This Is A Test
Well, I had my first hearing test since 2016 today. Evidently when you're as deaf as I am you should be getting tested every year. This audiologist was surprised that I have not been tested in 5 years. I was all like "Well, you guys are the experts, I'm just the patient here." I still see hearing aids as a nicety that I can get along without, 80% of my day, so these things don't rattle me like they might rattle others.
So I step into the soundproof booth and get hooked up with all kinds of wires and buds. It was the old push the button when you hear a sound routine, something I remember from 5 years ago. Those of you who have heard my poem, "This is a Test", from my book, Thoughts from a Line at the DMV know that this same soundproof booth was the inspiration for the poem.
As the test started I was pretty sure there were a number of sounds that were imperceptible by the human ear, because there were long periods where I heard nothing (except my tinnitus). I fooled him a few times clicking when I hadn't heard anything, because that helps, right?
Coming out of the exam, I felt like I had scored a solid D+ on the test. Turns out I was pretty close. He showed me the chart comparison of my loss in 2016 vs 2021. In the low frequencies my losses were pretty comparable. The high frequency losses were somewhat more dramatic. Like down in the valley dramatic.
Before I left, he told me he would classify my loss as a "Moderate to severe high-frequency loss." He said that it is nothing to worry about. I guess I'll call that a victory and much like Chris Farley in Tommy Boy, I'll call my D+ a "pass".