a few out and lo and behold there was the exact St. Croix Triumph 7'6" Musky Rod that I looked at last week. I couldn't believe my eyes. I got it up to the counter expecting the guy to say that it didn't have an orange tag on it, but he didn't. He'd seen me looking at them at the 25% off display and rang it up as $97 or so. It was a sweet deal. Waiting one week saved me $33.00.

The whole daylight savings switcheroo kicked in today and I am exhausted. We were up till midnight last night which is actually one o'clock, which is actually three thirty AM for those close to fifty years old. :-)

So I'll close again with reminding you to appreciate each day. Put every worry and concern in it's proper place in the big picture. Love your kids, hug your spouse, work hard at your job, build up your boss, do your best, and give all the glory to God.

Blogging off...

Book Signing: The Home for Wayward Clocks

2011-03-10T19:18:00.000-08:00

Tonight I was at the Author book signing at Martha Merrells for the book The Home for Wayward Clocks, by Kathie Giorgio. It is Kathie's (pictured above) first novel and the place was packed with what I would say was 50+ people. The signing was preceeded by a catered dinner (which I had to miss) and a short presentation by the owner of Little Swiss Clock Shop. She gave a brief history of a number of clocks that they had on display on a table in the bookstore.

It was fascinating to hear some of the history and specifics of the wide variety of clocks that were there. There was a large Mantle Clock that I recognized as one that my grandmother had in her apartment. It was a beautiful timepiece and served as the "graveyard clock" in Kathie's book. She also had on display a knock-off Felix Clock that was an electric clock of a cat whose eyes and tail moved in synchronicity. A classic piece of 60's Americana, amongst the "old dependables" that were chiming and gonging through the night. The chiming and gonging actually made the evening more enjoyable. If nothing else, it added a relevant ambiance.

After a short history of what went into reading the book, Kathie read a chapter from it. It was a chapter that furthered the relationship between James (the clock keeper) and Cooley (the rebellious teen). She did a great job and interjected points of interest asides when necessary. Judging from the raucous applause at the end, people were entertained and excited about the book. Kathie then took some questions and signed books for those interested. It was an entertaining evening among peers and friends for me.

It made me dream of the day when I might be in the same position; hosting a signing of a book. I can't imagine the thrill of having something I've put my heart and soul into being pitched at such an event. It may be two years out, it may be twenty, but it's certainly on my bucket list. Maybe the BWCA memoir is it (I hope it is...) maybe not.

Time will tell.

For now though, I'm blogging off...

Dreaming of Warmer Days

2011-03-05T13:54:00.000-08:00

Woke up today to a 2 inch snowfall and wanted to scream. As I was laying in bed, I thought I'd heard a snowplow go by and thought, what the heck? It was raining pretty hard last night and must have switched over to snow at some point. Needless to say, I was shocked and dismayed at this new "beautiful" snowfall on the ground. I am so ready for it to stop.

Top this off with the fact that I have to get in shape for the American Cancer Society's 5K run in Madison in a few weeks, and well, I'm sick of winter. I don't want to run on ice with mittens on. Not fun. Perilous, yes. Fun, not so much.

Feeling all of this cabin fever rage, I felt compelled to go to Gander Mountain today and look at Musky rods. I 've been fairly obsessed with getting a new rod, despite only fishing for them once a year, but hey, I have to obsess about something, right? Doesn't everyone? Besides, I have some money burning a hole in my pocket, so that drives me too.

I'm looking at the St. Croix Triumph rods. They're a nice mid-level rod. When I say mid level, I'm talking about $130.00. That's midway between insanity and lunacy, but as I said, I'm obsessed. The clerk at Gander Mountain actually pushed me toward the Gander Mountain model which ran $40, but I wouldn't bite, in a manner of speaking. The $40 one is probably all I need, but it felt like a $40 rod. The St. Croix felt like a musky rod should feel. It's like casting with a telephone pole. Nice and sturdy to hold those honkin' big lures.

Now the other end of the insanity is the St. Croix Premier rods. These run about $180, and are even nicer than the Triumph's. Furthermore, they're made in WI, unlike the Triumph's which are made by the same company, but are manufactured in Mexico. There's something to be said for keeping all the $ in the USA, but a man has his limits. As I told a friend, maybe some of that money will trickle down to the workers in Park Falls, WI. Or maybe not, but in any case, it's at least a Wisconsin based company.

My brother Paul and my friend John both have the Premier rods and swear by them. They both fish a lot more than me, esp. for musky. Furthermore, they both have exquisite, expensive taste. I always trend toward the more conservative spending...in case any of you who know me didn't notice.

I'll report back when I've actually pulled the trigger on my purchase.

