So it goes...

 Fall is always a melancholy time of year for me. I love the colors and the beauty of a nice fall day, yet it is a brutal reminder of what follows as well. I admit I am in full denial and was wearing short sleeves until yesterday, when the bottom dropped out of the weather and I was forced to go full sweatshirt. At the same time, this time of October always holds great significance for me for a number of reasons. Today was my nephew (and godson) Nick's birthday. He and I were pretty close as he was young and have maintained a great bond ever since. He is currently serving our country in the Middle East, leaving his family back in Wisconsin while he finishes out his tour. And of course I can't forget that tomorrow my brother Rob would have been 55. Not a day goes by where I don't think of him in one way or another. He always loved this time of year as well. He was a rabid Viking fan but also loved going to the apple orchard and picking pumpkins with his wife and daught...

For a number of reasons, tonight and into this weekend is typically one of my favorite times of year. The past six years running, I typically go up to northern Wisconsin for three days of muskie fishing with my buddies Steve and John. Because muskies are such elusive trophy fish, it is always a weekend filled with anticipation and what I consider the last fishing outing of the year. (I don't do ice fishing.) This year is different though. My buddy Steve is going to Italy for a couple of weeks and leaves tomorrow. (Some people should have such a dilemma...Italy or northern Wisconsin. Hmmm). In any case, this leaves me hanging high and dry. There is talk of possibly going up in November, so I'm holding on to that little light. But there's a few other reasons it's a great time of October. Today is the birthday of my nephew Nicolas. He's 34 today and, being my godson, we have a pretty tight relationship. I did a lot with him as a boy when I lived in the Twin Cit...

As I packed for my upcoming Musky Fest weekend in northern Wisconsin, there were constant reminders of my brother Rob, who would have turned 52 years old today. I sorted and organized my tackle and lures, most of which were his at one time. During his sickness, he started giving his outdoor stuff away to family and friends. I got his musky fishing tackle, and Paul and Tom were given his ice fishing equipment. It makes this time of year bitter sweet for me. A couple of weeks after I received the tackle box, I remember looking in one of the pockets and finding a map for the BWCA for an area we frequented. It caused one of those blindsided moments of grief where I was glad no one was around. Somehow knowing that he'd used the map twenty some years ago was just too much to take. When I can, I like to pack a backup reel for this trip, in case something should happen to my main one. So I grabbed the one Rob gave me and, well, there he was again. This reel gave me some problems whe...

It was four years ago this weekend that I made my second trip to the Mayo Clinic to visit my brother Rob for the weekend. Rob had two chemotherapy treatments while he was battling his cancer, one in January and one in February. When I found out, I told Donna that I thought it was important that I be there over a couple of weekends if I could. I missed out on being there during his back surgeries, so wanted to support him during his therapy. These were difficult trips. Good trips; I'm so glad I made them, but difficult. I went up on Saturday morning and stayed overnight in the hotel across the street. Rob knew I was coming and I think he appreciated the company. Both times I brought a care package from Wisconsin, including his favorite cookies from Donna and a very rough draft of Dirty Shirt . He loved the cookies and said the book was "spot on". That review was worth more than every Amazon review to me. We had some crazy good conversations. We talked for hours about...

We celebrate another milestone tomorrow. My brother Rob would have been fifty. It is a sad occasion in that I wish he were here so I could have helped him celebrate it. At the same time, I'm choosing to turn it into a happy occasion. The reason being, it's what Rob would have wanted. He would want us to celebrate him, not cry into our beer. If he were around, I have no doubt that he would take all the age jokes and senior citizen cracks and ribbing in stride, and would probably throw some barbs back as well. He'd smile big for the camera - it was his style. You don't see any pictures of Rob with the straight-line, no teeth smile that I have in most pictures of me. He was truly a very happy person an he wanted others to be happy too. In looking back over the past years, there was no birthday of his that really sticks out to me as being special. Because I am in Waukesha and have been for 27 years, I didn't get the chance to go to many of his birthdays. The one I ...

Last week I got my reel back from Badger Reel Repair. The reel (pictured above) was given to me by my brother Rob the last time I saw him, before he passed away in Aug. 2011. It was the second time I've had it in for repairs. The first time it didn't seem to be working right, so I brought it to BRR and it cost me $25 to clean, oil and repair it. When I tried it again this summer, it still did not seem to be working right. Now, normally, I probably would not have spent any more money on repairing the reel. The reel only cost Rob $75 at the time, so putting much more into it would seem frivolous. Because the reel means more to me than just an average reel, I thought I'd go ahead and get it fixed. It was $15 to repair, which seemed like a deal to get a functional keepsake. The whole process got me to thinking about things that mean something . You know the items. Things that you would want to take to the basement with you in the case of a tornado. Things given to you...

