Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Lamentations In Lieu of Lithium


Winter hasn't quite given up on this part of the state yet. Today was a brisk 37 degrees for a high. Thirty seven! If we had had rain, well, it would have been snow. Throw on top of that the raging gale wind and it felt like about 25 degrees out there.

One would say, this is April in Wisconsin, deal with it. To that I say, Poop.

It has been a long grueling winter around here, no matter how you slice it. I remember in December, we had very little snow, and I thought, "Hey, this ain't bad. December's already over and we barely have any snow. I can do this!"

Well, January rolled around and suddenly time stood still, the sun stopped rising, dog walks dropped to one a day and that was usually a short one, snow started falling and never stopped, the furnace clicked on and stayed on, the sky turned grey, the wind is always blowing hard out of the northeastsouthwest, the walk is always iced over, the dog can't find a place to poop without dragging his butt in a snowbank, the cars were in need of perpetual scraping, door de-icing, windshield defrosting and heater warm-upping, the birds flew south - even the ones we put food out for, food stopped smelling good, beer became a food group, exercise became a distant, long lost friend, I've forgotten how to fish and ride a bike, my pants don't fit, my wife speaks of divorce every time I put my favorite warm fleece on, my skin is like an iguana pelt and flakes off every time I change my clothes, I count down the seconds before the furnace kicks on from the moment it shuts off, sports have come to mean everything and nothing, God is still in my life - but most days he's hanging out upstairs cuz it's warmer up there, Toby the dog needs a haircut so bad he looks like a cross between a raccoon, a porcupine and a rasta dude, the cats have checked out and resorted to 22 hours of sleep a day, Christmas seems like it never happened or maybe it did but it was 3 years ago, money means nothing and everything, people are rude and beautiful and depressing and moody and generous and I love/hate most of them at any given time - depending on whether I got my 30 friggen minutes of sunshine that day (probably didn't cuz it was cloudy), Easter seems like it happened three months ago and the candy isn't helping my pants fit any better, I think I'm writing a book but can't remember what it's about because I'm too busy DVRing fishing shows that I never used to watch but now find fascinating because sometimes they fish on lakes with no ice, the country's going down the tubes but I haven't had the time to notice or really care because I was cold and tired, my NCAA bracket was busted before the ink could dry and that serves me right for gambling anyway, daylight savings came and went, and I missed the Presidential inauguration and the new Pope election on TV probably because I was too busy blowing snow.

Is it too much to ask then for, say, fifty two sunny and no wind? It might help my disposition, a tad.

For now though, I'm going to bed because I'm cold, tired, and it's dark out. Oh, and if you think I'm crazy because it's only 8:00, tell God about it. He's been up there since 7:30.

Blogging off...

1 comment:

kris np said...

I love the title!