Last night was spent shuttling kids here and there. First Sarah to work, then Ben and three friends from skateland to home to pickup an overnight bag, then back to a friends house for a sleepover. I need to put a meter on the dash and a light on top of the van. Yellow taxi disguised as a white Kia Sedona.

Tonight dinner with friends. Life is good.

Blogging off...

Mean People

2011-03-03T19:18:00.000-08:00

I just want to speak a little about the mean people in the world. From where I sit it seems that the world is becoming an increasingly mean place. I'm not sure why this is, if it because of the media, technology, the "advancement" of our race, the increasing population pressure or what. All I know is that now, if you're not mean, you're a bit of an outsider. You're looked upon as either self righteous, a prude or a throwback. Meanness is now laughed at by other mean people and it is now not only tolerated, but almost expected (or respected.)

If you don't get what you want, be mean.
If you don't agree with someone, be mean.
If someone isn't like you to your liking, be mean.

This goes for politics especially. You know who you are. Democrats and Republicans alike. You're both mean and neither of you has all the right answers, contrary to your belief. Stop shouting at each other. Stop name calling, pigeonholing, generalizing, stereotyping, bashing, and grandstanding. You're not that great. Obama's not the answer, much like Bush wasn't the answer. Let's support the people that were elected in a fair election and move on. If you don't like who's in office, well, keep voting and deal with it.

I am sick of liberals and sick of conservatives. How about we all try being citizens again? Citizens implies a kind of civility, where when I think of the L and C words, all I get is fired up; over both for that matter. They both should be ashamed of what they've become. Can't we build each other up instead of tearing down? Or do we need to be mean because we think someone's going to step on us and take something we think we should get?

Facebook has been absolutely flaming with political vomit these past few weeks because of what's been happening in Madison. Friends are screaming at each other (i.e. being mean). Christian friends of mine have said things to people that mortify me. (Only to be responded to in an equally distasteful manner. What do you expect?) I've tried to stay away from it all because it's such a hot topic and I figure there's enough being spewed without contributing more. What is it about that FB medium that makes people say things they wouldn't shout out their front door? That's what they're doing, only worse. Facebook makes it forever. It's in print and for all the world to see. People would do good to think about that before saying the first thing on their (mean) mind.

I see meanness in the grocery store lines. I see it in sports coaches at every level, including middle school. I see it in TV shows especially. (Everyone should shoot their television right now. Of course that would be mean too.) I think TV is at the foundation of much of the country's anger (and hence meanness) because something as stupid as a sitcom may make meanness seem funny, or hip or cool when it's really not. It's just mean, and it sucks.

It's funny, but this whole journey with my brother's battle with cancer has changed my life and outlook in ways I'd never imagined. I see the meanness in people and I wonder why are they this way. Who spat in their oatmeal? Life is short. We can use it for good or evil. What do you want to be remembered for? As the guy who was always griping and complaining or someone who kept to themselves and tried to see the positive in everything? What are you going to be known for? Ask yourself. Seriously. Is the complaint you're waging today on,

the state of the economy
the wait at the drive through line
the weather
the Republicans or Democrats
the Fox or MSNBC commentator (who are mean people in their own right)
your neighbor
your co-worker
your family

really worth all the anger it's festering in your soul? Is it? If so, then you need to get yourself a heavy bag and hang it in the basement and whack away. That's a whole lot more constructive than spewing hatred toward any of the above. What does that accomplish other than to make someone else as miserable as you? Great, now there's two unhappy people in your circle. Great, pass it on and before long everyone will hate everyone and evil will reign. What a great legacy you've created. Thanks for doing your part in making the world a meaner place. Lord knows we all need that. I haven't been shouted at in at least a week, so am looking forward to the next mean person in my life.

Sorry about the rant there. My point, in case you haven't figured it out yet is be nice. Put it on your calendar to be a nicer person tomorrow. Then copy and paste it to the whole week, the whole month. Make it a point to wait your turn. Say thank you. Tip the person who cleans your hotel room. Open a door for someone. Resist the temptation to beat down a political adversary. Listen to them instead and hope your caring resonates more than your shouting would have.

Love people for crying out loud. Is that too much to ask? No one ever went to their grave going "I wish I'd been a meaner person."

It's really quite simple. Put people before yourself. Love one another. Be a blessing. The world deserves more people like you.

Blogging off...

Another Weekend Toasted

2011-02-27T19:30:00.000-08:00

Well, another weekend goes in the books. It always goes too fast.

We had a good one around here. Friday Donna and I went shoe shopping as a date. Jealous yet? Actually it was Nice to spend some time in a store together. I loathe shopping, but it is much more bearable when I have her along because she helps me pull the trigger on some purchases I would normally wait on (to find a "better deal" that I usually never find.)