I spent much of last weekend fishing for musky in the northern reaches of Wisconsin. The weather was, oddly enough, very fall-like. We left from Waukesha on Thursday morning in a steady drizzle and drove for 5 hours in an almost constant rain. My friend who went with admitted he was in a funk and a bit on the cranky side. We got up to Presque Isle about 2:00 and the rain just kept on coming. It rained so hard and long that we didn't even get a chance to fish on Thursday which was part of the reason behind leaving early. We hung out and watched baseball and football that night with the intention of getting a full day of fishing on Friday. Friday we woke to high 40's and a light rain and winds gusting 20-25 mph. We got our warm clothes on and covered it with our rain gear. We committed to trying one lake and if that was too choppy or slow fishing, we would try another. We stopped in town and got some live bait, sucker minnows that were $7.50 each. (Yikes). These are big fish,...

It was a good weekend to be a Landwehr. We went to St. Paul this weekend to help Rob and his family with some painting/staining projects and got more than we gave, as usual. By this I mean that we were so uplifted by the love and support and joy of our family that what we came to do, paint a fence, actually became a side project to the bigger one of connecting with family. It started with stopping by Mom's place where we had an hour and a half chat with her and my sister Pat. It was great to see Pat again and catch up with all that they were doing. We moved on to Rob and Jane's next where the cousins immediately reconnected and went off to their lair in the basement. They are such good friends and enjoy each other's company so much. It helps us adults have time to catch up on all that's new with us. Donna and I treated Nick and Janet to dinner at Senor Wong 's in downtown St. Paul. It is an eclectic blend of Mexican/Asian food (hence the name) owned by a fr...

Yesterday (Sunday) was Rob's Celebration of Life Party. We arrived at Rob's house on Saturday, about 1:30 and saw that he was not having a good day. He had a fair amount of pain in his clavicle area and the lower part of his left lung. When he coughed, the pain seemed to be overwhelming. His oxycodone was not helping like it normally does. He didn't seem his usual upbeat self and we were all worried that he'd be in rough shape for the party. It was not a good start to the weekend for me. I was hoping to find him sitting in his recliner, ready to talk and have some laughs, when in reality, he was never feeling good enough to get out of bed. We let him rest and he seemed to sleep from about 8:00 right through the night. We were all praying for a better day on Sunday. Sunday was a clear, sunny day with a high in the low 50's. Not bad for April, considering we had driven through snow on the way up in central WI. Rob woke up and looked like a new man. He was upbeat, ...

It's been another weekend of reflection for me. Not too much going on around the house, so lots of time to think, write and ponder. My brother's situation continues to help me shift priorities, realize what's important and take time for meaningful conversations with friends and family. I talked to my Mom on the phone tonight and she said that everything in her life right now has become meaningless, except her family and her friends. That's about where I am right now. I was telling her that things like the Madison mess certainly command my concern and attention, but only for a brief moment each day. I will keep that kind of crap, and that's really what it has become, in perspective. Small things in the big view. To some the issues have become all consuming. It is what they live and breathe from day to day, week to week. Don't get me wrong here. I am glad there are people out there championing their cause, because there have been some travesties pushed through...

Went to the Doctor today after day 17 of this chronic cough. I wanted to rule out a sinus infection or pneumonia. I've been feeling a little better, but am still bothered by the cough. He found a "low grade" sinus infection and so put me on antibiotics and Sudafed. He said anytime a cough persists past about 10 days, it is usually some other bacteria that has taken residence. I wanted to get checked out because I don't want to infect Rob who I'll be seeing on Sat/Sun. He reassured me that a sinus infection isn't transmissible and that my visit would be fine. That is great news, as I am looking forward to my visit to Rochester. He's getting his second round of Chemotherapy at Methodist hospital. He arrived today and will be there until Sunday about noon. My Mom is going down tomorrow to visit, so she was glad he'd have a visitor on Sat/Sun. I figure it's the least I could do. It's been a while since I've seen him and because the weekend we w...

As we prepare to head to my sister Jane's holiday party this weekend, we got word last night that my brother Rob was rushed to Mayo for emergency surgery to remove a small, ping-pong ball sized growth from his spine. He was having trouble walking, so they went to the doc, and he recommended right away that they go to Mayo. At the clinic, they injected dye into his spinal column and found the growth. They determined that it was best to get it out right away. He was in surgery for 6 hours from 6:30 - 12:30 or so. Word is that he looked good this morning and today, so that is encouraging. He will however, be in the hospital for a week recovering. The whole thing just about knocked us over. We ALL thought Rob was in the clear, and on the way to a full recovery. This just stopped us in our tracks. I could barely think last night after I heard it. It's not fair and it just shouldn't happen to someone so young and vibrant. I was so emotional today and last night that I would tear-...