Saturday the two of us continued our date by going to breakfast at Blues Egg. The only way I can describe it is a gourmet breakfast. I had an omelet stuffed with Cale and sausage and cheese, and their stuffed browns, which are hash browns with a ton of good ingredients mixed in. It was amazing. We also got Monkey Bread which is a sweet roll type thing that is made of little bread ball nugget things. It was good too, but I thought next time we could stand for just the browns and monkey bread.

The nice thing about the whole outing was, we took home 1/2 our meal and had it for breakfast this morning. I got to enjoy it twice. That is what I have learned about going out to dinner. Restaurants ALWAYS server too big of portions. I've gotten to where I am not ashamed to ask for a take home box, and so can always enjoy my leftovers the next day so as to not feel too stuffed the night of dinner.

Later in the day, I took Ben and a friend to a movie. I dropped them there and was able to go to Starbucks and write for two hours. Then last night we all hung out together as a family and goofed around. I am so lucky to have such good kids and to be able to enjoy them in their early teens. (I reserve the right to change this tune later in their "late teen years".)

Today we started out by going to church. The sermon was on "the D word" (Divorce). Thinking it was not applicable to me, I turned out to be wrong. It was not targeted simply to people who have been through a divorce, but anyone who has been affected by a divorce, or knows of someone who has been affected. That pretty much included everyone in the sanctuary at that point. A great message by our great new pastor Philip Griffin. He is so gifted in teaching. He is just what this church needed.

This afternoon we had a Thanksgiving dinner with Jill, Steve and Katie at Jill and Steve's place. It was a "locally grown, organic" thanksgiving dinner and was phenomenal. Good stuff, and good stuffing. Great to be around good friends. I especially feel I got to know Katie a little better. She's a sweetheart too. She's actually a non-skating referee for women's roller derby and had some great stories about that whole experience.

So, despite the weekend flying by, it was still a REALLY full, really good weekend. Now if we could just get spring to pop, I'd be a happy camper.

Alas.

Blogging off...

Poems, and Articles and Rejections, Oh My!

2011-02-23T16:21:00.000-08:00

This was a strange week for me and my writing muse. I submitted a poem to verse wisconsin about the protests in Madison and they accepted it and published it online. It can be seen at: www.versewisconsin.org/#poems. It's not a huge deal, but kind of cool. They were asking for poems specifically about the Madison chaos, and having lived it firsthand, I thought it was a good chance to speak my piece. There's some really good poems there, and some clunkers. I've come to discover that that's just the nature of poetry. I can appreciate many different styles, but some are just like "what did they just say?"

That's kind of a statement for life in general. Some people you get, some you don't.

The downside of the writing thing happened the next day when I submitted my article to Musky Hunter magazine. This was an article I felt pretty good about. It had a good story to it, a decent amount of humor, and had been well reviewed by many of my fishing friends. Well, within 24 hours of sending it in, I got a rejection notice. I was extremely disappointed, because I thought this was the perfect target market for it. Evidently they are too much of a technical magazine for the slant I had to my article.

This doesn't mean I've given up on it. I've already marketed it to another online fishing magazine called Go Fish and am looking into others. That doesn't mean it doesn't still hurt, just that it won't keep me down. There's too many markets out there that will give it a fair shake, that I needn't dwell on the rejections.

Our AllWriters class started another session last night. We have two new students that showed and possibly another that didn't show. It should be a big class, almost 12 people from what I counted. It's always nice to have new blood as it brings with it new styles and viewpoints. I love it and am looking forward to another good 10 week session.

Word from Rob is that he's doing a little better. He seems to have his appetite back an is getting stronger too. Still has a long road ahead to get his weight back up, but at least is not feeling crappy all the time. Sister Pat was there this past weekend and got to see him for a bit. I talk with him by text almost daily. Technology is a great thing during times like these.

Blogging off...

Power to the People!

2011-02-18T18:57:00.000-08:00

Well, I was in Madison today, and took a walk up to the capitol to watch the rioting over the Budget repair bill. Let me just say it was energizing to see people mobilized to a cause they feel strongly about. I thought about it and it was really my first protest...like, ever.

When I was a student at the University of Minnesota the cause of the day was "No Nukes". I didn't really participate in any of them, of course. I've never been a real political person. I think politics should be left to the voting booth and not worn on your sleeve. It turns people into ugly, god-awful people when they get to bickering about partisan issues. It divides otherwise good friends, colleagues, neighbors and church members.

All of that aside, I did need to get my say in this particular issue. I'm as fired up about the heavy-handedness of our governor and his union-busting, power grab tactics as I've ever been about anything political. As I've told everyone, I have no issue with his proposal to make public employees pay up to 5% of their health care and 12.8% of their pension. Those are long overdue in my opinion, despite being real numbers that will affect my bottom line significantly. The economy is tight and everyone needs to make a few concessions.

The collective bargaining thing though is over-the-top. A complete power grab. I just think he's got other motives than just saving a few dollars. He's out to bust the unions which have always tended toward the Democratic vote, and that is wrong. I just can't like the guy, but we all have our own opinions.

So anyway, I can cross off two things off my bucket list this week. I shaved my head, and participated in my first protest. I use "participated" loosely because I was mostly a spectator, but I did sign a kill the bill petition and even got my own sign. I got a picture with my sign and when a friend took it he said "What are you smiling for? You're supposed to look mad."

Oh yeah, that. I told you I was not very good with political causes.

Anyhow it was an awesome experience really. The energy inside the capital rotunda was just amazing. They had a drum circle and probably 5000 people in there. It was refreshing to see. Frankly, people are pissed off, and our leaders need to respect that and rethink their role as representatives of us.

With that said, I'm going to the molotov cocktail store and picking up a couple, and then I'm off to get a tear gas mask just in case things get sketchy.

Blogging off...

V-Day Revelations

2011-02-14T18:56:00.000-08:00

The rest of the weekend with Rob was good. I stopped over on Sunday morning about 10:00 and he was sleeping, snoring away. I thought I'd be sneaky and work on my laptop while he slept. As I was getting it out of my bag, he woke up saying "I smell coffee. It must be Jim." He knows me pretty well.

I had brought him a couple of muffins from the nearby Panekoeken House, but his lack of appetite made them unappealing to him. He didn't eat much all weekend, but later that morning he did force some french toast and sausages down. It has to be terrible to worry not only about eating, but about pain, nausea, pain relief for the hardware in his back, twitching legs, bowel movements etc. The man is a living testimony of patience and a strong will. I admire him unlike I ever have before. God Bless him.

We had some great, deep conversations when we were together. He is in a good place with his condition and more than anything doesn't want to be a burden on Jane and the rest of the family. I get that, but I wish he wouldn't think like that. We love him and will do whatever it takes to help him get back to normal; as normal is.

It was a great weekend really, as expected. These trips to Mayo allow me 1 on 1 time talking with him which is therapeutic for both of us. He has said as much. He has a lot on his mind and despite being exhausted we still were able to connect on a pretty deep level.

So the situation is that in 3 weeks they'll do a scan to see if the chemo is having any effect. If it is they will continue to treat him with chemo. If not, they'll move on to clinical trials. My prayer is that it is having an effect and we'll be able to put this thing into remission. I could see over time how the treatment (chemo) might become worse than the disease. It takes a lot out of him, and I would hope that he only needs a couple more, but I have no idea how this stuff works. Just praying for a miracle of some sort. That's all I can do.

Blogging off...

Having Trouble Seeing the Day After Now

2011-02-12T20:38:00.000-08:00

Visiting my brother Rob at Mayo in Rochester today. I got in about 12:30. Timing is everything as I got to see my cousin Coe as well. He was visiting Rob too and we overlapped by about an hour and a half. He is a great guy. I can't say enough about his love for family, in some cases family he hardly knows. He has his own life tragedies that he's dealt with yet he understands the here and now as much as anyone.

This trip today has impacted me again as to the brevity of life and the importance of taking each day for the blessing it is. Some days suck, I get that. But even those days are a part of your life that you will never have back. Try and work it out, man. Think you've got it bad? Look around you. I guarantee you won't have to look far to find someone who's got it tougher than you. So take that big concern in your life and put it in its proper perspective.

So, having said that I need to take action and live my life like every day is my last. Granted, I still have to go to work, raise kids, be a husband etc., but I need to do it ALL with a sense of urgency because tomorrow is a whisper and, at this point, still not a slam dunk.

I thank my God in heaven for everything I have and all I've been entrusted. I think knowing his love for me and my family is the only thing that keeps me going.

Blogging off...

Docs 'n' Drugs

2011-02-10T17:28:00.000-08:00

Went to the Doctor today after day 17 of this chronic cough. I wanted to rule out a sinus infection or pneumonia. I've been feeling a little better, but am still bothered by the cough. He found a "low grade" sinus infection and so put me on antibiotics and Sudafed. He said anytime a cough persists past about 10 days, it is usually some other bacteria that has taken residence.

I wanted to get checked out because I don't want to infect Rob who I'll be seeing on Sat/Sun. He reassured me that a sinus infection isn't transmissible and that my visit would be fine. That is great news, as I am looking forward to my visit to Rochester. He's getting his second round of Chemotherapy at Methodist hospital. He arrived today and will be there until Sunday about noon. My Mom is going down tomorrow to visit, so she was glad he'd have a visitor on Sat/Sun. I figure it's the least I could do. It's been a while since I've seen him and because the weekend we were supposed to go got shot down, I still wanted to make the trip. I'm blessed by a wife who saw the importance of me going.

Well, the Packers did it. Superbowl champs! It's really hard to believe, but it's starting to sink in. We had a fantastic time at our friends' house with another couple. It was a nail-biter for quite a while and kept things interesting. Now the state of Wisconsin can get back to work. At least it made February a bit more interesting.

Our Cancer Run Team named "Rob's Mob" is taking on steam. I've set up a site that you can donate if you want. The link is: Rob's Mob Cancer Run

It means of course that I'll have to start training in March...brrrrr! It should be a great time though, esp. with much of my family coming down for it.

Blogging off for now...

The Saturday Evening Post

2011-02-05T17:58:00.000-08:00

I spent this morning at a great workshop on marketing your work, submission guidelines and the like. It was at allwriters and there were 12 of us there; 11 women and me. Talk about the odd man out. (Or just the odd man, if you know me.)

It was an outstanding look into the intricacies and nuances of getting your work out there and published. There was a ton of invaluable information about query letters, cover letters, synopsis, agenting, and more. We were given a ton of links to great sites for researching the market, as well as a number of good books on the subject.

It actually inspired me enough to go home and submit a work of memoir to a magazine I'd found on one of the research links. The piece is on some of the cats we had when I was a kid. It is a dark humor kind of piece talking about their lives in a household of six kids, their untimely deaths or other ultimate fate. I changed it up a bit from when I had written it a year ago and let it fly.

The magazine doesn't pay anything for things it publishes, but it does give two complimentary copies. At this point, I am still trying just to get my name out there, build a bit of a portfolio and get familiar with the process. I've got a decent start with much of my poetry having been published so far, but I'd like to work on longer memoir-based submissions for a while. I'm currently working on an article about Musky fishing that I plan to submit to a fishing magazine or two once it's been edited.

The coolest thing about my whole writing process right now is that the sky really is the limit. I've got a ton of ideas and am starting to build up a number of works that I can call on in a moment's notice to submit as deemed appropriate. I enjoy the challenge of editing like I never did before. I enjoy the creative process of getting it down the first time. I enjoy just thinking about things that I want to write about. If I get bored with something, I'll go off and write some poetry or something. Change things up a bit.

On a related note, I got the check yesterday for my Boundary Waters Journal article. Three hundred bucks! Sweet! There's something to be said for having it behind me. In other words, the whole process from idea, to submission, to acceptance, to contract, to publishing, to payment is now done. It's such a great feeling, and now I want nothing more than more. Jobs that pay are nice, but I realize they're hard to come by. As I said earlier, I'll take publishing in any form right now, just to get my wheels rolling.

I continue to battle the aftershocks of the flu. It's down to a cough and stuffy nose for the most part now. I intend to go to the doctor on Tuesday or so if it's still lingering then. Best to rule out a sinus infection or walking pneumonia of that's what it is.

Rob continues to rest in preparation for round two of chemo next Thursday. He was told that he could not go ice fishing this weekend, or this winter for that matter. His white blood count is way too low and going out just exposes him to unnecessary risk. He was bummed out by the news, but remains positive nonetheless. He recognizes that he will do as he's told in order to get his life back. He's keeping his chin high and a smile on his face through it all. He's a warrior, and I love him. He's a testament for fighting the good fight.

His wife and kids deserve a bit of kudos too for all they've been through. I know Jane wouldn't do anything less for him than everything she can. She's done that so far and deserves a medal of honor for it. What a great woman. I love her too.

Super Bowl Sunday tomorrow!!! Let's get this over with and celebrate a Packer victory, eh? I just look at the two quarterbacks' stories and say who do you want to root for? The womanizing, multiple offender who already has a couple of Super Bowl rings, or the legend-protege (a-la Favre) who has a humble spirit, and a laid back, Christian attitude about things with only a Super Bowl ring to complete his resume? I know who I'd like to win even if the other team wasn't the Packers. It's a no-brainer. Never been a Steelers fan, ever since the 70's when they beat the Vikes in the Super Bowl. Long time to hold a grudge, but I have. Just sayin'.

So, I want to close on a Go Pack! Beat those Steelers!

Blogging off...

White, Just White.

2011-02-02T15:14:00.000-08:00

We got about 14" last night during the blizzard of 2011. Racine was hit the worst and got 23". The biggest issue was the wind, as it often is during snowstorms. It caused some freaky drifting around the house and city. It made for some interesting snow blowing, where at times, the entire blower was under snow. You just had to kind of let it chew away. It took me the better part of an hour to clear our drive and walk, which is better than some fared. It's times like these that I like my small yard and small walk.

I took poor Toby for a walk in it and he was just kind of shell shocked. Poor boy didn't know what to think. He was fine where there was sidewalk, but at one point when I was blazing a trail, he was following behind in my footsteps for a while, but then he just stopped. I think he was afraid that he would drown in snow. That was the look on his face. "I'm scared papa, hep me, hep me!" I trudged back and picked him up and carried him along until we came to cleared sidewalk again.

And so it looks like Siberia out there, a real winter blast for Groundhog day. Now I just need to get out skiing and enjoy the snow. Maybe this weekend...

We had our first "civil emergency" in quite some time around here. It basically amounts to the government telling people to stay home and that if you're dumb enough to go out and get stranded, we may not be able to get the emergency vehicles to you. So stay home. You don't have to tell me twice, man. I love being home. Ha!

Once the roadways were cleared, we did take Sarah over to a friends' house, while Ben had a friend over here. It was a lazy day outside of the shoveling and snow blowing. I said that I wouldn't mind work near so much if I had every Wednesday off. It's like a mini-weekend in the middle of the week.

Day 9 of the flu and I still feel like crap. My eyes feel arthritic, if that's possible, and I don't think it is. Still have one working nostril and a stuffy head. Oh yeah and the occasional coughing fit. Throw on top of this the ongoing pulsatile tinnitus and there's just a party in my head that won't stop. Come on in!

Just got off support with Dell support (aka. someone in India). My laptop was going dark on me in the middle of working and then would drop into hibernation mode. I think it was because I had overheated it by using it without proper ventilation. The guy(?) Dell Tech (Saurabah) took control of my laptop and flashed the BIOS. I could have done it if he had told me that's what was wrong, but he was doing such a nice job using "Go to Assist" that I didn't want to interrupt. Anyways, he said to "monitor" it for a day and he would call tomorrow. I think as I said, that I just overheated the thing. I'll keep the vents clear and see how it goes.

So the winter that wouldn't end just keeps boring ahead. Tomorrow we have below zero temps again, Woo Hoo!

At least it's February the Packers are in the Super Bowl. (Still cannot believe that!!!). Here's to God's small mercies.

Blogging off...

The Night Before the Storm

2011-01-31T18:41:00.000-08:00

Awaiting the onslaught of snow they're calling for tomorrow and Wed. It's actually snowing now, as we're supposed to get 2-4 tonight, then 10-15 additional tomorrow night. We'll see. It could blow south and be a big nothing. Or, I could be optimistic and it could really stink.

Whatever the case, I'm prepared. The blower is gassed up and ready to kick butt. Doesn't make me like it anymore, but maybe it'll get me out XC skiing for the first time this weekend.

I know one thing, if I don't feel better by this weekend, I sure as heck won't be skiing. Why do that to myself? I'm already driving to work, because walking sounds like so much pain. I can't shake the congested head and cough, chills and aches. It sucks.

In fact, just talking about it is making me want to go crawl into bed, which is what I think I'll do. I hope to be back to full strength soon with some longer posts, but we'll see how this crud manifests itself next. Right now I've had it, and I'm...

Blogging off.

Woodland Pattern Poetry Marathon, 2011 - Review

2011-01-29T15:51:00.000-08:00

The 2011 Woodland Pattern Poetry Marathon was a great time. I got through 5 poems and they came off without a hitch. From all I could tell were well received. There were about 30 people in the audience I would guess. The other presenters from AllWriters were Kathie Giorgio, and Alita Baker, and Marsha Roberts. Kathy Bram unfortunately wasn't given a chance to read. They all did great and it was nice to have some supporters in the audience. A hearty thank you to AllWriters Workplace and Workshop for sponsoring the hour we had.

The rest of what I saw varied in quality from brilliant and entertaining to boring and unintelligible. A great variety. If I had felt better I would have stuck around longer. Perhaps next year. The most entertaining presenter I saw was Author Paul McComas. He sang a song from a father's perspective about dating his daughter that was hilarious. Very entertaining. The other memorable ones outside of the AllWriters group were James Roberts and his piece on the Rainbow girl, and Charlesetta Thompson and her poem about Africa.

As with any poetry readings, there were some clunkers as well. Either too far out, esoteric or sublime to keep my attention, or just badly presented. The beauty of this event is that if you've got a clunker of a poem, at least you've got another 3 or 4 chances to redeem yourself. It's hard to bomb 4 or 5 in a row. Not impossible, just less likely.

I'm still trying to figure out my place in the world of poetry. I thoroughly enjoy it; talking about it, writing it, presenting it. At the same time, I view poets at a creative level different from me. They are the free spirits who are supposed to dance to the music in their heads regardless of who's looking. They dress funny, sometimes talk funny and can be kind of spacey. I guess I'm generalizing, but that was my perception coming in. It's changing, but I still have a ways to go before I determine where I fit.

All in all, it was a great event; a fundraiser for a great cause. Look for my mugshot on their website in the near future. I'd do it again in a minute. And you should too.

Blogging off...

A Near-Death Experience

2011-01-28T13:29:00.001-08:00

I seem to be on the up-and-up after a 3 day battle with the flu. I'm nowhere near 100%, but am well enough to stay awake for more than two hours at a crack. I swear I have bed sores. It was horrible. I daresay the worst bout of flu I've ever had (have). Everything hurt. My eyes, my stomach, my head, my nose. Accompany all of this with a lung searing cough, and a ceaselessly runny nose, and you have a recipe for misery. Heck, I was even getting charlie horses in my calves for some reason. I'm guessing it was because I was in bed so much and not walking around.

Oh it was (is) horrible. Ben still has it pretty bad though is at least able to stay awake a bit more today. That's ALL you want to do is sleep. Sleep until one or the other of your arms is numb from laying on it. No motivation to eat, watch TV, read or anything else. Those things I resorted to only out of complete, absolute boredom.

My wife is a saint for having put up with us, as we were a motley couple of sickos. Tissues, water glasses and cough drops everywhere. It was disgusting, but we couldn't help it. There haven't been many instances in my life where death seemed appealing, but this actually made the idea kind of entertaining. Man, it was wicked. My eyes would spontaneously start watering for no good reason. They felt like they were enlarged, too big for their sockets, and it hurt to look around. Sarah even said, "Dad, your eyes look terrible."

Thanks for noticing.

Sarah has been exempt from getting it so far. Donna has a weakened strain of it. (Cough and some stomach pain.) In any case, her compassion quotient ran out about 8:00 last night when Ben and I went to bed. She doesn't get this sick and I'm not sure why. Someone told me that men are more susceptible to viruses than women, who are more susceptible to thing like MS.

Whatever the case, she was fairly patient with us, considering our pathetic state. She did put us in the same bed for the past two nights so we wouldn't pass our germs to anyone but each other. It was funny, but at one point two nights ago, we both woke up at 4:15 and were passing each other Kleenex and water, and coughing our lungs out. God it was horrible.

At one point Donna said she was just going to drag our mattress out to the front terrace. It was sick bay #1 in that bedroom.

To further make the issue miserable, because I was sleeping so much, I managed to get a wicked knot in my left shoulder to the point that between that and my tendinitis (in my left elbow), it was difficult to lay on my left side. I don't sleep well on my back, so that leaves my right side only. Did I mention it was horrible.

The only upside to how rotten I felt (feel) is that when I start to feel better, you appreciate EVERYTHING more. Getting an appetite back is a beautiful thing. Not having to worry about where the Kleenex box is is wonderful. Little things that add up to big things.

The other thing I've learned through it is that we should never take good health for granted. I was just thinking the other day how lucky we've had it this winter with regards to illness around this house. Then, this happens. If you've got your health, even with life's little aches and pains, you've got everything. An event like this makes me respect much more the idea that the flu can kill people. It takes away every motivation to care for yourself and I could see if you were elderly, it might just be all that's needed to push them over the edge.

I don't know how you feel about flu shots, but I'm looking at them with a new found respect. Call it a racket, but if I could have bought relief from this bug for $25, I would have gladly paid that and more. The say well, sometimes they give out a different strain than the one that goes around, to which I say, at least it's one less I'll get. Sign me up man, cuz I've been there

Also wanted to put in a quick plug for my reading at the Woodland Pattern Poetry Marathon tomorrow. It's a fundraiser for the bookstore and our AllWriters group has the 11:00-12:00 slot, which should put my reading at about 11:45. I've got 6 poems I'm reading including:

Brautigan's Cubicle
Pop and Hiss
Doctor Recommended
The Start of a Beautiful Friendship
House Homicide
Left Behind

If you want to support Woodland Pattern you can sponsor a reader (me) on their website. If you'd rather attend, admission is $8.00 and allows for re-entry at any time during the 15 hour event.

With my new lease on life, I'm blogging off...

Pardon the Interruption

2011-01-26T18:10:00.000-08:00

Last night I got hit with the flu bug that Ben had. It is hard to quantify the pain and suffering of it. EVERYTHING hurts. Will post when I get in the flipside.

Blogging off and going back to bed...

Typhoid Larry

2011-01-24T18:41:00.000-08:00

I stayed home with Ben today. He is feeling horrible, sniffling, fever and a sore throat. He started fading on Saturday night, and has gone downhill until today. He'll likely miss at least one more day of school, poor boy. It always pains me to see my kids sick. I know the feeling all too well, and it sucks. All you can think about is feeling better. Hopefully it's not strep throat and he'll be back on his feet in a couple of days.

Well, the old Packers did not disappoint this weekend. It's almost too good to be true. If you'd have said at the beginning of the season that they would be in the super bowl, even without all the injuries they had this year, I would have called you crazy. I still thought they were a year or two, and a star player or two away from having a super bowl team. I think Rodgers carried much of the team this year, but really it was a team effort. Many guys contributed, even unknown names like John Kuhn, and Sam Shields.

So we're going to get on the Packers Super Bowl Bus and ride it all the way to Dallas, baby! I love the two weeks leading up to the big game. Sure there's too much hype and sure it's over publicized, but I don't watch much TV anyways, and I just like all the excitement. If you're a football fan at all, this is what you watch week-in and week-out for. Anyone can win a playoff game; few make it to the BIG GAME. I think they can win and actually I feel that they will win. Pittsburgh is tough, but they were there 2 years ago. It's been 13 for us, and we want it just a bit more I think. Time will tell. Until then, Go Pack Go!

My brother is doing as well as one could hope. I've emailed him a couple times today and texted during the game yesterday. He was rooting for the Bears of course, but in the end thought Jay Cutler gave up. I think he's right. Still can't figure that one out, but am not surprised. Rob is still in great spirits and my prayer for him is that he keeps fighting and keeps the great attitude. Those are both important qualities in the cancer fight.

Tomorrow is back to reality and the harshness that is January in Wisconsin. I said to Donna that when I retire I want it to be in place where I can go outdoors in January without looking like an eskimo. Is that so much to expect?

Watched Star Trek (the newest one) today with Ben on Netflix. Some pretty bad acting in it all the way around really. Especially, Jim Kirk. Lousy. It's pretty bad when you say that William Shatner was a better actor than this guy, but it's true. The whole cast was bad though, really. With the exception of Leonard Nimoy who was pretty good for someone who's 79 years old. He could teach a few of the younger stiffs in this movie how to do it a bit more naturally. Chekov for example had the fakest, most contrived Russian accent I've ever heard. (He was born Russian, but does not naturally have the accent says wikipedia...no crap, eh?)

So my non-professional rating is about a star and a half. The special effects were OK, I guess.

That's my view from the sick bay.

Blogging off for now...

On the Edge of Antarctica

2011-01-21T20:01:00.000-08:00

My laptop's temperature gadget's reading 2 below zero as I write this. Throw the 5 mph wind into the mix and you have a windchill of about 13 below. The furnace is pissed off.

Now I've seen worse, much worse actually, as I'm sure many of you have. That doesn't mean I have to like it at all, which I don't. I keep trying to think of what good this weather is. What purpose does it serve? If the freezing point is 32 and that kills most everything living, why do we need any temps below that? Why did God make a wind chill index?

I'm sure there's a reason for it. If you find it, be sure and clue me in.

It was another week of loss for some friends of ours. A couple who lost a father a few weeks ago lost another father on the wife's side just yesterday. It has been a weird, eerie winter that way for a number of people in our lives. Throw into that the cruddy weather of late, and its enough to make anyone go fetal.

My brother came home from the hospital today, so that is a praise. He got through chemo pretty well and all news from home is that he looks good. I hope and pray that this is the secret to his cure, and that they can get back to some level of routine again. I'd say normal too, except that I don't know what "normal" is anymore. Their normal is new, and so is ours and everyone around them. We'll all adapt to it, it's just going to take some time and some adjustment. Big adjustments in some cases, including my own life and perspective(s).

That's what's hitting me most lately is how the journey changes every day for us. It ebbs and flows based on reports about how he's doing, but depending on what else is going on in my life, certain things come more clearly into focus, and things I've not thought about much in the past are suddenly in my thoughts several times throughout the day. I think for me, it's all a bit amplified because I'm approaching my 50th year. Couple that with all the pain and emotion that we're going through here, and you've got a nice mental fireworks show that you didn't really ask for.

So tomorrow, I'm going to get up, eat my breakfast, deal with all that the "new normal" day brings and make the best out of the crappy January 22nd, 2011 that can be made. Because that's all I know how to do, and I ain't no quitter.

Blogging off...